Dreamers
by Yavanna and SunStar
Summary: Natasha Regan is a quiet girl, used to being picked on and teased. She has a hidden sanctury, her only way of escape,what happens when one of her tormentors finds it? SOC
1. First day back

Disclaimer: Okay this is for the whole story. I own nothing except for Natasha, Ruby, Cassie and Eluned. Everything else belongs to J.K.Rowling and I am not making any profit from this whatsoever. There you go, I basically own nothing…except Remus….and Sirius P (only kidding, I really don't own them)

Summary: Natasha Regan is a quiet girl, used to being picked on and teased. She has a hidden sanctuary that no one knows about and it's her only form of escape. What happens when one of her tormentors finds her hideaway and no matter what she does, Fate seems to have developed the annoying habit of throwing them together?

A/N: Helw everyone this is Yavanna speaking. I really hope you like this story and the characters in it. It is indeed a Sirius/OFC story and hopefully I will be alternating between Natasha and Sirius' point of view between every chapter. (Although Sirius' pov is very hard to write from) This story isn't all that angsty and there isn't that much romance in it (that will be saved for the sequels I hope) but I didn't know how else to describe it.

Your comments would be much appreciated and I'd love to hear what you think of my story, and if there are any typing or spelling errors then I am very sorry.

Chapter 1 – First day back

Natasha sighed heavily and sat back in her seat, gazing mournfully out of the carriage window. She was on her way to start her fifth year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but with each year it seemed to get harder for her to say goodbye to her father. He was all she had left now, except of course her two good friends Lily Evans and Ruby Lamington. She wouldn't go so far as calling them her best friends, she didn't see them or talk to them enough for that, but they were there when she needed them and vice versa.

"Tash, you okay?" a clear voice rang out laced with concern.

Natasha looked up to be met with the worried face of Lily Evans. She had wavy red hair that reached mid-back and sparkling emerald eyes that were set in a face of porcelain. There was no doubt that Lily was beautiful, not that she saw it that way mind you. She was fairly shy and quiet, very modest and always willing to help. She was the cleverest girl in the year and much to the amazement of Natasha, she liked to study. Ruby Lamington however was like the complete opposite. She had short choppy brown hair and blue eyes and a golden complexion. She was loud and bubbly but disliked work greatly, and yet when paired with Lily, they balanced each other out perfectly. Tasha blinked back to reality when she saw that her friends were still waiting for an answer.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks Lily, just a bit sad you know, I hate leaving my dad on his own", she gave her two friends a small smile as she looked back out of the window and let them carry on with their conversation.

She glared slightly at the faint reflection she could see of herself in the window. It had forever been the bane of her existence. When she was very small her mother had died, leaving her with her muggle father and witch grandmother. Then one day after an accident with some shampoo had occurred, Tasha had been stuck with bright metallic blue hair for the rest of her life. It wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't have been for the fact that her eyes were azure, and the combined affect of her hair and eyes were annoyingly creepy. All of her life people had shied away from her gaze because it was just too weird for someone to have their eyes almost the same colour as their hair. In fact a lot of people were frightened of her because of it and avoided her, but the only two people who didn't were Lily and Ruby, and she'd be eternally grateful to them for it.

Yet even with their combined efforts she felt like an outcast and often secluded herself, even from them. She had her own little secret hideaway that not even Lily and Ruby knew about. It was her sanctuary, her own private place to think and escape all of the stares she received. You'd have thought people would have gotten used to her by now what with her going to a magical school but no, they still thought of her as some kind of freak.

A hand on her shoulder made her jump slightly and she looked up into the smiling face of Ruby.

"C'mon Dreamer, we've arrived and I for one don't want to share a carriage with a bunch of slimy Slytherins".

Tasha smiled at her nickname as she quickly got up and gathered her things. It was true she loved to dream, anything was better than reality sometimes.

They quickly got off of the train and got inside one of the horseless carriages, with Ruby and Lily sitting on one side and Natasha on the other.

'Well okay so maybe not horseless, seeing as they are pulled by Thestrals', Natasha thought and shuddered slightly as she remembered when she'd first seen them. Needless to say fleshless horses that were just skin and bones, with wings and white eyes were very frightening to an eleven year old. It wasn't until she'd managed to ask Hagrid, the giant of a gamekeeper and the keeper of the keys at Hogwarts what they were that her fear was removed.

They were about to drive off when there were shouts from outside and four boys scrambled into the carriage and sat down, none of them noticing that the girls were there which was proven as all three of them had a boy sitting on them.

"Prongs that was awesome! Did you see the look on Snivellus' face? It was hysterical!"

The voice of the boy sitting on Tasha rang out loud and clear and a feeling of dread settled in her stomach as she realised who it was. There was no doubting it. A lean frame, broad shoulders, almost shoulder length straight black hair and a barking manic laugh. Yep, it was Sirius Black.

All of a sudden Tasha could hear a low growl of discomfort and closed her eyes in the anticipation of the hell that was about to break loose.

"What on earth do you think you are doing?!" Lily shrieked and an unfortunate James Potter jumped off of her blushing furiously. Tasha smirked slightly. It was so obvious to everyone but Lily that James liked her.

"L-lily I-" James' stuttered answer was broken off by a furious Lily. True she was shy but she had one hell of a temper.

"The world does not revolve around you and your stupid pranks and you should at least have the decency to notice another's presence!" she took a deep breath. "And Remus and Sirius will you please get up off of Ruby and Natasha!" she sat back down forcefully, her nostrils flaring.

Remus Lupin immediately leapt up, apologising to Ruby who was looking disgruntled. Both James and Remus were stooped down slightly because James' 6'1 frame and Remus' 6 foot frame were too tall to stand in the carriage. Tasha studied them both carefully and noticed how they'd both matured and grown over the summer. Remus had definitely filled out, he'd been very skinny before, his light brown hair was neat as usual and his blue-grey eyes had a twinkle of mischief in them. James had also filled out, probably because of endless quidditch practice, and his jet black hair was still sticking up all over the place even though he was now sub-consciously messing it up even more to make his appearance seem even more wild and untamed. His bright hazel eyes behind his round spectacles kept darting towards Lily, before looking quickly away.

There was an awkward silence and Tasha took the advantage of it to study the remaining boy who had been fortunate not to sit on anyone. He was Peter Pettigrew, and if standing he would have reached the height of 5'9, and Tasha suspected that was as tall as he'd get. He was slightly podgy and had blonde hair and watery blue eyes that were usually full of admiration that was generally pointed at James.

Tasha was quickly brought back from her thoughts when she felt something move on her lap, and it was only then that she realised that Sirius was still sitting on her. He had swivelled around until he was facing her and he looked down at her with amusement clear in his steely grey eyes.

"Well if it isn't our local bluebottle" he said, arching an eyebrow at her.

'Great, I'm being compared to a fly, what a privilege', she thought sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

"Are you going to get off me now?" Tasha asked in a bored tone and looked out of the window.

"Unfortunately, in case you hadn't noticed, James and Remus here are having trouble standing up, and I'm taller than them so it would be far too uncomfortable for me to do so sorry".

Tasha frowned up at him and tried to catch his eye, knowing that this usually un-nerved people.

"Yes well you're awfully heavy and you are hurting my legs so can you stand up please", her eyes widened in shock slightly as he met her gaze head on and didn't flinch away.

"Well if the Lady insists……" he smiled gallantly and almost quicker than she could blink he had stood up, pulling her with him and sat back down on the seat with her sitting on his lap and his hands on either side of her waist.

"There now that's much better" he smiled cheerfully at her shocked expression as James and Peter laughed loudly and Remus had a slightly amused smile on his lips. She merely shrugged, leant her head against the window and started to stare out of it with the same mournful expression she had been wearing earlier.

The rest of the trip passes as a bit of a blur for Tasha as she was incredibly un-nerved by what had happened and her thoughts were in complete turmoil.

'How did he do that?! Only Lily and Ruby are supposed to and now one of my tormentors can? This is so unbelievably unfair!' she willed herself to calm down slightly before her mental tirade got out of hand.

'Besides who does he think he is making me sit on him, he's just a stupid feminine jerk with girly hair, I mean it's the same length as mine!' she absentmindedly ran her hand through her own shoulder length hair and she rolled her eyes at her own childish stream of thoughts.

'Oh well, this will probably be the most I'll see of him, he's probably got a lot more important things to do with his precious time than to annoy me'.

She was jolted rudely out of her thoughts when Sirius Black stood up, forcing her to as well, and she stood there for a moment in confusion.

"As much as I loved our little personal moment, everyone else has gotten out of the carriage, but if you want me alone so much than I'm sure I can arrange a time to see you later", he smirked at her and she eyed him in distaste.

She quickly jumped down from the carriage, ignoring the egotistical being that got out behind her and went to stand next to Lily and Ruby, once more cursing her oddities. It appeared that her body over the summer had disliked being at the height of 5'5 and she now towered above the 5'6 Lily and Ruby at her new height of 5'10.

'I was just made to be different' and she sighed resignedly at the thought.

Tasha turned around and arched a perfectly shaped blue eyebrow at Sirius Black (Yes the shampoo of doom had gotten her eyebrows as well). He was right when he had said he was too tall to stand in the carriage and he had at least three inches over James' height and was about 6'4 or 6'5. He was stretching after being contained in the cramped carriage and Tasha noticed he had a very athletic build.

'Well whatever, he can go about his business and I'll go about mine, someone with an ego as big as his isn't worth my time', and with that thought she followed Lily and Ruby up the steps and into the castle, an amused smirk on her face as she heard Lily grumble about how much she disliked James. For Tasha and Ruby it was so obvious that Lily was in denial about her feelings, but neither of them was stupid enough to risk her temper by telling her that.

Natasha sighed quietly to herself as she lay in bed, listening to the sound of her dorm mates' breathing whilst in the throws of sleep that still eluded her. Apart from Ruby and Lily she also shared a room with two girls called Cassie Mostyn and Eluned Jones. They were both beautiful, blonde and were bitches. How they had ended up in Gryffindor was a complete mystery to her. They had a cruel and vindictive nature in them and Natasha couldn't help but recall what had happened in the Great Hall earlier that evening.

Everyone was starting to traipse out of the room after a wonderful feast and Dumbledore's speech. It had been the same as always. Everyone was to stay out of the Forbidden Forest and more items had been placed on the new caretakers, Argus Filch, list of what was not allowed in the corridors. The Headmaster had also announced the prefects for that year.

Lily had blushed to the roots of her hair when her name had been announced but Natasha could tell that she was really happy. What had surprised her was that Remus Lupin was made a prefect. What on earth the Headmaster had been thinking she'd never know.

'I mean it presents the perfect opportunity for the Marauders to do their pranks and for Remus to get them out of trouble' Tasha had thought moodily wondering what pranks were in store for her this year. 'Or maybe this will be able to help Remus control them better', Tasha had given a mental snort at that thought. Who was she kidding? James and Sirius were uncontrollable.

It was after that thought that she heard her name. She glanced behind her and saw Cassie point at her and whisper something to Eluned. Then both the blonde girls looked at her again and, catching her looking, burst out laughing.

Natasha rolled on to her side as her cheeks burned at the memory. She'd blushed then from embarrassment and her cheeks had gotten redder due to the fact that she was angry with herself for getting embarrassed so easily. You would think after four years she's be used to it but she wasn't.

She buried her face into her pillow as unwanted tears sprang to her eyes as the cruel echoing laughter of Cassie and Eluned resounded in her head. There was no way that they could be in the right house by the way they acted; they just had to be Slytherins.

'But who am I to judge the way they act when I don't even know them? I mean even people from Hufflepuff treat me like that, and there's no way I can say the sorting hat got it wrong just because I don't like the way people treat me'.

The thought was slightly depressing but true. People weren't made to get along with everyone and if some people didn't like her then she'd just have to deal with it.

'But it isn't some people, it's everyone' she thought miserably as her eyes filled once more and tears spilled unchecked down her cheeks. She cried quietly to herself, missing her father now more than ever. Just a small hug from him would make her feel better but she knew she had to get used to being without him. Eventually, sometime in the early morning, she was lulled to sleep by the deep breathing coming from the girls around her, although her cheeks were still stained with tears.

A/N: Tada! There was the first chapter of a story I've written all by myself. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, I guess it depends on the encouragement I get from my reviews hint hint Oooo look what's this? It's a pretty purple button that looks like it wants to be clicked……. Yeah okay I'm shutting up, but I would really like to know what you think so far, and constructive criticism is very much welcomed!!!!! Well that's all for now, hopefully the next chapter won't be too far away )

Yavanna


	2. The Black side of things

**Disclaimer**: See first chapter 

Thanks to my reviewers:

GoldenWolf88:- Yay you were the first reviewer!! Thank you!! Yeah blue hair would be awesome and Natasha does need some happiness but I've got to warn you....things are only gonna get worse for her before they get better.

Yoda:- Lol I know you read it in school but thanks for reviewing anyways! And look I finished this chapter for you so you'd better have finished your work like you said you would P

Tina Sparkle:- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like where the story is going, I hope you like this chapter )

Chips:- Thank you for reviewing ) Sorry that there isn't so much romance in this story, but I might be able to wangle some in – no promises though.

One:- Nope Natasha is not in Slytherin, she's a Gryffindor. Thanks for reviewing! )

Coco bean:- I'm glad you liked it and yeah the mood did have to be sad, and I hope you like this chapter as much. Thanks for the review )

Chapter 2 – The Black side of things

Sirius walked down one of the many halls in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, a slight feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. Memories of the past were haunting him and as paranoia took hold he kept glancing behind his shoulder, as his imagination tried to convince him that the shadows were moving.

All of a sudden a light shone in through the usually shuttered windows and fell on Sirius, warming his skin. He stood there in a state of wonderment, reveling in the peacefulness that had settled in his home. It was such a difference to the usually dank, dreary and dark place where the atmosphere was always depressing that he couldn't help but enjoy the change. Loud, cheerful laughter suddenly reached his ears and he started in shock, as it was such an alien sound to him in his own home. He'd heard laughter there before but it was always of a harsh and evil nature, never one of cheerfulness and happiness like this one was. He blinked and when his eyes focused he was stood in front of a tall, menacing looking black door, and he realised it was the door to his parents' study, a place he usually avoided if he could.

He frowned slightly, a light line appearing between his dark eyebrows as he realised that he couldn't remember how he'd gotten outside the door. The line deepened as he realised that the laughter was coming from the room and this only served to send his thoughts into turmoil.

He couldn't for the life of him ever remember his parents sounding happy, unless you counted the sadistic happiness they had when some 'mudbloods' had been taken care of, and a feeling of unease began to grow in him to run. However these feelings were swept aside as a surge of hope shot through him. The one thing he'd craved throughout his life was to be a part of a loving family but he'd never had it. He'd always been the odd ball and made an example of, he just didn't belong.

'Well that was made even more obvious when I was the first Black to be sorted into Gryffindor' he thought wryly before more cheerful laughter pierced through his mind. Then, ignoring the warning in his head he pushed open the door to be confronted with the sight of the usually sour expressions of his parents' faces that were now covered with smiles.

"Sirius darling, I just told your father the good news", his mother beamed at him before engulfing him in a hug. Sirius stiffened slightly before returning the hug, for the whole of his life this was all he had ever wanted.

'She must be drunk', he thought amused, 'but no that can't be right, she's bloody awful when she's drunk. I wander what the good news is though.....' he was brought out of his musings as his father walked over and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Sirius my boy, I have never been more proud, I knew you'd see it my way eventually", his father exclaimed with a strange glint in his eye containing an emotion Sirius couldn't quite place.

"Yes of course father" he replied, feeling insanely happy that his father was proud of him. Maybe now he'd have the chance to belong to a proper family and have a good home life like he knew James had. However his brain began to register what his father had said and the warning feeling he'd pushed to the back of his mind began to push back.

'What is it that I was supposed to have seen his way?' he thought as panic began to bubble inside his stomach. His father continued to talk.

"Finally we'll have you out of that crackpot school and have you transferred to Durmstrang where you can embrace the Dark Arts fully, just like I did".

Sirius' feeling of happiness disappeared quicker that students fleeing the poltergeist Peeves when he was carrying large amounts of water balloons. He stood there as though frozen as the horror began to engulf him.

'I can't leave Hogwarts! It's the only home apart from James' I've ever known. And I don't want anything to do with the Dark Arts!' His thoughts were in turmoil and as he looked back towards his parents he saw that their smiles had developed a cruel twist and their eyes held a malicious glint. It took a while, but Sirius finally got his tongue to work.

"What?!" he yelled pulling away from his parents. "I'm not leaving Hogwarts and my friends", he declared, glaring fiercely before he realised what he'd done. His father's expression became menacing and he picked up his black walking cane which had a bone handle that was placed by his desk, and he started to approach Sirius slowly.

"How dare you!" his mother shrieked, her fury written across her face. "You brother would never speak to us like that, he's a true Black and a better son than you'll ever be!!" she screamed as Sirius' father got closer to him. As she said this something inside of him snapped.

"Of course Regulus wouldn't, he's got about as much backbone as a Flobberworm!!" Sirius bellowed back at his mother before turning to his father, "And the school is not a crackpot of a place, you only think it is because I haven't turned out how you'd want me to!" he yelled.

"Of course you haven't!" his father roared back, "You're a disgrace to the family name, associating with muggle loving scum who would seek to destroy what pure bloods there are left, your behaviour is disgusting, and how dare you disrespect us?!" Sirius father had turned a nasty shade of puce and his arms were shaking in barely controlled rage as he lifted the cane up. "It's about time I taught you another lesson boy" he hissed, and Sirius brought his arms up to shield his face just as the cane was about to slam into his –

Sirius sat bolt up right in bed, gasping for breath and a sheen of sweat was on his body, making his pyjama's cling to his frame. His eyes were wide in panic but his breathing slowed slightly as he was greeted with the site of the familiar red curtains that were surrounding his four poster bed that had gold lions embroidered along the edges. He breathed a sigh of relief and sank back into his pillows as he realised he was safe in his dorm room, but he was still thankful that the curtains were closed around his bed, he didn't really want anyone other than James to know of his nightmares, not even Remus and Peter and definitely not Frank Longbottom who was the other boy in his dorm. As much as he liked Frank, he did have the tendency to gossip and it wouldn't do for the rumour that the great Sirius Black, one of the feared Marauders suffered from bad dreams. As vain as it sounded his reputation would be ruined. And as to why he didn't want Remus or Peter to know, that was something of a mystery even to him.

Sirius rolled on to his side and winced slightly. His dream hadn't been all made up, there was a large amount of truth to it but he was thankful that this time he'd woken up before the cane hit, although in reality it had been the opposite and he still had the bruises on his sides to prove it. What had really happened before he'd left his home to start his fifth year at Hogwarts was that he'd been summoned to his parents' study and given an ultimatum: either leave Hogwarts and go to Durmstrang, or be disowned. He opted for being disowned hence the large beating he received.

Thinking back to his dream he considered which was scarier, his father approaching him with a look of pure rage on his face, or his parents smiling and laughing. He thought the latter was far more frightening.

'Why on earth in my dream was I so stupid as to think my parents could actually love me? Well I've had it with them, from now on as far as I'm concerned they aren't my family, only the Marauders and Andromeda are, even though she is a Slytherin'. Sirius' thoughts were slightly angry, more so for the fact that he could have been so naïve to think that he could ever be accepted by his family. But he'd stand firm by his decision; as far as he was concerned they were dead to him and no longer were they his family.

Peaking his head out from in-between his curtains, he glanced out of the window to see that dawn was not far off, and seeing as he knew that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep he settled himself up against the head board of his bed and opted to glaring at the curtain opposite him as he mulled over his holiday. His expression lightened though as he thought back to the happenings of the previous day.

He'd been ecstatic to be back with his three best friends again on the train back to Hogwarts and the trip was made even more pleasant by the amount of attention he had received from the girls he had passed.

'This year is going to be great, they all love me' he thought smugly, eagerly anticipating that this was going to be his best year at Hogwarts yet. 'And that trick on Snape was brilliant, the greasy git deserves everything we do to him' he assured himself, although he had long ago blocked out his conscience that made him feel slightly guilty for playing tricks on people who didn't really deserve it. Although Sirius believed that just being a Slytherin qualified you to be subjected to the torment that only the Marauders could provide.

'Everyone loves the tricks we play' he thought happily, glad that he had the respect of others, 'Well as long as we don't play the tricks on them' he mused and this almost caused a smile to break out on his face. Remus he felt wasn't always too keen on the pranks they played but that just had to be because he was worried about getting in to trouble.

'Well Moony doesn't have to worry about that any more, he's a prefect this year so if anything he'll be able to get us all out of trouble'.

Sirius continued to think through the day's happenings, a habit he'd acquired during his stay in the hospital wing in second year and he hadn't been able to break it. It was quite beneficial actually to reflect on the past days events every morning because he had a lot to think about, he was far more observant than people believed him to be. Take for example the situation between James and that Lily Evans girl.

'James is so hung up on her it's hardly believable' he thought to himself, 'although I don't know why she doesn't like him, he's a great person' Sirius shook his head in slight confusion. 'Oh well it doesn't really matter, her friends are weird anyway, well maybe not Ruby but that other one is, the bluebottle....what's her name again?' Sirius mulled his way through his memory trying to remember.

'Oh yeah Natasha, a complete oddball her. Intriguing though, I mean she hardly batted an eyelid after the stunt I pulled in the carriage....I wonder how far I can push her'

A grin really did break out on his face then as his mind began to come up with different ways of playing tricks on her.

'But she hasn't really done anything to deserve it and she isn't a Slytherin' he contemplated but he was still in a foul mood from his dream and spitefulness seemed to take control, 'Oh well I want to see how far I can push her before she breaks, I've had to cope with far worse and I daresay she can to' he thought fiercely, not even considering how Natasha would feel if he done this. He'd played pranks on people for far too long to begin caring about what they felt if it happened. As he recalled the things he'd had to cope with a fierce scowl settled on his features and he glared at the curtain opposite him not noticing that the curtains to the side of him had been opened and two other people were starting between him and the curtain in bemusement.

"Who'd have ever thought that when they were first created that curtains could be such an object of evil" a voice spoke and Sirius, startled out of his reverie glanced him to see James looking at him with amusement shining clearly in his eyes.

"But of course Prongs, they have a secret plot to take over the world and it seems our friend Padfoot here has discovered it and is trying to stop them" Remus, the second person added. Sirius raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"What are you to talking about?" he asked. 'Well it seems that the two of them have finally succumbed to the insanity that has been threatening our group for a while' he thought with a mental smirk.

"I thought that would be obvious Sirius, it was like you were trying to bore a hole through the curtains with your very eyes, we were merely commenting on how evil they had to be in order for you to do that" James explained matter-of-factly.

Sirius let out a deep chuckle at his friends' twisted humour and was about to reply when a fairly high squeaky voice spoke him.

"Curtains are really evil?" Peter asked curiously, eyeing the newly offending inanimate object with nervousness. At that comment Sirius out right laughed.

"No don't be silly Pete, curtains are perfectly harmless I was just thinking about something and glaring into space is all" he explained and grinned at the look of relief that passed over Peter's face.

"And what may I ask were you thinking of?" Remus asked. 'Well I can't tell him about my dreams.......' Sirius thought and quickly made up an excuse.

"Oh just the Slytherins, they seemed far too cocky last night and it annoyed me" he explained but saw James raise an eyebrow at him. 'Damn him for being such a perceptive friend, I'll have to tell him why later'. He glanced again at Remus who was frowning at him slightly. 'Oh boy let's hope Remus isn't too suspicious...but then I guess it won't be too bad if I tell him. After all we're best friends so we should tell each other everything' he thought trying to reassure himself.

"Yeah I guess even thinking of the Slytherins can put you in a bad mood" Remus said, all traces of a frown gone as he seemed to believe Sirius' excuse.

"Well enough talking you three, I want to go and eat breakfast" Peter piped up causing the other three to grin at him.

"But of course Wormtail, we can't have you wasting away now can we?" James asked in mock horror, and poked Peter in his slightly fat stomach. They all quickly dressed and left the Gryffindor common room to make their way down to the Great Hall.

They walked through the many corridors of Hogwarts and descended a few flights of stairs, only pausing once to help Peter up as he got his foot stuck in a trick stair. The ever burning torches placed against the wall were creating flickering patterns in the shadowed areas but the massive windows provided more than enough light for the corridors. There was a continuous bubbling of noise as people were trapped in conversations of their own and Sirius flashed his most charming grin at many of the girls he passed, pleased when they let out giggles and hurried off with their friends.

'This is way too easy man, if all I have to do to get a girl is smile, not that I'm complaining' he grinned to himself and before he knew it he was outside the huge oak doors that let into the Great Hall where he could hear the clattering of cutlery and the hubbub of noise emitting from the room. As he walked in he glared over at the Slytherin table in time to see one Severus Snape trip over his feet and Sirius let out a loud barking laugh, attracting more attention to the already embarrassed Slytherin. Laughter began to break out through the hall as Snape flushed and shot Sirius a poisonous glare before making his way to his seat.

Sirius was still chuckling slightly as he sat down at the Gryffindor table but before he could start to eat he felt a soft hand on his arm.

"Hi Sirius, I hope you slept well" a soft feminine voice practically purred in his ear. Sirius glanced quickly at his friends and James gave him a look that clearly said, 'get in there mate'. Sirius grinned back before turning and gazing into the grey-green eyes of Cassie, a girl in his year. He let his eyes travel over the parts of her body that he could see before looking back at her face, pleased to see a pink blush appear on her cheeks.

'Man I have got her hooked, may as well make use of her I guess' he thought wickedly, allowing a slow smile to appear on his face.

"Morning Cassie, I had a wonderful dream about a certain someone in fact" he said suggestively, although it couldn't have been further from the truth. He then leant over to whisper in her ear. "How about we meet up tonight after dinner in the astronomy tower, say at about eight o'clock?"

She gazed up at him, a certain amount of desire in her eyes and she agreed readily. She then said a quick goodbye and along with her friend Eluned the blonde hastily left the hall.

"Padfoot how do you do it?" Peter asked in an awe filled voice that was directed at him this time instead of James.

"It's a gift mate" Sirius grinned back and James chuckled whilst Remus gave a small smile.

"You a lucky one Sirius" James said, "She's one of the best looking girls in Gryffindor".

"Although not as good looking as a certain red head I bet Prongs" Remus said and started laughing as James flushed.

"Keep it down Moony" James hissed as Sirius and Peter started laughing as well. "We can't have lies like that spreading around" he added hastily. With that Sirius let out his barking laugh again.

'James man you like her more than you know or think' he thought to himself and he caught Remus' eye, knowing that his friend was thinking the exact same thing. They ate a hurried breakfast as they had been slightly late and looked at their time tables. Remus, James and Peter let out groans of dismay when they saw that they had potions first but Sirius just had a content smile on his face. He was back home, and had secured a date already and he hadn't even been there one whole day yet, so not even the thought of having potions first could darken his mood.

They left the hall in a rush and it was only as he walked through the doors that he remembered about his new little project.

'Oh well I can do something to her later, at dinner time maybe – that'll impress the girls even more to be sure' he thought with a huge grin, a plan already perfectly formed in his mind.

A/N: Okay I really wasn't sure about this chapter and whether or not I managed to write it from Sirius' point of view properly so your opinions on it would be much appreciated, and I really do hope you liked it ) (If there were any typos then I apologise, I did proof read it but I may have missed some out)

Yavanna


	3. And the trouble begins

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter 

A/N: Meepsters I am so sorry for the delay, I just couldn't seem to get this chapter out, but Yoda has held a knife to my side and made me write it so here it is, but first a little thanks to my reviewers )

**Me**:- Thankies for saying I wrote well from Sirius' pov, I was really worried about that, and I'll hopefully add even more background to his character as this story progresses. Thanks for the review!

**Coco bean**:- yep Sirius is going to be a sort of love/hate character in this story and your typical womaniser P And as for him being decent and kinder at the end of this story well...who knows. And yep I agree, all boys are stupid, thanks for the review )

**Yoda**:- You know perfectly well what work P and I typed Moody? Argh! rushes and quickly changes it (which you will notice I have done) and if you felt sorry for Tasha then, after this chapter you're gonna feel even more so, thanks for reviewing!

**Goldenwolf88**:- Yay I wrote Sirius' pov good D thanks for the review you rock!

**Chips**:- am glad you think this story is gonna be good grins I hope you like this chapter and thanks for the review!

**Umi Winner**:- Lol Sirius isn't all that evil....well he is a bit, but throughout this story it should be explained why...you'll have to read and find out P I'm sorry I didn't update sooner but I hope you like this chapter and thanks for reviewing!

Okay well that's enough of my blabber, here's the chapter for yous! Oooo and one more thing, all words between "-"is someone speaking and all words between '-' is someone's thoughts.

Chapter 3 – And the trouble begins

The potions dungeon was musty and damp, the occasional drip of water echoing around the freezing expanse. The work benches were worn and old and even though there was a roaring fire at the front of the class no warmth seemed to emit from the fickle flames. It was the first lesson of the school year for the fifth year Gryffindors and to their dismay they were sharing it with the Slytherins, their mortal enemies.

Natasha sighed as she sat heavily down in her seat, somewhere near to where Ruby and Lily were sitting. They were exchanging pleasentaries when the door to the dungeon opened and a figure robed in dark purple swept in the room. It was none other than Professer Roulou, the potions teacher, whose tumbling mass of dark hair was swept up into a ponytail on top of her head and her golden hawk eyes glared around at the class, immediately getting the silence that they desired. Professor Roulou was the head of Slytherin, although she didn't actually favour her house, and was surprisingly fair, a lot like McGonagall. However if you crossed her bad side then she would hold the grudge for the rest of your school life and she could make you life in potions a living hell.

'Just like me then', Natasha thought glumly. Ever since her very first potions lesson, Roulou had held a grudge against her. 'I mean it wasn't exactly my fault that I melted two cauldrons and almost destroyed the classroom'.

"Class" Roulou's crisp and firm voice pierced through her thoughts, "This year will be very important for you what with you sitting your O.W.L.'s so I suggest you pay extra attention, and that does include you Mr. Black" she stated dryly, noticing that Sirius as usual was not listening.

'Stupid git, no wonder he gets into so much trouble, he's got the concentration span of a four year old' Natasha thought scornfully as she glared half heartedly at the taller boy. He looked up and caught her looking and his face broke out into a wicked smile that sent shivers up her back and she abruptly turned to the front of the class.

'Okay, I so did not like that look, he's bloody planning something that's for sure...I wonder what though? I hope it isn't too bad, I don't want another year like last year, that was practically hell for me' Natasha's thoughts raced wildly as she wondered why he had smiled at her like that when all of a sudden Professor Roulou appeared in front of her wearing a fierce glare.

'Oh crap what have I missed?'

"Miss Regan you may think that you are above learning in this class but will you do as I say immediately before I lose my temper and put you into detention and get into pairs so you can do the work I have set you" the Professor hissed, narrowing her eyes.

"Ye-yes Professor, I'll do-"Natasha stammered a bit before she was interrupted.

"NOW!" the professor yelled at her causing her to jump and look frantically around for someone to work with. The class broke out into titters of laughter, even the Gryffindors as they saw her predicament and her heart sank as she saw that there was only one other person without a partner.

'Oh yeah this is my lucky day, what the hell have I done to deserve this?' She moaned in her head as she started to approach the lone figure of one Severus Snape, with the large nose and incredibly greasy hair. 'Not only is he a Slytherin but he's a complete enigma and a moody bastard, and I have to work with him?!' she yelled mentally, as the Slytherin boy turned and sneered at her.

"You better not mess this up Regan, although I wouldn't be surprised if you did you pathetic muggle lover" he spat, moving over so there was a large gap between them, whilst Tasha merely sighed.

"Please Severus I just want to do well, I've got enough trouble without having Roulou breathing down my neck" she said quietly and he looked at her startled.

"What did you call me?" he exclaimed, shock evident in his voice.

"Um...Severus" she replied eyeing him strangely. 'Okay maybe he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed' she mused.

"No I know that, but why?"

"Because it's your name" she answered simply ignoring his confused stare as she began to copy down the ingredients for the potions assignment that they had just been set.

They worked together in silence for a while which surprisingly wasn't awkward and for once her mind didn't wander off as she concentrated on her work. 'Well I'd rather be doing that then having Roulou and Severus yelling at me'. She was brought out of her thoughts by the quiet voice of the boy who was working along side her.

"So what trouble do you have then?" he inquired as she frowned at him 'Trouble? What trouble?' she thought frantically back to the conversation they'd just had when it hit her.

"Oh...not too much trouble really, it's not important" she said hurriedly avoiding his gaze as she concentrated fiercely on chopping up the mandrake roots in front of her.

"Well if there's not that much trouble then why do you shy away from people?"

"What are you my stalker? Besides I could say the same about you, I'm not the only one who is shunned by my own house" she bit out and she couldn't help the bitterness that crept into her tone.

"But you have Evans and Lamington though don't you" his voice was practically a whisper but she could hear the sadness in it. "I don't have anyone".

Natasha's head whipped round to look at him but his face was expressionless and it appeared as though he'd never had the conversation with her. 'Plus I suspect that he didn't want me to here that last bit but well he's right....at least I have friends. Maybe we're more alike than I first thought'

After their brief but interesting conversation the lesson luckily seemed to fly by and it wasn't long until Professor Roulou was issuing instructions for their homework.

"Alright class listen up, and this time Black and Regan pay attention" Natasha's eyes narrowed at being placed in the same category as Sirius 'I mean we're nothing alike!' she yelled in her head before quickly paying attention once more. "This term I have set you a project that requires you to work with the same partners you were working with this lesson. I will hand you each a different potion for you to research, and I expect this project to be presented with evidence of a great amount of commitment and maturity".

Natasha sighed heavily before glancing at Severus to find him staring at her with a calculating gaze before he quickly glanced at the piece of parchment that had been placed on their table.

"We are to research about the Draught of Peace, and comment on its uses and dangers" he told her, "Also we need to...oh bugger" he trailed off.

"What, what else is it?" she inquired, trying to push away the curling tendrils of worry that were starting to spread through her stomach.

"We have to try and discover a cure" he stated dryly, not looking amused in the slightest.

"Ooo goody, we have to try and find a way to cure eternal sleep when some fool has taken too much of the draught" she muttered to herself before noticing he was looking at her in surprise. "What?" she asked quietly, finding it strange that she seemed to be able to talk to him with relative ease.

"Oh I was just in a state of shock that you actually know something about potions" he smirked at her.

"Excuse me I'll have you know....wait a minute" she narrowed her eyes again; "You're just messing with me aren't you?"

"You're quite the observationalist aren't you, maybe there's hope for you yet in potions"

"You bet, it's my best subject" she gave a half smile 'Oh dear lord I'm joking about with a Slytherin...there's got to be something wrong here'

"Oh really? Then I dread to think how bad you are in your other subjects then" he sneered but she could see the underlying amusement.

"So Severus tell me, do you make a habit of joking around with Gryffindors?" she raised a bright blue eyebrow at him and she frowned mentally as she saw his face close up completely.

"I'll meet you in the library on Thursday at 7 o'clock sharp, don't be late" he hissed at her before he swept out of the room.

'Okay was it something I said?' she thought in confusion before turning round and coming face to chest with someone of the male species. 'Or maybe not what I said.....' she mused thoughtfully. 'Trust this stupid idiot to ruin another aspect of my life' she sighed knowing full well who it was that was in front of her.

She turned back and started packing away her things, all the while painfully aware of the person who was standing uncomfortably close to her. She was in the process of placing her potions ingredients in her bag when she stiffened as she felt a soft breath on the back of her neck.

"My, my we were getting on awfully well with one Snivellus weren't we" a deep voice whispered in her ear causing her to shiver involuntarily.

"What's it to you, are you jealous or something?" she snapped at him before shutting her mouth quickly. 'Oh girl you are really asking for it today...get out of here quick!' she yelled at herself mentally. Then without even glancing back to see the look on Sirius' face she quickly grabbed her bag and ran from the room, not even bothering to stop for Lily and Ruby who were waiting outside for her.

The rest of the day seemed to pass in a bit of a blur for Natasha which consisted mostly of her attempting to avoid Sirius as much as possible. All her lessons seemed to merge into one as the hours flew by, speeding up the time of dinner that was awaiting her in the Great Hall.

She entered the Hall when it was half full, the bewitched ceiling taking on the form of a clear night sky, the inky darkness sprinkled with the twinkling form of stars. She sat down at the Gryffindor table right next to Lily and Ruby and began helping herself to some mashed potatoes and gravy, not feeling particularly hungry that day. She noticed her two friends concerned faces and raised a questioning eyebrow at them.

"Um Tasha are you ok? We've tried talking to you since you rushed past us outside of potions but you haven't been answering" Lily commented, frowning slightly.

"You have?!" Natasha asked in shock, "Shit I'm sorry I've just been so caught up in my thoughts, I had a slightly bad potions lesson and it sort of threw me for the rest of the day. I'm fine though honestly" She attempted to smile reassuringly at them.

"Snape isn't bothering you is he? If he is then I'll sort out the slimy git for you" Ruby declared fiercely.

"No, no it's not him, surprisingly he was fine. It was more or less the person who approached me afterwards. You know Sirius Black? He just makes me feel.....uneasy" Tasha admitted 'Oh please uneasy? That's like the biggest understatement of the year!' she silently added.

"Yeah I can see how he could be....he hasn't done anything has he?" Lily asked in concern.

"No not yet but I have a really horrible feeling that he might" she declared miserably.

"Well not to worry, we're always here to look out for you" Ruby smiled at her, which helped lift her spirits slightly.

'Severus is right' she thought, 'I do have great friends, it's so much better that I'm not fully on my own'

She tensed suddenly as she saw from the corner of her eye a certain very tall, black haired handsome boy sit down a mere three seats from her. She quickly gulped down some pumpkin juice, hoping she'd go unnoticed but somehow deep inside, she knew that wasn't going to happen. Natasha started to absentmindedly play with her food as her thoughts drifted off; conjuring up many different scenarios as to how one Sirius Black could torment her. She was in the process of imagining herself being floated upside down above the great hall, frantically clutching at her robes to stop them falling over her head, as her tormentor barked manically in laughter below her, when his voice pierced through her thoughts.

"Hey bluebottle, that food was meant to go in to that pretty face of yours you know?" he called out and before she realised what was happening he'd done a simple flick of his wand and her plate came crashing down on her head, her mashed potatoes and gravy splattering all over her face and down her neck and the front of her robes.

'Oh God please no, this is not happening please...'her thoughts trailed off as the embarrassing reality of the situation sank in and she blushed a bright red, setting of the blueness of her hair.

As the laughter began to erupt throughout the Great Hall she scrambled from her seat making a beeline for the door, ignoring whatever taunts Sirius could be throwing at her. As she fled the last thing she saw amidst the raucous laughter was the face of Severus Snape, expressionless as usual as his eyes followed her. However she didn't have time to contemplate his reaction as Lily and Ruby caught up with her in the entrance hall.

"Tasha hun are you okay?" Lily asked as she caught up with her.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just need to get cleaned up, worse things have happened", she said as she forced a smile. It soon became a real smile however after Lily muttered a spell and the food vanished from Natasha's clothes, face and hair.

"That's our Lils, the resident genius witch" Ruby exclaimed before drawing Tasha into a hug. "Just ignore that prat Tash, he really isn't worth it" she reassured before letting go and allowing Lily to hug Natasha.

"Yeah Ruby is right, and we can always help sort him out for you" the red head added with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Nah that's okay, it's like you've said, ignoring them is the best way, and I wouldn't want to get you two into trouble. I'm fine now honestly, I'd just like to think, you can go back and enjoy your food, I know you both had your eye on the chocolate sponge" she said teasingly, 'And so did I for that matter' she thought longingly.

Ruby and Lily exchanged a glance, realising that their quiet friend needed some time alone.

"Well okay then if you're sure" Ruby said, "We'll see you tomorrow at breakfast" she added before both she and Lily retreated back into the Great Hall, and now as Natasha was on her own, she allowed the tears to well in her eyes as she turned and fled into the labyrinth that was Hogwarts, making for the sanctuary that she could always call her own.

A/N: Okies there ya go and I know some of you are gonna think Sirius is even more evil but what I really want to know is....what did you think of Snape? I'd love to know what you thought

Yavanna


	4. The bubble bursts

**Disclaimer**: See first chapter 

A/N: Okay I would come up with a genius excuse right now as to why it's been a month since I updated but I can't......the truth is I'm just plain lazy, I'm very sorry. But now it's the shout out to my fabulous reviewers!

**Umi Winner**:- Yeah Sirius has a dark side, but in this chapter you might have more insight as to why. Thanks so much for the review!!

**Yoda**:- Yay you likes it! Yep Tasha is a sympathy character and Severus? A love interest? I guess that has prospects....thanks for reviewing!

**The Price of Fate**:- Yep yep Snape is going to really liven things up I hope, thanks for the review and I hope you like this chapter as much.

**Coco bean**: - Yep Sirius is stupid and Snape is strangely nice, but whether or not he likes Natasha in that way...you'll have to wait and see. I'm sorry it took so long to update but I hope you like it and thanks for the review )

**Tina Sparkle**:- hehhehehe Snape aint boring! Well I guess he might be a bit and he does need someone to stop him going to the dark side.....do you think Tasha will succeed? Thanks for the review )

**Goldenwolf88**:- Yeah I hate making Sirius evil but he isn't really....just strangely bitter. Thanks for the review!!

**Heidi**:- I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the review )

Ok I'm shutting up now and I really hope you like it!!

Chapter 4 - The Bubble Bursts

Sirius sat hunched over a large oak desk in the library, towers of books before him, blocking him from view, although he'd allowed a small gap to be formed for him to look through. He now had plain sight of his project and he was studying her, looking for any sign of weakness.

It had been surprisingly easy to get away to spy on his project, otherwise known as Natasha Regan. Ever since his meeting with Cassie on the Monday, and it was now Thursday, she'd been acting as though they were a couple.

'Damn stupid female, doesn't she know I don't do commitment?' he questioned silently and sighed. She was far too clingy for her own good. He'd managed however to flee from her possessive clutch by adamantly maintaining that this night was a guys night. She'd seemed slightly put out by this for reasons unknown to him so he'd just put it down to hormones.

'Besides, she ought to know that my fellow Marauders are much more important to me than she is' he thought to himself as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

There had just been one tiny little problem with his plan – Cassie and her friend Eluned had shown up in the library. This had been a bit of a shock to him, as he hadn't thought that she knew where the library was. It was a minor hitch though so he only had to glance around every few minutes or so to check if he'd been spotted but he never was.

The two blonde's seemed too absorbed with the guys around them to notice anything else, including the death glares the vulture like Madam Pince was sending them. The guys around them appeared to be the only reason that they were there and Sirius felt a surge of annoyance flow through him. If Cassie thought that she could play him for a fool then she could think again.

'Ah well, at least now I have a perfectly good reason for getting rid of her', he thought to himself happily as that minor problem seemed to be cleared up.

Although it had been easy to get away from Cassie it had been slightly harder to get away from his friends, most likely due to the fact that he disliked lying to them. It had been easy enough to fool Peter, who'd accepted his story of spending time with Cassie without question. Remus and James however had been more suspicious, especially James, and Sirius couldn't help but remember the conversation he'd had with them the day before.

Flashback

Sirius was sprawled in a springy armchair in the Marauders corner of the Gryffindor common room. Peter was sitting by a table nearby, tounge sticking out slightly as he concentrated on his charms homework. Remus and James were approaching Sirius slowly and as he glanced up he raised an eyebrow at their troubled expressions.

'Uh-oh, something's up, James is never serious unless something bad's happened'.

Worry began to spread through him as they sat opposite him and exchanged semi-nervous looks.

"Prongs, Moony? What's wrong? What's happened?" he asked in alarm. 'What the hells wrong with them?' he wondered in his mind. Remus seemed to gather himself before he answered, doing nothing to settle Sirius' nerves.

"Nothing's wrong really Padfoot", he began and Sirius felt himself let out a sigh of relief. "But we were worried about your behaviour", Remus finished causing Sirius to snap his head up and look at them in bewilderment.

"My behaviour?" he asked. 'My behaviour?!' he repeated in his mind as James decided to take over.

"Well yeah mate, the way you've been treating, um, Natasha. I mean I like doing pranks as much as you, but Padfoot she hasn't done anything to you and she isn't a Slytherin".

"Oh come on Prongs it's just a bit of fun, it's not as if the pranks I do are harmful", Sirius pointed out, and all though James appeared to relax, Remus seemed to tense up even more.

'Geez what's wrong with them? Especially James, I mean has he had a personality transplant without informing me?' he thought slightly moodily.

"Okay I guess not" James conceded.

"But try and cut down Padfoot, it really isn't fair on her", Remus added seeing as James was too busy ruffling his hair as Lily walked past.

"Yeah sure thing", Sirius said. 'Oh please I don't think so, the blue haired girl's tough' he thought. A small part of him knew that it was wrong but he'd been hurt so much in the past that a great anger had built up inside of him and he couldn't see any other way of release and he thought to hell with the people who got hurt in the process. It would be no where near as bad as what he'd been through.

End flashback

After remembering that conversation Sirius frowned as he recalled again the difference in James' attitude, but then a thought struck him.

'Evans! She was nearby the whole time.....he had to have been trying to impress her', his frown dissolved quickly and he was glad that he'd sorted the slightly confusing situation out.

A sudden commotion on the other side of the library drew his attention and he had to stifle a laugh. It appeared that Madam Pince had had enough of Cassie and Eluned's giggling and had asked them to leave. The look of mortification on their faces was priceless and he ducked quickly, effectively hiding himself and his grin from view.

Now that the two Gryffindor girls had gone the group of boys cleared off, providing Sirius with no more distractions from his task at hand which he was grateful for. He didn't want this to be a wasted evening.

He frowned again as his gaze settled once more on Natasha; he just couldn't seem to figure her out. Over the past week he'd played more pranks on her than he usually did in a whole month but she just seemed to take it in her stride. Her gaze never changed, and even in the most embarrassing situations she didn't blush. It was completely infuriating yet he couldn't help respecting her as well for how she was handling it – it appeared that she had an inner strength.

She had a very confusing friendship going on with Snape though – one that he didn't like.

'I mean who has ever heard of a Slytherin and Gryffindor friendship before? Its plain wrong!' he half ranted in his mind before an alarming thought stuck him.

He'd never seen her smile.

He focused on her intently and noticed the slight uplift of the corner of her lips but that was it. He realised then and there that that was the most he'd ever seen her smile and it sent him reeling. He just couldn't grasp how she could not smile, it was so weird.....

'It was wrong'.

The thought sprang out at him with such conviction and intensity that he scared himself and gave himself a mental shake.

'Don't be an arse', he thought to himself, 'You barely see her, and when you have done the situations haven't actually provided amusement for her. She probably smiles all the time', he reassured himself.

But still the thought of notsmiling disorientated him. After all it was only the times when he was laughing and smiling with the Marauders that helped him get through hid days. He decided then and there to follow her even more, 'Just until I see her smile', he mentally said, knowing all too well that it would annoy and puzzle him until he saw it.

Snape and Natasha appeared to be finished in the library for that evening as they packed away their books and Snape smiled. Sirius froze.

'Snivellus smiled?!' He gave the equivalent of a manly mental shriek. 'Dear Merlin is he flirting? Oh my eyes, my poor eyes' he moaned in his head whilst ducking behind his mound of books as they walked past. He was so appalled he completely forgot about following Natasha and he walked out in a daze, with the venomous glare of Madam Pince following him as he hadn't put any of his books away.

It was just before the curfew time, when Sirius was strolling past the picture of Lord Pinsomscot, who was a slightly podgy, overdressed drunkard who never could make an intelligible sound that it happened. He bumped into his 7th year cousin Bellatrix Black.

"Well look who it is, the shame of the family", she sneered tossing her long black hair back and glancing at him through eyes of obsidian under heavy lids.

'Oh please not her....' He pleaded in his head.

"Bellatrix", he said shortly and tried to move around her, but her hand shot out and grabbed his arm in a bruising grip, not that he'd let that show.

"You'd better watch your step Sirius", she hissed. "Not many people are happy with you, you pathetic worthless miscreant. Those beatings your father gives you are no where near good enough. If you were living with me I assure you that walking would be problematic for you, and you'd better watch your step from now on or I promise you the same thing will occur here".

The look in her eyes assured him that she could easily carry out her threat and as she let go and seemingly disappeared into the shadows, he stood there slightly numb with shock until a voice spoke to him.

"Looks like you've got a problem there lad", the booming voice of Lord Pinsomscot said, and Sirius was too surprised that the portrait had actually made sense, that it took him a couple of seconds for what he said to register.

"Oh keep your fat face out of my business", he snarled before stalking off, his thoughts in complete disarray and turmoil as he tried to figure out what to do about his family.

It was roughly midnight when Sirius entered the Gryffindor common room. He'd decided that he couldn't face James and the others right after talking to Bellatrix so he'd decided to mull things over. Not a good idea. He was now in a severe bad mood, and James who had waited up for him knew immediately not to bother him too much.

"Hey Padfoot what's wrong? Cassie came back ages ago".

"Oh, yeah, I just needed to think, I've decided to break up with her", Sirius said falling on to the sofa, his hair falling over his face.

"Oh is that all? You seem really....." James trailed off now knowing what to say.

"Preoccupied? Angry? Homicidal?" Sirius offered and grinned slightly as James chuckled.

"Yep that about covers it – you going to tell me why?"

"I ran into Bellatrix", he replied flatly. 'The stupid bitch that deserves to rot in hell with-' his mental tirade was cut short as James started talking in alarm.

"Shit man, you okay? What did she do?"

Sirius recapped his meeting with her as she idly traced the gold threaded pattern on a scarlet cushion so he wouldn't have to look at his best friends face. He had no choice though when James gripped his shoulder.

"Sirius none of what she said is true. You aren't pathetic, you're a brilliant friend, the best a guy could have, and she won't do anything here. Not with Dumbledore around, and you've got us Marauders to look out for you as well", he declared fiercely and Sirius felt relieved. It always helped to share things with James.

"Thanks Prongs mate, I needed to hear that, I'll tell Remus and Peter tomorrow but right now I'm going to bed. I don't know about you but I'm bloody knackered".

"Me too mate", his best friend agreed.

They quickly climbed in to bed and Sirius knew that James fell asleep almost immediately. He however let his thoughts wonder for a while.

'Bellatrix better not try anything but if she does the Marauders are going to give her the ultimate payback'. Sirius' thoughts travelled over this trail of thought and he fell asleep with a contented smile on his lips, as he dreamed up different ways to torment his evil older cousin.

A/N: Well there ya go, what did you think? Is Sirius getting any sympathy votes now? And isn't Bellatrix a bitch? I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter, I look forward to your comments!!

Yavanna


	5. Perverted Portrait

**Disclaimer**: See first chapter 

A/N: Okay here's another chapter for you all to read. I hope you like it and I know not much happens but I'm still laying the foundations down for the rest of the story, so even if nothing important seems to happen it is relevant. Before you read though, here's a quick thanks to all my reviewers.

**Umi Winner**:- Yep I also have a deeply ingrained hatred for Bellatrix.....and yeah you've got a sympathy vote for Sirius now but I'm not sure how long that's going to last......thanks for the review!

**Coco bean**:- Argh you can't hate him, not like him sure but hate? hugs Sirius he isn't evil really....just misunderstood....but well its how I've written him and I'm glad people are forming their own opinions...you never know you may change yours P thanks for reviewing.

**SunStar6**:- woo you reviewed! Thanks very much ) and yeah you can so write the sequels with me, they are going to rock!

**Goldenwolf88**:- hehehe yeah he's stalking Natasha, it'll all come to a head though in a couple of chapters I think....I want to get this story moving although I have a feeling some future chapters are going to be difficult....and yeah bellabitch....I hate her, but thanks for reviewing!

**Makoto**:- A three headed dog eh? It isn't by any chance called Fluffy is it? P Thanks for the review and I'm glad you like my story.

**Heidi**:- lol I'm sensing a strong feeling of dislike centred on poor Bellatrix P heheh who am I kidding, she is evil! And you don't know for sure if Snape likes Natasha like that yet.....but he might... thanks for the review

**SeleneA**:- Yay a long review! Okay first off I think I've realised now that Sirius isn't going to have many sympathy votes....but that could change P And Tasha having another potions accident.......I might use that maybe not in this story but the next one...it depends where my muse takes me. I totally agree with you about Bellatrix....and where I got the idea from, well I don't really know. I mean I always like the Lily/James generation stories and I had an idea for there being a secret room in Hogwarts but where the storyline came from...well it just hit me out of the blue really. And finally thanks so much for reviewing, it means a lot to me that people like my story )

And before I let you read can I just say that Yoda is a lazy bum who really should get round to reviewing my story. Okay I'm done now, but updates will probably be about every 2 weeks or so, depending on whether the chapters want to be written.

Chapter 5 - Perverted Portrait

'Hell', it was the only thought that could spring to Natasha's mind at that moment in time. 'Sheer pissing hell. I mean do I have a sign on my back saying "torment me" or something? Coz that really is the only explanation I can come up with', she fumed thinking about how a certain "arrogant-girly- haired-prat" was treating her. That was in fact her nice name for him, the others...well let's just say they weren't for innocent ears.

The first three weeks of the new school year had been horrible and it was all down to the fact that Sirius Black kept picking on her. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was every now and then but it was continuous.

'Although I noticed Remus not looking too happy about it, but why doesn't he use his authority to stop him?' she asked herself. Her new acquaintance, Severus, had pointed out to her however that the amount of pranks had begun to decrease. Ordinarily this would have comforted her if it wasn't for the fact that she had the most awfully suspicion that Sirius was now following her.

'Well it's either that or I'm incredibly paranoid – or both', she thought moodily.

It was just before curfew set in and she was making her way back to her sanctuary from the library. She knew Lily and Ruby were upset and worried by this, as she usually waited until after the Christmas holidays until she began disappearing without telling them where she was going. But this year she couldn't wait, she just needed to get away.

She was approaching the corridor towards the portrait of Lord Pinsomscot, which was the doorway to her sanctuary, and she began to mull over the fact of how unfair it was that she was picked on.

'I mean I've been bullied since my first day here and I'm getting sick of it! I've done nothing to deserve it and I'm tired of being a victim! Maybe I should just fight back....'

She'd said this to Severus in the library earlier and she'd been shocked at how adamant he was against the idea. There was a strange relationship between them though. They weren't friends but they were more than acquaintances, but half the time she didn't know what to make of the moody Slytherin.

Flashback

"Okay Severus would you mind filling me in on why standing up for myself is so bad, because I'm really in the dark here", Natasha snapped, slamming closed her copy of 'Gruesome tales of Potions Gone Wrong' by T.L Snobsin, who appeared to be one of Severus' favourite authors.

'I really don't know why...maybe it's because of the pictures?' she wondered glancing at the gruesomely disfigured person on the cover. 'Merlin I hope not....'

"You know your accent is so strong that it's very hard to understand you sometimes", he commented, idly picking up the book she'd discarded and began leafing through it.

"Stop changing the subject", she glared at him heatedly before continuing, "And what do you mean about my accent?"

"Now look who's going off topic-"he began.

"Severus!" Natasha yelled in a whisper causing Severus to hold up his hands in mock defence.

"Okay, okay, it's just that you've got a really strong Welsh accent anyway so it's sometimes hard to follow and if you get wound up or angry then its damn near impossible", he explained calmly an went back to glancing through the book as she thought about it.

'I guess he has a point....I only ever speak Welsh at home so my accent is strong...hmm I may have to work on that' she mused but then narrowed her eyes as she caught sight of the small smile he was wearing. He had successfully thrown her off the original trail of the conversation and he knew it.

"Okay so my accents strong, no biggie, but can you please tell me why standing up for myself is so bad?" she asked him in a slow and clear voice to ensure he'd understand. He sighed in exasperation and glared at her slightly.

"You're not going to drop this now are you?"

"No"

"Right fine then, if you must know I really don't see the benefit in you fighting him back when it'll only make him more determined to pick on you until you break", Severus stated with a gleam of what looked like concern in his eyes but Natasha ignored it.

"Yes but if I stand up for myself it'll prove that I'm not weak and he can't just push me around", she pointed out rationally. 'Ha! try and come up with a way to counter that', she thought triumphantly.

"And then he'll just get his friends like Potter", he spat out the name and his face contorted with disgust, "to help him out, and then were will you be?"

'Oh......damn, he out smarted me again' she thought in dismay and he laughed slightly at her defeated expression.

"Gods Regan you are so damn innocent it isn't funny", he then said as his face sobered and Tasha frowned slightly.

'Whey wont he call me by my first name? This whole second name thing is annoying' she thought but decided not to mention it this time.

"I am not that innocent! I just want to get back at that arrogant........prat" she finished heatedly and looked on in confusion as he let out another short laugh.

"Prat? Is that the best you can come up with? Like I said you're innocent" he stated and held up a hand to stop her as she opened her mouth to reply. "Look let's just drop it, the pranks are dieing down now and he'll soon get bored with you so you don't have to worry", he said and there was a hint of bitterness underneath.

'Probably because he knows they'll never get bored of pranking him' she realised and gazed around absently, not having the heart to research anymore about potions that night. Her eyes settled on something in Severus' bag and it took her a while to figure out what it was. It was an ugly looking black book with dark pages and a thick cover with slashes in it that looked suspiciously as though they'd been made with a knife. Her blue eyes widened as she saw the title.

"Severus!" she exclaimed a lot louder then she'd intended and cowed under Madam Pince's glare. She leaned closer to the Slytherin and hissed quietly:

"What are you doing with a Dark Arts book like that? They don't even teach that stuff in 7th year!"

Natasha watched in amazement as Severus' face closed up and he snatched his bag away.

"It's none of your business", he snarled and searched around for something to distract her with and spotted some parchment sticking out of her bag, and he snatched it up before she could stop him.

"Hey give that back!" she whispered in slight fear as he held it dangerously close to the candle on the table.

"Why, what is it? A love letter?" he taunted with a malicious light in his eyes.

'What the hell's his problem? All I did was ask him a simple question, he has no right to treat me like this!' she fumed inwardly.

"No, it's a letter from my dad actually", she snapped waspishly and he blinked.

"Oh", he said intelligently but didn't give it back, although he thankfully moved it away from the candle. "Well in that case you wont mind me reading it", and he opened it quickly but his brow furrowed. "Um...I can't read it".

"That's because it's in Welsh twpsin", she half growled, angry that he was reading something of hers that was given to her by her father. She didn't get to see him as much as she'd like as she of course attended Hogwarts, so she treasured the letters he sent. Severus looked slightly startled at her tone.

"What does......twpsin mean?" he said the word hesitantly as he wasn't sure how to pronounce it properly.

"It means idiot or stupid", she answered shortly and looked at him pointedly. He scowled at her slightly and pointed to the last line.

"What does that say?" he queried and she glanced at it.

"Caru ti am byth", she said non-committed and tried to get the letter but he jerked his hand away.

"And it means...?" he prompted looking rather annoyed at this point.

"Love you forever", she snapped out and snatched the letter back and put it in her bag.

"Well if you're going to be like that..." he glared at her darkly and packed his bag quickly, storming out of the library and leaving Tasha sat at their table stunned, completely thrown by his mood swings.

End Flashback

A noise startled Natasha back into reality. Glancing around she sought for the sound of the noise and froze when she saw Mrs Norris, the caretaker's cat. Looking into those amber, lamp like eyes Tasha read the promise to get her into trouble. The cat blinked once before hurrying off to find her master.

'Oh crap, shit.....bollocks!' These were the only thoughts going through her head as she hared off down the corridor, thankful that the portrait wasn't far.

There was Lord Pinsomscot as usual, slightly drunk and mumbling to himself. That wasn't to say he didn't make sense though. She'd had numerous conversations with him and he'd informed her of many of the secret passage ways and hidden rooms in the school. None of this mattered to Tasha at the moment anyway as she cringed inwardly as the password. She wished she knew how to change it.

'I mean why cariad? Why does it have to mean either my love or lover? Trust that perverted-' her trail of thoughts were cut off however when the chubby lord spotted her.

"Ah me dear Natasha!" his loud voice boomed throughout the corridor, and Tasha felt a surge of alarm. Surely Filch would have heard that!

"Cariad" she said hurriedly but Lord Pinsomscot just beamed at her.

"You know my dear I wouldn't say no but my being a portrait does complicate...."

Natasha tuned him out as panic flared in her when she heard the distant echo of shuffling footsteps. It meant Filch was coming.

"Please Lord Pinsomscot...." It was a futile attempt however as he was not rambling on about something completely different.

"Always the same on the third floor corridor. I tap my wand on the humpbacked, one-eyed witch and Dissendium I say!" he mumbled and slurred slightly.

"Lord Pinsomscot!" she hissed loudly and he looked at her in slight exasperation.

"How many times must I ask you to call me Geoffrey?" he complained loudly and Tasha shot a terrified look down the corridor where she could hear Filch getting closer.

"Okay, Geoffrey, I'm sorry but can you let me in now please?" she cast him a desperate look but he gazed sternly at her.

"Now then Natasha you know you have to say the password..." he began reprimanding her but she cut him off by practically bellowing "Cariad!" at him. He gave her a slight glare and sniffed in annoyance.

"No need to yell..." he muttered but the portrait swung open anyway allowing Tasha to sneak in and just as it snapped shit, Filch rounded the corner breathing hard. He gave a slight howl of disappointment but soon gathered himself.

"Never mind my sweet", he said to Mrs Norris, "We'll get them next time". There was then an almighty crash from above him and Filch attempted to glare through the ceiling.

"PEEVES!" he bellowed and ran off, Mrs Norris right behind him, completely intent on trying to get enough dirt on the poltergeist to expel him from the castle.

Tasha leant back against the closed portrait and let out a huge sigh of relief. That had been far too close.

'Stupid bloody perverted portrait!' she fumed but couldn't really stay angry with the drunken lord for too long. He was nice enough and knew the castle well and had helped her on many occasions.

A huge wave of calm and peacefulness washed over her as she gazed around the room, her eyes caressing the surfaces that had grown to mean so much to her. If she was to call anyone or anything her best friend it would be this room, no matter how sad or pathetic that seemed. It had shared everything with her, all the good times and the bad, and it knew all her secrets. She was just thankful that the walls couldn't talk.....well she seriously hoped they couldn't, but who knew? At Hogwarts anything was possible.

The room she was in now was fairly large with a high ceiling and oak floorboards that had been worn down with time. Opposite the doorway was a huge window that reached all the way to the ceiling and was about 6 foot wide. On either side were scarlet rich velvety curtains that Tasha never closed, the view presented to her was too spectacular to do that.

Her eyes were subjected to the sight of the large sloping grounds, the lake, the whomping willow, the forbidden forest and even Hagrid's hut. It was truly breathtaking and what was even better was that the window couldn't be seen from outside. She'd worried about being seen through it when she was younger but whenever she'd gone out on the grounds and looked up it was no where to be seen. On the fourth floor, where her window should have been there was nothing but the stone wall of Hogwarts. Lord Pinsomscot had informed her later that there was a charm placed on it to stop others from finding it.

She tore her eyes away from the view and they caught on the window seat. It was quite wide, large enough for her to sit on comfortably and was padded with forest green cushions. She loved to sit there and read or just gaze out of the window and dream. And what was even better was that her bed was right below it. The bed was very low, practically a futon, stretching out directly beneath the window. It had a springy mattress with a dark blue feather quilt and a multitude of bright yellow feather stuffed pillows. It was a complete contrast of colours and it was obvious that over the years, people from all four of the Hogwarts houses had inhabited the room.

This was made even clearer by the fact that one side of the room was completely covered by books from top to bottom, where spaces kept magically appearing for Natasha to fill up. There were muggle and magical books alike, ranging over many different topics, and there was a particularly nasty Dark Arts section which to Severus, Tasha thought it would be his idea of heaven.

On the other side of the room was a large oak desk. It was littered with quills and parchment in a huge tottering pile which was her homework. She'd never have suspected that the professors were capable of torture, but this school year she had been proven wrong.

'It's like they want to bury me in it or something', she thought eyeing it distastefully. 'I mean I know its O.W.L year, but this is beyond a joke!'

She let out a long-suffering sigh but after a half hour of trying to understand the switching spell for transfiguration, she threw down her quill in a huff.

"This is bloody impossible!" she yelled aloud, "Why can't I get this stupid spell?" she questioned the room, but when she only received an answer of silence she decided to give up. Instead she picked up her diary and quill and went to sit on her window seat.

She was in the process of writing down what Lord Pinsomscot had told her about the statue of the witch on the third floor when a movement on the grounds caught her eye. Madam Pomfrey was rushing over to the whomping willow with one Remus Lupin who looked utterly miserable. The tree branches froze suddenly as the medi-witch used a branch to touch the knot at the base of the tree and freeze the branches. They both quickly disappeared but she appeared again in less then a minute and as she crossed the grounds a full moon was revealed as the clouds were parted with a gentle breeze.

Tasha's eyes filled in sympathy for the boy with the curse of lycanthropy, but she knew better than to pity him. Pity was something no one deserved or liked, which she knew from personal experience. She'd realised that Remus was a werewolf in her third year but she wouldn't ever reveal his secret.

'I mean if I get picked on this much for having blue hair, imagine what would happen to him if people found out his secret?' she mused and shuddered at the thought. Remus already suffered once a month more than anything she could ever imagine, he didn't need any more grief. She shut her diary with a sigh and made to go to bed, somehow when thinking about Remus she realised that perhaps her own problems weren't so bad after all.

A/N: Okay there you go, not too eventful but well it's piecing everything together, I hope you liked it and I look forward to your comments

Yavanna


	6. Confrontation and Realisation

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

A/N: I know that there isn't an excuse for not updating in 8 months…….I truly am a terrible author and all I can do is apologise. I know if I'd have sat down I could have written this but despite how long its taken I am pleased with the result.

However please don't any of you get your hopes up, updates are not going to be a frequent thing at all. I am absolutely bogged down with essays and such until Christmas, and then all over the holidays I have got to revise for my exams as well as my resits….an incredibly hectic time I assure you. I do believe that your only consolation could be is that I get so fed up with my work that I just type up a chapter anyway even though I don't really have the time. So I'll stop prattling on so you can read, and apologies once again for the time between updates. Responses to reviews will be at the bottom of the chapter.

Chapter 6 - Confrontation and Realisation

Sirius was attempting to crouch down low whilst walking at an incredibly fast pace, all the while trying to ignore the pain developing in his back.

"Sirius your feet are showing again!" James hissed at him from the corner of his mouth.

"Well I can't help it, this is so bloody uncomfortable", Sirius managed to mutter then let out a sigh of relief when he saw the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Gobbledigook" he said hurriedly and scrambled in through the open doorway as quickly as sharing the invisibility cloak with James allowed. They hurried up the stairs to the boys dormitory that they shared with Remus, Peter and Frank Longbottom.

'Remus better be thankful for this'

No sooner had he finished the thought James removed the invisibility cloak and Remus practically pounced on them, relieving them of their burden. Sirius began to chuckle as he saw his friend cramming the chocolate they had acquired from the kitchens in to his mouth.

"Remus mate we really need to try and cure you of that addiction".

The others began to laugh along with him whilst their chocoholic friend ignored them and continued to consume the much needed substance. Without it, the pain and sickness surrounding his monthly transformations were too much for Remus to bear.

"Hey where did Frank go?" James asked as he noticed the boy's absence. Peter began to giggle shrilly.

"He's got an _appointment_ with Alice" he managed to snicker out and Sirius gave a barking laugh.

"Good on him! It took him long enough to make his move", he chuckled, grey eyes shining with mirth. All of a sudden he turned his laughter into a strangled gasp, and his three friends turned to him in worry. He however ignored their concerned looks, his eyes fixed on one point.

"Doth mine eyes deceive me, or has our crazed friend failed to eat all the chocolate?"

James clutched a hand to his chest in mock-horror.

"Merlin Padfoot I think you're right!"

They both staggered around in pretend disbelief and then proceeded to "faint" and fall on Peter's bed. Leastways, that was the plan.

Remus and Peter doubled over laughing as they heard a muffled "Bugger, I missed the bed", from Sirius and James groaning as he rubbed his head that had collided with the stone floor. Sirius stood up gingerly and glared at them but they saw his amusement shining in his eyes. He gave a tearful sniff for effect.

"Well its nice to see you two are so supportive of us, especially you Remus!" he cried, grabbing on to the front of the prefects robes, who at this moment in time was shaking with silent mirth. "After we battled with a fearsome feline and brutal elves to get you the most prized food and then in our hour of need you just laugh!" he exclaimed, releasing Remus' robes who then joined James and Peter on the floor laughing. Sirius seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, attempting to keep the smile from his face, before collecting himself once more.

"Well I can see there's nothing for it, I shall just have to console myself with those delicious cream cakes down in the kitchens" he stated with a long suffering sigh, and without further comment he all but flounced out of the room, the sound of his three best friends' laughter echoing out behind him.

After exiting the portrait hole once more to the disgruntled mumbling of the Fat Lady, he cursed silently to himself realising he'd forgotten James' invisibility cloak. He shrugged to himself realising there was no point in going back and he continued to carefully make his way back down to the kitchens, keeping a watchful eye open for either Peeves, Mrs Norris or Filch. As he crept along a small part of his mind wondered back to the night before, and he felt a thrill of excitement rush through him again.

It had been the first time he'd successfully been able to transform into his animagus form and they'd only been in school for a month. James had managed it briefly at the end of their last school year but now managed to keep in his animagus form, a stag, for at least twenty minutes with relative ease. Peter was still a long way away from being able to transform and Sirius often found himself worrying that he'd never be able to but if there was one thing you could say about the Marauders was that they were determined, and there was no way they'd give up until Peter had managed it as well.

The feeling he'd experienced transforming, even though it had only been for a few seconds still sent a blissful feeling through him. It was slightly painful to begin with, the transition of his muscles and bones, and changing and adapting to his new shape, but the freedom he felt! It was heavenly, and as though all his worries just disappeared. To be able to be like that, to just feel free and truly alive was something he usually only felt when they'd had a successful prank and the adrenaline was pumping through his veins, but just by transforming there was a way for him to feel like that all the time. For Sirius it seemed as though it was the perfect escape, the very thing that he needed when sometimes things just got too much for him.

It was true he'd had a hard life. It had started off well enough, he even remembered a time when his family liked him but he soon realised through the process of growing up that he was different to them, he just couldn't agree with their views on things. And then when he'd tried to talk to them about it they'd shunned him, bullied him and alienated him from his family, the very people he'd wanted so badly to be like and love him. It was no wonder that sometimes he lost control, that sometimes his bitterness overran his feelings and caused him to lash out. He'd also learnt that talking sometimes never changed anything; it never allowed him to express himself properly so he decided doing it through actions was better. After all, seeing as he was so apposed against the Dark Arts, then what better to do then to torment Severus Snape, one of the biggest followers of the Dark Arts in the school?

Everything that had troubled Sirius or hurt him in the past was now all coming in to play in the present day. All the past hurts against him affected everything he did and it wasn't often that he realised it. True he got down a lot when he thought of how horrible his family was and the fact that he was related to them, but now he had an option for escape, a way to release his emotions without causing too much mayhem.

'Plus it's a bloody brilliant animal to transform in to' he thought with a huge grin plastered all over his face, 'a giant shaggy black dog…..life just couldn't get any better'.

It appeared however that he'd jinxed himself for when he turned the corner he came face to face with Bellatrix, his most hated cousin. His whole body seemed to stiffen in animosity and his eyes darted round, searching the shadows in case she'd decided to bring back up with her this time. His attention was drawn to her once more however when she emitted a mocking and scathing laugh.

"Oh please don't tell me dear cousin that you're afraid of little old me" she sneered, her eyes locked on him under heavily lidded eyes. It was Sirius' turn to let out a laugh although this time it was a disbelieving one.

"Please as if I'd be scared of _you_" he bit out, anger clearly laced in his voice. Bellatrix's eyes seemed to spit fire and she approached him slowly.

"Well let me tell you that you should be….bad times are coming for you and all you so called noble hearted Gryffindors", she drawled but cut him off before he had any time to reply. "However", her voice had turned to a purr now and she reached forward to place a hand on his shoulder but he jerked away. Her hand paused in mid air before she ran it through her hair and let it drop to her side before she continued once more. "Your behaviour these past few weeks has been very pleasing for me to see, there have been remarkable Slytherin like qualities on display". She chuckled low in the back of her through at the look of disgust and shock on his face.

"Oh don't tell me you're surprised? Surely even you could tell the bullying and mind games you've been playing on that blue haired freak isn't normal Gryffindor behaviour? And don't fool yourself in to thinking I'm the only one who's noticed. The Noble House of Black is an incredibly popular and admired family, and some of us are approving of your change….perhaps you aren't such a lost cause after all. I even have a mind to write to my Aunt Black to console her that her idiot, disowned son isn't perhaps as bad as she feared. Also continue as you are and I know my master could have a vested interest in you, which I'm sure you'll be delighted with".

She finished her lengthy speech with yet another sneer yet Sirius for the life of him couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Her very expression was blank and he could learn nothing from the tone of her voice, then there was what she'd said that had also completely thrown him.

'Slytherin behaviour?! That's preposterous! And what on earth is she on about our family is admired? Not through the circles I mix with it isn't! And the master, surely she can't mean….'

His thoughts seemed to freeze at that one thought and he swiftly locked his eyes on to hers and glared.

"I have no idea as to what deluded thoughts seem to be flowing through your head but I am a Gryffindor _not_ a Slytherin! Write to my so called mother if you want, I for one am having nothing to do with her again, and as for your so called master" he spat, his disdain and revulsion evident in his looks and voice, "I would rather die then ever, _ever_ serve him or be placed in his good graces".

He finished his tirade breathing heavily with emotion, yet even he couldn't ignore the slight shiver of fear down his spine at the look now placed on Bellatrix's face. It was a mask of ice cold fury and menace and a look of pure evil and loathing was in her eyes, twisting her face into an abnormal and vulgar expression.

"You better remember those words you fool" she spat back at him, "I knew this was a hopeless cause but I had my orders, and if it's death you are asking for, death is what you are going to get" she finished with a menacing hiss before stalking past him and disappearing in to the shadows quicker then Sirius could even blink. It seemed as though that's where she belonged, in the darkness where no light could penetrate, against people like her it seemed to Sirius at that point in time, the light could never ever win.

He stood there frozen with shock for longer then he dared guess before the realisation of what she'd just said fully sank in. His expression darkened and he emitted a low growl of anger. How dare she threaten him here and in such a way, she had no right!

'And accusing me of being worth _his_ attentions, there is no way I've been that bad. I'm just having a simple amount of fun with another girl in my year, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!'

As he continued ranting to himself he began pacing down the corridors and quickly made his way outside. There was one place he always went to when he was really angry and that was down to the lake. As soon as the fresh air hit him it seemed to clear his head and calm him down. Everything seemed clearer and to smell stronger than before and he could feel himself relaxing as he approached the lake shore. That was of course until he saw a flash of blue, it was that girl Natasha. A low growl seemed to force its way out of his throat and that seemed to grab her attention, and she glanced over at him and started visibly in shock and she stared at him in something that border lined fear. Sirius felt himself smirk in satisfaction.

'Serves her right if she's afraid of me. If she hadn't have provoked me I wouldn't have teased her and then Bellatrix wouldn't have accused me like that' he thought and continued to tell himself, and it was as though he was trying to reassure himself that he was in the right. What did surprise him though was when she started to walk hesitantly towards him with her hand outstretched.

"Hey there boy, you're a beautiful dog, y-you aren't lost are you?"

'Dog, what on earth is she on about –oh' Sirius' thoughts trailed off as he realised with startling clarity that he'd transformed into his animagus shape quite without him knowing. He tilted his head to one side, thinking about how exactly to handle this situation. Thinking in dog form wasn't quite like thinking in human form, your thoughts were more detached, so your emotions didn't seem to get in the way so much.

"You know you're funny when you do that with your head" Natasha was saying and to his surprise she sat down to himself and she giggled. "I never thought a dog could look so shocked either" she murmured, more to herself really then to him.

'She seems in a pretty talkative mood, I wonder if she might say something that I could use, but no that's a Slytherin thing to do, maybe I should just leave…' Sirius started to go but was startled once more by her cry of dismay.

"Oh no please don't go! Everyone else seems to do that to me, I just don't think I could bare it if someone else did….oh I'm just being ridiculous aren't I anyway. You're a dog, there's no possible way you could understand me".

Sirius however had the satisfaction of seeing her quite surprised as he sat himself down next to her again in dog form, although he wasn't quite sure what to do when she hugged him.

'I mean I'm a dog! Who on earth hugs a dog? Her obviously I guess…' he was brought out of his thoughts however when she started to talk again.

"I mean no one apart from Lily and Ruby seems to like me and then this boy Sirius, well he just picks on me all the time and just doesn't let up and now he's _following_ me! I mean why does he set out to make my life a living hell? He does all these things to me and I can't for the life of me see why he's in Gryffindor, because he isn't obvious about what he does, it's all sly and cunning and Slytherin like and I just don't know what I did to deserve this! It's just sometimes I just don't see the point anymore, I've never done anything to anyone and then people just…" her voice broke at this point, and Sirius had the unfortunate situation to see a girl cry which was uncomfortable for anyone of the male species, as well as trying to handle the beginnings of guilt he was now feeling. He hadn't really been that bad, had he?

'No I can't have, it was just a bit of fun surely but then….she thinks I'm acting like a Slytherin and so does Bellatrix and her cronies…Oh Merlin please tell me I haven't been that bad, I mean Slytherin stands for everything I'm against I can't just have….I need to talk to James' through all of his emotional turmoil that was the one clear thought – to talk to James. He'd known deep down that he'd been doing things wrong but without a doubt he knew that his best friend could set him straight on everything that was bothering him.

He glanced back over at Natasha who seemed to have recovered from her tears and was wiping the remaining few away and he hesitantly placed his head, now in dog form, closer to hers and his nose was immediately assailed by lots of different scents. The main one was of her salty tears but there was an underlying smell that he couldn't quite place.

'Wait a minute is that strawberries…' he gave himself a mental shake, ridding himself of the random thoughts that just weren't relevant at this point in time. He thought that before he left he had to make her feel better in some way. She didn't seem to mind that his nose was now very close to her face so before she could move away he quickly liked her face and looked at her in a way that he hoped conveyed how sorry he felt, despite the fact that she didn't know it was him she'd been talking to, and without a backwards glanced he ran back up to the castle.

As he entered the building, his tounge lolling out of his mouth, he paused for a moment to transform back into his normal human body. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts but soon he felt the change and soon found himself back to normal. It was strange that it was still as comfortable as his dog form yet somehow he felt much more contained. Without another moments thought however he hurried back up to the Gryffindor common room and as he entered through the portrait hole he was unsurprised to see James pacing in front of the fireplace waiting for him.

On catching sight of his best friend James sprang forward with worry evident in his face.

"Padfoot you've been gone for ages! I thought perhaps Filch had caught you but I went out in my cloak and he was still patrolling the corridors. Where in Merlin's beard have you been?"

"My, my Prongsie boy you're doing a very good job of being my mother you know…" Sirius trailed off at the expression on James' face, clearly now wasn't the time for his humour. He heaved a sigh before falling back into one of the armchairs, and James quickly followed suite. "Okay James you better listen up though, I only want to say this once…."

It took him quite a while to relate all that had happened and he turned to James beseechingly.

"I really haven't been that bad have I? I mean I can't have, I'd have realised surely that-"

"No Padfoot you have been" James cut him off mid sentence, "And it's not like we haven't asked you to stop you know".

Sirius frowned in thought as to what his best friend could be going on about when it hit him.

"Oh but I thought you were just saying that to impress Evans"

"Well I guess I was a little bit", James blushed slightly in embarrassment, "But I was being perfectly honest about what I felt, but now you've realised what you're doing at least you'll know to stop. No what's worried me most about what you've told me is Bellatrix. It's obvious by what she said that she's working for Voldermort already, and that spells very bad news for Dumbledore and this school if there are already Death Eaters within its walls".

Sirius was taken aback by the seriousness of James' expression but whole heartedly agreed with him, and he nodded grimly.

"You're right Prongs but there's not much we can do except keep an eye on them I guess" he sighed in defeat "I hate my family…"

James reached over and gripped his shoulder.

"Your family are one thing Padfoot and you are another, how many times have I got to tell you? Look it's nearly two in the morning lets go get some sleep, you know how grumpy you get when you don't rest".

"I get grumpy! Obviously Prongs you have never looked at yourself in the morning after a few hours sleep, it is so not a pretty picture!"

"Me? Sirius I am nothing compared to you I…hey!" James exclaimed as Sirius made off with his glasses, "That was completely uncalled for!" he yelled in a whisper as he chased after his friend. There was a brief mock scuffle in the boys' dorm which James seemed to appear victorious from, before both boys collapsed in to bed exhausted. It had been a long day and the both of them had lots to think about as they fell asleep, albeit not as quickly as they would have liked.

A/N: Well there you have it, hopefully it'll have been worth the wait but I guess that's just up to you. Please, please don't hesitate to review though, they really make my day.

**Frostfurr28**: Indeed you said you couldn't wait for the next chapter and I made you wait 8 months! I am so so sorry!! But thanks so much for the review, and yes I know, I feel so sorry for Remus as well hugs Remus and as a little hint for you, you might be feeling sorry for him quite a bit in this story as well later on. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though, I tried my best.

**SeleneA**: Thank you so much for all of your great comments, and I'm really glad you think Tasha is turning out good! About the romance question….well that might not happen for a while, I mean I know after the end of this chapter Sirius seems to have come to some sort of a realisation but….we'll see about that P And you want more of L/J do you? Well I think in the next chapter there'll be more of Lily, but I don't know when I'll actually manage to write it sorry. Thanks again for such a brilliant review!!

**Goldenwolf88**: Lol I have too much talent? You should take a look at your own P Thank you so much for the review!! Sorry again for taking so long to update but I hope you liked this chapter.

**Heidi**: thanks for the review! Lol if you'd forgotten by then what had happened I'm guessing that after 8 months you better re-read them all P

**Yoda**: Yay you reviewed…and Snape fancy Tasha? I shall look in to it P thanks for the review and I hope you really liked this chapter!

**Lachwen**: Thanks for reviewing! You have no idea how happy I was that I got a review after taking so long to update. I hope you really liked this chapter as well )

And remember all of you, please review looks all sweet and angelic like lol this better work, the wings are killing me P


	7. Dreams, Rants and Tutors

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

**A/N: Okay I really can't apologise enough to all of you. It's been another 5 months but I've finally managed to update. The reasons are really all the same; school work, coursework and exams. I do in fact have the most important exams of my life coming up and if I don't pass them then I don't get into University. So basically there is no way I can even write anymore of this let alone update it until the end of June. I'm really sorry this chapter has taken so long but I hope it's worth the wait. Replies to reviews are at the end of the chapter.**

Chapter 7 – Dreams, Rants and Tutors

Smoke engulfed her as she struggled to breathe, the fumes of death smothering and choking her. Panic rose inside of her as she searched blindly for something…for someone. Her vision was blocked and tormented by tall looming black shapes that were bearing down on her. She tried to run, desperate for escape when the ground heaved violently underneath her, hurling her through the air where she landed in a crumpled heap, her head throbbing with pain.

The cause registered slowly with her…there'd been an explosion. What had caused it? She didn't know. Magical or Muggle? She didn't know. Her vision blurred slightly as she raised herself off of the ground, her whole body smarting in protest at the unwanted movement.

The black shapes were in the distance now yet were slowly coming closer, almost floating over the ground. Her eyes were unable to remain on them as they were drawn to a group of people off to her right. They held no interest for her however but the person who stood beyond them did. Male or female? She didn't know. She searched her mind knowing the information was there but excruciatingly out of her reach.

A startled cry was half strangled in her throat as she stumbled backwards, all of the air seemingly stolen from her. Something in her was breaking, being torn away from something or someone. She opened her mouth to call for someone, the person she needed but no sound came out. Why couldn't she remember the name? Why couldn't she recall the person she was being so painfully torn from, who she cared about so desperately?

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she blindly tried to walk forward to…to where? To who? She jumped violently as a hand clamped on to her shoulder like a vice, the fingers biting in as she was spun around. Her eyes widened in horror at the site before her and a small whimper escaped her. She tried to move but was frozen to the ground as the figure came closer, brining with it an inevitable feeling of death. All she could do was scream.

Natasha jerked awake amidst a tangle of sheets with a piercing cry, gazing around in a blind panic. She fought her way out of the bedding and shakily heaved herself up on to the window seat so she could rest her sweat covered forehead on the cool panes of glass. A fine tremor engulfed her being until she was finally able to gain some semblance of control of her feelings. It had been a dream, just a dream. No – a nightmare, but not real all the same.

Yet it had been so vivid…

She shook her head to rid the thought but knew it would be of no use. The figure could still be seen with startling clarity and Tasha knew she'd get no more sleep that night and resigned herself up to the inevitable. If there was one thing she needed it was to talk to someone yet she knew it would have to wait until the next day. Sighing heavily she removed her diary and quill from under her mountain of pillows, preparing to write away the next few hours until dawn

* * *

Natasha sat grumpily in a seat in a secluded corner of The Three Broomsticks. She was practically asleep where she sat and had only slipped out from her sanctuary in order to eat, yet she'd been caught and almost forcefully dragged into Hogsmeade for the day by Lily and Ruby.

On the walk there she'd recounted her nightmare to her friends and they looked visibly shocked, which quickly turned to concern as she started to shiver.

"Oh hey Tash it's okay, it was just a bad dream!" Lily exclaimed as both she and Ruby engulfed her in a hug, yet they quickly pulled away as Tasha started to laugh. She attempted to stifle her giggles though at their looks of confusion.

"Oh Merlin, I'm sorry, I'm not upset I'm just blydi cold!" she giggled again and her friends quickly broke out into smiles. It was almost the second week of October yet the wind had turned bitterly cold catching many of the Hogwarts students unawares, Tasha included.

Now however she was faced with two pairs of eyes, one blue and one green gazing at her intently.

"C'mon Dreamer spill the beans, we know there's something you're not telling us" Ruby said shrewdly and kept her gaze on Tasha until she gave in.

"Okay fine you got me" she grumbled before her face went blank and she regarded her friends seriously. "I'm clinically insane and for the past two weeks I've been pouring out my most heartfelt secrets to a dog that looks suspiciously like the Grim". This was all said in one breathe and she wasn't quite met with the reactions she'd been expecting.

Lily looked at her as if she was indeed clinically insane whereas Ruby had quickly broken down into a fit of laughter and was doubled over on the table. She sat up soon enough gasping for breathe and wiping tears from her eyes.

"You don't half crack me up sometimes Tash, you know that?"

"Err Rube" Lily said tentatively, "I don't think she was joking".

"Don't be daft Lils of course she w…" Ruby trailed off at seeing Tasha's face, an obvious sign that she was telling the utter truth.

"Ah, ok…well a dog eh? They must make good listeners?" Ruby queried with a small smile but was only met with a snort of cynicism.

"Oh you bet and the fact they can't talk has nothing to do with it" Tasha commented dryly.

Lily was about to question Tasha further but was cut off quickly by Ruby's cry of dismay.

"Crikes I'm late! I can't believe I forgot. Look my lovies I've got to go and meet Remus but I'll talk to you later, byeee!"

Then before either had the chance to comment Ruby had left the pub in a flurry of energy that could only belong to her.

"Okay – what just happened here?" Tasha asked blinking in confusion.

"The usual" Lily replied gloomily.

"Huh?" Tasha asked, her intelligence having left her momentarily. Lily sighed slightly in discontent.

"Well she's _always_ going off to meet Remus. I mean I'm happy for her and everything but I just don't see why she's ditching me _all_ of the time. I see her even less than you nowadays", she finished slightly bitterly, flaring at her innocent bottle of butterbeer.

A stab of guilt went through Tasha as she recalled how much she'd been neglecting her friends this term, and she realised with no small amount of disgust that she'd been taking them completely for granted.

"I'm sorry Lils this year's just been reali messed up, and hey maybe Ruby's in love yeah?" she suggested with a giggle.

"Yeah maybe", Lily said, not quiet believing it. "So c'mon tell me all, why's this year messed up?"

"Merlin where do I start?" Tasha half moaned to herself. She then proceeded to explain to Lily everything that had happened before saying; "So to summarise on top of everyone else disliking me, I'm being bullied and stalked by a Marauder, am slowly befriending a Slytherin, having insane nightmares, and oh yeah a dog is now acting as my confidant as I spill out all of my secrets. It's pretty fun wouldn't you say?"

Lily regarded her for a long moment before carefully thinking about what she could say.

"Well I must admit the dog thing is strange but if it helps you offload then go for it. The Snape thing actually might be good, you deserve to have friends even if they are Slytherins, and as for Black… I'm sorry Tash but I think the only thing you can do is wait it out until he gets bored, he's just that sort of person I guess".

Tasha gave her a wan smile before sighing. "Yeah you're right Lils enough about me. How've you been?"

A small groan escaped the red head before she began speaking.

"Well let me see, my best friend has ditched me for a guy, something we both swore never to do, I have insane and crazy amounts of work, I don't get transfiguration and oh yeah I think Potter has asked me out at…erm let me see….63 times so far this school year and it isn't even Halloween!".

Tasha watched in slight amusement as Lily fumed in her seat, sighing heavily through her nose.

"So you've been counting?" she asked lightly before cowering under the glare she received and held up her hands in a placating manner. "Okay, okay just chill Lily bean I can see how that would be bothering you. I mean he bothers you anyway but 63? That is a lot. Unfortunately as the bearer of bad news he is just like Black so I'm giving you back your own advise: ignore him until he gets bored, that's the only way I can see you dealing with this".

A sigh of resignation escaped Lily as she slumped forward.

"Yeah you're right, I mean I've thought amount pranking him, publicly humiliating him and all that but then I remember he's a Marauder and no matter what I do he'll get me back ten times as bad. Stupid git", she added bitterly on to the end wishing for the life of her that he'd just leave her alone.

They both sat in contemplative silence for a while before Tasha spoke up.

"You're rubbish at Transfiguration as well huh? I swear McGonagall is going to kill me soon my works so bad".

"Please Tasha your work can't be worse then mine, I really don't get it, and it doesn't help with _Potter_ standing on the other side of the class room, ruffling his stupid messy hair and thinking he's the best thing going just because he can change a chair in to a canary!" Lily sat back slightly alarmed at her rant but Tasha quickly took over.

"Merlin I know what you mean, him and Black are just there attempting to look all brilliant as they do so blydi well and they don't even try! You know, I think that's the most irritating thing, the fact that they're so blydi smug when they have no right to be". Lily was nodding her head in total agreement and was about to reply before they heard a clearing of a throat.

In unison both Tasha and Lily lifted their heads, only to blush bright red at the sight if James Potter and Sirius Black standing over their table.

"Well…this is awkward" Lily suggested with a nervous giggle. Whatever replies that had been on either James' or Sirius' lips though were cut off as both Tasha and Lily blurted out the same name.

James and Sirius swivelled round to look at their friend.

"Hey Moony mate, how come you got the recognition and we didn't?" James asked in confusion.

"Erm… I don't know?" Remus tried, looking thoroughly confused himself. Tasha was floundering for something to say but became totally unnerved by the fact that Sirius was just staring at her with an inane grin on his face. In face she wasn't even sure if he'd blinked yet. Luckily for her though Lily came to her rescue.

"Oh sorry it's just that we thought he'd be with Ruby…unless she's hiding behind you?" she asked hopefully.

"Ruby? It's funny you should ask that. I was supposed to meet her outside Honeydukes but she never showed up. That's why we're here; we were going to ask if you knew where she was, but obviously not". Remus finished with a gloomy look. "I'll just go wait outside" he added dejectedly, before walking slowly over to the door.

Tasha and Lily exchanged confused looks. If Ruby wasn't with Remus, then where in Merlin's name was she? They were however unable to verbalise this thought because of two certain individuals that were hovering beside them.

The silence stretched for quite a while. James was staring at Lily with what seemed like adoration etched on his face, Sirius was staring at Tasha with a grin that could only be described as strange on his, mean while Tasha was shooting Lily a look speaking of discomfort, and Lily was concentrating on not losing her temper. Her resolve however finally broke when James moved to sit next to her.

"Argh Potter! Can't you please just leave me alone! I was having a private conversation with my friend until you butted in. You have to be one of the most irritating people I've met and Sirius stop staring at Natasha!" she almost shrieked. At this point the entire pub was looking at them but Lily just huffed angrily.

"C'mon Tasha we're leaving" she half snarled before yanking Tasha from her seat with a yelp and opened the door so hard it slammed shut behind them.

Lily continued to storm off down the street half dragging her blue haired friend behind her.

"Ouch, Lils you fancy letting me go? Owww hey that hurt! Lily!" Tasha yelled at the end finally brining her fiery friend to a halt.

"Look Tash I'm sorry okay but she's been lying to us, she's been lying to me! What sort of friend does that? Okay I'm just fed up that she's been ditching me and not giving me a reason. I don't appreciate being left alone by my friends and that includes you as well Natasha. I don't care if the idiots that go to this school dislike you, you are my friend and you shouldn't have to hide away. In fact from now on I won't let you! You will move back in to the dorms and sure you can have your alone time, but you're a Gryffindor and you will use the common room, you understand me?"

Tasha stared at Lily in shock. She knew her friend had a temper but she'd never seen her like this before.

"You've been bottling this up for a while then I'm guessing?" she asked lightly.

"Tasha!" Lils snapped before grinning sheepishly. "Well yeah I guess I have but seriously Tash will you try to spend more time in the Gryffindor tower? For me?"

They both regarded each other seriously for a long while before Tasha released a breath of air causing her hair to flutter.

"Yeah ok I'll try but not every night…I don't think I could hack that but I promise you Lily I will definitely try".

"Yay!" Lily shrieked before engulfing Tasha into a huge hug. "But for now, let's go and find Ruby". And with that they both set off into Hogsmeade again, wondering where exactly their friend had got to, and why she'd felt the need to lie to them in the first place.

* * *

After another fruitless hour of traipsing around the village and slowly but surely losing the feelings in both their feet and fingers which forced Lily to use the heating charm, "I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner", was her muttered comment, they both finally made it to the grand stairs and the large wooden door entrance of Hogwarts.

"Ah there the two of you are" a crisp and sharp voice called causing them both to jump and look up guiltily, despite the fact that neither of them had done anything wrong. Stood before them was Professor McGonagall looking as strict as ever, with her hair scraped back into a bun. "If you would both follow me", was her only comment as she turned sharply and swept down the corridor, her robes trailing behind her and leaving no room for argument.

Tasha and Lily exchanged nervous looks before following, wondering what their Head of House had in store for them. After a short while, and one run in with Peeves, they reached the Transfiguration classroom, where McGonagall took her seat and they both went to stand in front of her desk. They were observed through stern eyes, making them shift uncomfortably.

"Tell me ladies; I am at a complete loss as to understand how two such clever witches as yourselves are failing so miserably at my subject. And yes Miss Evans I do mean failing". She'd noticed Lily flinch at the word. "Now I know that usually Professors would give you some time to work harder and put in more effort but I'm sure the both of you are doing that already, so I have taken the steps needed and allocated you both tutors".

"Tutors?" Lily gasped in dismay. "But surely there's something else we can do?" she queried.

"I'm afraid not Miss Evans. Your tutoring sessions will be held every Wednesday night in the library from seven until eight pm sharp do you understand?"

Both girls nodded a yes although Tasha had a very bad feeling about the situation. If she remembered correctly the two best Transfiguration students in the year were…

Her head shot up and she looked at the Professor in horror.

"Please Professor, you can't have made _them _tutors surely!" she asked aghast at the thought. McGonagall released a small sigh.

"I can understand your concern Miss Regan but they have both assured me that they will be on their best behaviour. Black! Potter!" she called and Lily let out a small groan as they appeared from seemingly nowhere. As Tasha looked in to the face of a smirking Sirius Black she realised the impossible had become possible. Her school year had just become even worse.

**The great and masterful Yoda:** Thank you so much for the review. Yeah being an animagus would be cool. And school? Argh! Stressing out big style right there with ya.

**GoldenWolf88:** Yay thanks for reviewing! and well I guess you'll have to wait and see if Sirius changes…it might not be as easy for him as you think.

**Umi Frostfurr:** Thanks for the review! Sorry again about the wait I just hope it's worth it.

**Blinded One:** thanks for the review! I hope you enjoy the chapter

**Pai EmberWolf:** thanks for the review, hehe well yes I think Tasha would have been scared if human Sirius had liked her. I hope you enjoy this chapter

**Luna:** Thanks for the review! I hope you enjoy the chapter


	8. A Thoughtful Halloween

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

**A/N:** It's been well over a year. Unforgivable I know. But hey here's another chapter. Review it if you like, and thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long.

Chapter 8 – A Thoughtful Halloween

This was a highly unusual situation. A feeling was creeping along his back that made him highly uncomfortable; there was a fluttering in his stomach that if he could somehow mentally communicate with James, his best friend would have informed him that it was nerves. But to Sirius that thought didn't even cross his mind. He was Sirius Black, he didn't get nervous and he mentally repeated to himself; this is a highly unusual situation.

A high pitched noise rang in his ears and he shook his head slightly to try and sort out the words from the blubbering shrieking and a grimace crossed his face. Breaking up with a girl, he decided, was much more trouble then it was worth. It was then made infinitely worse by the red faced blonde otherwise known as Cassie then flinging herself at him and holding on with a death grip he was sure that even if his three best friends all worked at it, they wouldn't be able to prise her off him. Not that they would help. Glancing over to the Marauder corner in the Gryffindor common room Sirius couldn't help the glare that spread over his face. James, Remus and Peter could be seen collapsing into a heap of hysterical laughter as Sirius awkwardly patted Cassie on the back. No, he would definitely not be getting any help from them.

She blubbered at him for a further five minutes and then Sirius started to get annoyed, even angry. Sure he was breaking up with her, but honestly, how could she not have seen it coming? She'd been flirting with every other guy when she'd thought he wasn't looking, purposefully playing with her blond hair and wearing very form fitting clothes, showing off her figure to an excellent advantage. The boys of Hogwarts couldn't quite contain themselves. Sirius knew that he wasn't always nice to her, but however he'd behaved he knew he deserved better. She was quite clearly in for it for the popularity of dating one of the famed Marauders, and while Sirius loved the attention he didn't want a relationship. From now on, he thought, I'm just going to have fun. First things first though, he had to try and get that through to her.

He waited for a few moments for there to be a break in her screeching, but to his bewilderment, she seemed perfectly capable of keeping up a never ending stream of babble, all the while making sure her fake tears were still streaming down her face. There was only one thing for it.

"Cassie! SHUT UP!!"

The startled look on her face almost made him laugh.

"I don't think you heard me before so I'll repeat myself just the once. It's over", he ground out, "So you can let go of me now", he forcibly removed her hands from his robes. "Oh and don't look so shocked, do you really think I hadn't noticed you getting off with every Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff ass that threw himself at you? Stay away from me Cassie, go run to them for sympathy, I've had enough of you".

He kept his face calm as he glanced at the audience he'd attracted in the common room, but as they caught his gaze they all quickly looked away, keen to pretend that they hadn't been avid viewers of such a big scene. Without another word, he left a shell-shocked and still crying Cassie in the middle of the common room and traipsed his way up to the boys' dormitories with a much lighter heart.

It wasn't long though until he was joined by a very unhappy looking James.

"Padfoot!" James bellowed. "Don't you _ever_ do that again! Do you realise that Remus and Peter are still trying to get her to stop crying? We aren't here to do your dirty work for you, you know!"

Sirius watched in slight amusement as James huffed dejectedly before continuing.

"Besides I was supposed to be meeting with Eluned later, but I doubt that'll happen now thanks to you".

Sirius gave a small bark of laughter, ignoring the hair that fell into his eyes.

"And now the truth comes out" he grinned, "What's it to do with me whether Eluned sees you or not anyway?" he asked slightly confused. James gave him a look.

"You really are stupid sometimes, you know that?" he asked, then quickly continued, ignoring Sirius' spluttered protests. "Look Eluned is Cassie's best friend, I'm your best friend, ergo out of loyalty to Cassie and a new found hatred of you, she will refuse to meet up with me", James finished, feeling like he'd rounded up nicely. Sirius blinked slowly.

"You know what Prongs if you're right, which I don't think you are, girls are not only incredibly confusing but also incredibly stupid".

"I am right and yes they are stupid, I mean take Evans for example. I asked her out again today and she ever so politely chucked a bottle of ink over me! I mean why'd she do that? I'm a decent bloke aren't I?" James asked feeling slightly unsure of himself, yet couldn't help the pompous tone that crept into his voice.

"Course you're a decent bloke mate! Most girls would kill to be in Evans' position. If you ask me she's not quite all there in the head Prongsie boy".

"Of course she is Sirius! She's the most clever, witty, beautiful, feisty…" James trailed off mid sentence, a vacant expression having settled upon his face. Sirius shook his head in despair.

"You're hopeless, you know that right?" he asked but failed to get a response. "Oi James mate…James…JAMES!" Sirius yelled, finally getting a response from the bespectacled boy.

"Huh? Did you say something?" he asked dozily running a hand through his unruly hair, ignoring Sirius' growl of annoyance.

"Look far be it for me to lecture you about girls Prongs, but if you like Evans so much, why in Merlin's beard are you meeting up with Eluned?"

"Those are my thoughts exactly" said a dry voice and Sirius and James turned to see Remus leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, and also the tell tale sign on his face that warned Sirius that a lecture was coming his way soon. Luckily for him though, James had already started on his explanation.

"Well you see it's like this. I like Evans right? But she's not interested in me as much as I hate to admit it. So I thought why deprive the female population of my company whilst pining over one girl however wonderful. Then when I'm delighting the female population, I can show Evans what she's missing at the same time. So basically it's a win-win situation".

His statement was met with momentary silence.

"Wow Prongs…you may actually have a point" Sirius said thoughtfully, mulling it over in his mind.

"A point?" came the spluttered exclamation from Remus. "How can you call that a point?! Of all the ridiculous, egotistical things I've ever heard! James do you truly believe that?" he asked in complete disbelief.

"Well…yes. What's wrong with that?" James asked in confusion.

"What's right with it?" Remus questioned back. "Look James I love you like a brother but you can't treat girls like that! If you like Evans and want her to go out with you then you've got to prove to her that you mean it. Going out with a different girl every week is only going to support her feelings in that you're an egotistical prat who only uses girls, and from what you've just said it's clear she's right. I just hope she doesn't say yes to you, because right now you don't deserve her". Remus took a deep breathe and ignoring James' flabbergasted face he turned to Sirius' stunned face.

"There's no point in looking so shocked Sirius when you're just as bad! How dare you leave a girl crying and us to clean up _your_ mess? If you find it that hard to break up with girls then maybe you shouldn't go out with them in the first place! Oh and if you find that you can't cope without a girl then I suggest you find a girl you wont want to break up with. I suggest Natasha Regan seeing as you seem to have a complete obsession with the poor girl", he all but snarled, and then with one final glare and a huff he stormed out of the boys dormitory.

For a while Sirius and James just sat there looking at each other in shock. It was all Sirius could do to offer a shaky smile.

"I guess Remus has been holding that in for a while huh?" he suggested quietly.

"Yeah…seems that way, and the thing is he might have a point" James muttered half to himself.

"Well possibly, but then Remus hasn't had all that much experience with girls though. I mean look at this situation with Ruby…"Sirius trailed off with an expression of dawning understanding.

"Ruby!" the two boys exclaimed at the same time.

"Of course how did we miss that?" James said, "He's obviously upset about that so today he just had to vent feelings that usually wouldn't bother him" he finished with a look of a person who had just made an amazing discovery.

"Yeah that's definitely it" Sirius agreed whole heartedly, yet a short awkward silence followed in which it was clear that both of them were having an internal struggle with their conscience, and fighting to keep the guilt at bay.

"But we're teenage boys right? We're allowed to have fun…"James trailed off half muttering to himself, but Sirius heard him anyway.

"Yeah of course we are! We're just being typical teenage guys".

The statement was meant to come out as a definite truth, yet somehow it held a strange note to it, sounding more like Sirius was trying to reassure himself and his best friend.

* * *

The Great Hall was a picture of shadows. The candles were void of life, no longer casting their little flickers of joy to bring warmth to the room. The tables were like large looming dark images, each lined up as though waiting for battle. The stone floor was emanating a cold that was spreading throughout the whole room, seeming to fit in with the clear star lit sky that could be seen through the enchanted ceiling. 

Decorations could be seen hanging limp and dark along the walls, almost as though they were memories of a forgotten time, of a happier time that was no longer open to those still around. Large pumpkins floated eerily though the air, casting looming shadows on the floor from the moonlight that filtered in through the tall windows, filled with hundreds of twinkling window panes.

It was the eve of Halloween, all the preparations had been made and set ready for the following day of festivities, yet the lack of life in them was bothersome to a certain four people…people who were determined to amend what they saw as a crime against festive joy.

A gleaming smile could be seen shining through the darkness.

"Sirius have you been using that witch-weekly teeth brightening cream again?"

"What?! No!! Peter I am shocked and appalled that you could ask such a thing!"

"Yeah Pete, we all know its wise-wizards all purpose teeth 'if you shine bright you'll get ladies at night' lotion".

Bursts of muffled laughter could be heard echoing throughout the room as Sirius huffed in indignation.

"Well its working isn't it? The ladies love me!" he proclaimed, doing his best to ignore Remus' quiet snort of disdain.

"Look guys we've got a lot to do for tomorrow – you ready to make this the best Halloween Hogwarts is ever going to see?" the sandy haired boy asked, trying to cover up the slight awkward silence that had followed Sirius' statement. Things had still been quite tense since Remus' outburst two weeks before.

"But of course we are Moony, let's show Hogwarts what _real_ magic is all about" James was grinning from ear to ear and he let out a slightly mischievous chuckle. The school wasn't going to know what had hit it.

* * *

For some utterly bizarre reason that no one had ever been able to fully discover, students at Hogwarts always went slightly crazy at Halloween. It was a special day for them, one of the few times the school celebrated as a whole. In the times of growing danger it was all the more important for the school to unite and celebrate, if only to ease the increasing feeling of fear that was spreading throughout the magical world. 

The fear was all down to one person – Lord Voldemort. He was a dark wizard who'd seemingly come from nowhere. He'd travelled up and down the country, expressing his views on the importance of keeping magical blood pure, being anti-muggle, and the scary thing was that he was gaining followers. Over the past 10 years he'd gained a huge following and now the terror was truly beginning. It had gone beyond mere words and accidental deaths into all out chaos. Every week there were more deaths reported, with Lord Voldemort's followers adopting the name 'Death Eaters' and they left their mark outside the places they attacked. It was a symbol all families feared.

With all this happening in the world, Hogwarts was like a small haven for the students. It was where they could be safe, and try and hide from the world yet they couldn't hide completely. Sirius knew that all too well from his many run-ins with Bellatrix and his other relatives. The poison was spreading, and every one was suspicious of each other. Who was on what side? What _was_ the right side?

It took a holiday like Halloween to help everyone forget the troubles of the world, to let their hair down and to have a good time. And everyone went wild for it.

Sirius had been having a brilliant day. He'd been on a sugar high since the morning and he revelled in the atmosphere that was spreading throughout the school. Even the Hufflepuff's had joined in, throwing pretend bats at each other, planting fake and sometimes _real_ spiders in each others food. Pranks were at an all time high and Sirius was eagerly awaiting the evening feast, when the Marauders' plans would be put into action.

All of the students piled into the Great Hall, each one of them eagerly awaiting the mounds of food that the house elves had prepared, not least Sirius. He all but dived for a seat and began piling his plate; he wanted to eat as much as he could before the fun started.

"Hey slow down there Sirius, you're going to choke yourself!" Frank Longbottom, their other dorm mate was looking at him with concern. Sirius merely grinned at him with stuffed cheeks, indicating to the rest of the Marauders who were all stuffing their faces.

"Gosh you guys hungry much?" Frank shook his head before turning to talk to Jason Adams, a boy in the year above.

The Hall was full of the rumblings of chatter and the clink of cutlery and outbreaks of laughter as the feast was celebrated to the full. The Marauders had slowed down with their eating now, and they all exchanged excited glances as the beginning of their mayhem started to take hold.

A small girl from Ravenclaw started to shriek slightly as she pointed at the giant pumpkin above her head. It started to spin violently and it bulged and contracted as something seemed to writhe within it. Soon enough all the pumpkins started to do this and the student looked at them with fear.

"Watch out they're going to explode!!" A Hufflepuff boy bellowed and sure enough with a spurt of pumpkin seeds and juice the pumpkins self destructed, releasing a swarm of bats and magical creatures that swarmed throughout the whole hall. The result was utter chaos.

Girls shrieked as they desperately tried to hide under the tables and the boys tried to manfully beat the creatures off. The fear soon turned into laughter though, as when every creature was struck it turned into a sweet, and soon enough, everyone was racing round the hall, trying to grab as many as they could. With everyone distracted the Marauders put the final part of their plan into place. A huge explosion came from near the ceiling and sparks of light shot everywhere before a message could be clearly seen in a shimmering red haze.

_Happy Halloween! brought to you by MWPP!!_

The whole of the hall burst into rapturous applause full of heated discussions as to who MWPP _were_ exactly. Many cast suspicious glances at the Marauders but they were careful to look as shocked and excited as everyone else. Sirius felt he pulled this off rather well by having a heated battle with a fellow Gryffindor for the last few sweets in order to grab the last of the sugar quills. He stood up and shook his dishevelled hair out of his face, looking for one person in particular.

Natasha Regan.

He saw her and a funny feeling flittered into her stomach. She was actually smiling, with a chocolate frog in hand. It was the first time he'd seen her smile. He remembered telling himself that he'd leave her alone once he'd seen it, but he now found that he didn't want to. Over the past few weeks she'd unconsciously pored out a lot of her secrets to him when he'd been in dog form and for some inexplicable reason he felt the need to keep himself a part of her life, whether it was by playing pranks or not. Today proved it, he thought, I've pulled off a prank and made her smile, it was all worth it.

The professor's had gradually reclaimed control over the feast and as it drew to an end the students began to flock out into the corridors to make their way back to their common rooms for the sugar induced festivities to continue. Sirius however, had another thing entirely in his mind, and quickly made his excuses to his friends.

"Hey guys I'm off to find Andrea, she…erm…said she had something to show me" he grinned at them.

James and Peter laughed loudly and clapped him on the back, telling him not to take too long because they had a party planned. Remus merely rolled his eyes resignedly before murmuring

"I'm sure it'll be an absolute eye opener"

Sirius laughed at his friend, knowing that for now Remus had decided to let is point about their treatment of girls go, and he roughly caught his friend up in a one armed hug.

"I hope you're right Moony, I really do".

With that Sirius made his way through the crowds until he came to a quiet corridor and paused to find his bearings. A part of him knew that what he'd been doing was wrong – very wrong. But he couldn't help it. His summer had been so depressing and horrible, and his cousins were threatening him at school, that what had first started as a harmless test on one girl and turned into one giant distraction technique that he couldn't help but submerge himself into. It hadn't helped that he was finding out so much more about her then she'd probably ever want him to know. So he had taken to following her, just so he could find out where it was she did disappear to.

He'd discovered the password for whatever room it was she'd disappeared to over a week ago, but he'd refrained from using it knowing that she must have a good reason for why she chose to hide away. But seeing her smile like that, knowing that she was normal, was strong enough to deal with…deal with what? Sirius wasn't sure himself why it was he had to go to this room, to see her, he just knew at that moment it was what he had to do.

His long loping strides took him on a quick, smooth trip through the maze of corridors until he found himself outside a portrait he'd snarled at on more then one occasion. Lord Pinsomscot stared blearily out at him.

"'Sthere anything I can do for you?" was the slightly slurred question put to him.

"Cariad"

With that one word, all seeming drunkenness flew from Lord Pinsomscot's eyes, and he stood taller in his picture frame. A shrewd, calculating gaze spread across his face and after a long moment he gave Sirius a short nod. The portrait swung open and taking a deep breath Sirius stepped through it and into a room that emitted an aura of so much peace it almost took his breath away. Shaking the feeling from him, he looked intently at the one person he'd come to see. Her back was to him, staring out at the lake from the tall rain spattered window. She seemed calm, at peace, and there was no longer the tense set to her shoulders that he'd noticed she always seemed to have. With two words Sirius broke that peace.

"Hello bluebottle".


	9. Truth and Lies

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

**A/N:** Again I apologise for so long a wait for another chapter but here it is! I've just finished my dissertation and only have one essay left of my degree (a scary thought!) so I should fingers crossed have more time to write. I am feeling very inspired at the moment! Thanks to those who reviewed last chapter and I hope you enjoy this one! xx OH! also a tinsy bit of bad language in this, so if you find it offensive, please don't read.

Chapter 9

There was absolutely no way this could be happening to her. For four years this had been her haven, her special place, her home; and now it was crashing down around her.

She stood, gaping at the boy who had been for the past couple of months making her life a living hell. He was just standing there, a strangely closed look on his face, yet she could see he was waging a war on the inside.

"What are you doing here?"

She started slightly; the sound of her own voice was foreign to her. She had expected to sound quiet and frightened, and the angry tone that came from her was not one she had ever used before.

His face hardened immediately. He seemed to have settled the battle in his head.

"I can go wherever I want bluebottle", he practically spat the name at her. "Don't you understand that?"

Natasha's breathing quickened as she struggled to control her emotions.

"How did you find out the password?"

"Let's just say that maybe I overheard it".

"So you have been following me!" Her blue eyes blazed in indignation. "What right do you have?"

"Oh so you do have feelings! I was beginning to wonder. You never react to anything".

"What do you mean 'I never react' I-" she cut off quickly as understanding swept over her, and her eyes filled with disbelief and hurt.

"You mean all those pranks, those tricks…the bullying!" she forced the word out, "was all for a reaction?"

"Oh you bet", he grinned back at her maliciously. "You want me to stop?"

"Yes!"

His silver eyes gleamed in response.

"Do my potions homework for me".

Natasha was momentarily stunned.

"What? Don't be ridiculous! I can't even manage my own workload. I'm being tutored for Merlin's sake. You know that!"

"Of course I do, James never lets me forget", a hint of bitterness was creeping into his voice much to Natasha's confusion.

"How come you're nice to him? And to Lily and Ruby but not me? You sit there petrified in the common room, yet you're still nice to everyone, you can look at them but not me. Why not? It's pathetic!

Natasha gaped at him as he carried on his rant.

"James says how nice you are in tutoring, that you're really helping him with Lily, that you're decent. He says I should leave you alone but I can't I-" he cut himself off short.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Her voice was a whisper now and she looked at him in fear. He was glaring at her with such anger that she stumbled backwards until she hit her desk; anything to put distance between them. Sirius wasn't having any of it though. He walked closer until he towered over her, pinning her in. He leant in closer until his long hair started to tickle the side of her face.

"You'll do the work?"

"And you'll leave me alone?"

Sirius took a while in answering.

"Yes"

"Okay"

The look that filled his eyes at her answer was one of pure disgust.

"You are such a disappointment".

He stepped back from her before quickly leaving the room in a crushing silence. It definitely didn't feel peaceful in there now.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of misery for Natasha. To her complete obliviousness, she failed to notice the change in people's opinion of her. They'd stopped the pestering, and seemed to handle her with the quiet acceptance that she had long dreamed of, yet now couldn't even notice.

Lily was greatly puzzled by this sudden shift. She knew it couldn't be just because Tasha had started to use the common room. Rounding the corner to the library she was stuck with a thought that caused a grim smile of satisfaction to cross her face. Squaring her shoulders she entered the library and her pending tutoring session with new determination.

She walked between the bookshelves and tables before catching sight of the lounging figure of her tutor, Sirius Black. There was a something different in him recently Lily had noticed and she was convinced that she had finally figured out what. Gone was the relaxed reclining pose he usually had when sitting. His legs were still sprawled out in front of him but his shoulders had a rigid set to them and his jaw was clenched almost painfully. Following his surely gaze Lily was not at all surprised to see a shock of bright blue hair. Natasha was being tutored by James and it seemed Sirius wasn't happy about it at all.

"Black, she's not going to disappear you know"

Lily had the distinct satisfaction of seeing a Marauder fall out of his chair in shock.

"I don't know who you're talking about", the mumbled response did nothing to help his cause and Lily had to stifle a laugh.

"I think it's really nice what you're doing for her, by the way".

Sirius shifted nervously in his seat and was unable to meet Lily's green eyed gaze.

"Trust me; I've not done anything nice".

"Of course you have. She might not have noticed but I have. People have stopped picking on her. You trying to tell me that's nothing to do with you?"

Lily had a smile on her face but it slipped off slowly when Sirius made no attempt to reply and stared fixedly at his hands. There were a few moments of awkward silence until he seemed to shake himself back to the present time.

"Let's just get on with the tutoring shall we".

The next hour was one of the quietest Lily had ever shared with Sirius Black and she didn't quite know what to make of it. After her tutoring had finished she hurried to catch up with Natasha. Ignoring James' attempt to greet her with a winning smile, she dragged her friend away to try and get some much needed answers.

After practically having her arm yanked out after being tugged down a number of corridors, Natasha finally managed to pull Lily to a stop.

"Mind telling me what your problem is?"

"Sirius Black". Lily had a highly disgruntled look on her face and Natasha bit back a snort of laughter.

"Finally you see what I've been telling you! He's a menace, a prat and a great big fat bully. What took you so long to see my way of thinking?"

"I don't think he's any of those things". Lily rushed on quickly to prevent Natasha's exclamation of disbelief. "I know he's arrogant and an idiot but Tash he's been nice to you! Please don't look at me like that because he has. Why do you think people have suddenly stopped picking on you?"

Natasha stood quietly trying to take in what Lily had said. How could her own best friend not notice how horrible Sirius was being to her? It had to be a coincidence that people were no longer picking on her. Natasha had been at the receiving end of Sirius' 'prank's' too many times to even consider believing that this change was down to him. She shook her head slowly.

"I'm sorry Lily I just can't believe that. If you knew what he was really like…"

"Why what else has he done? Please Tasha tell me, you can't keep things like this from me". The frustration was evident in Lily's voice and Natasha had no greater wish than to tell her friend everything, but she knew how useless that would prove to be.

"I'd love to tell you Lily, believe me I would but it would just make things worse. I'm working on something though, don't you worry about me". Natasha tried to smile convincingly at her but she wasn't sure Lily bought it. With a resigned sight Lily turned and started on her way back to the common room. Natasha watched her walk off with guilt starting to well up inside of her. She knew she should be a better friend to Lily, especially now that Ruby seemed to be AWOL all of the time now, but she knew, she just knew Sirius would get her back if she told.

Natasha wearily made her way back to her haven, ready to collapse on her bed after a long day. She'd managed to make a huge dent in her own obscene amount of homework, as well as making a lot of progress with Severus on their project which was due in three weeks. All that was left now was to do Sirius' work. She scowled at the thought. He'd thoughtfully not asked her to do the project, she just had to do the countless other potions essay's they'd been set. It wasn't that she found it hard, but she had to make sure they sounded different from her own, and with the limited time she had to do it in, she was struggling.

"Maybe I could have a little nap first…" Natasha was half mumbling to herself, and half to Lord Pinsomscot who absentmindedly opened the portrait door for her. Stumbling across the smooth wooden floor, she made to flop onto her bed. It was only in mid-flop that she realised there was someone on her bed but it was too late to stop. With a shriek of dismay she collided with someone she didn't want to be anywhere near to.

What followed was a tangle of limbs, pillows and bed sheets, the result of which had two figures sprawled on the floor, on of which was blushing crimson and trying to hide behind a flash of blue hair.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Do you start every conversation that way?" Sirius shot her an infuriating smirk. "I just wanted some quiet time, which I was getting until you decided to jump on me".

"I did no such thing; now get out of my room". Natasha was still too embarrassed to look at Sirius, but the hard tone to her voice was unmistakable. The girl was not happy.

"Who says it's your room? It's not a dorm, it's here for whoever finds it. And I found it, so I can use it".

Natasha gaped in disbelief and indignation.

"You didn't find it, you followed me!" Her eyes narrowed in thought as she tried to think of anything to get him out of the room. "Do your friends know you're doing this? I know James would stop you if he knew".

A sneer curled up the corner of Sirius' mouth.

"Oh that's right, you'll go running to others for help against the big bad Sirius. Merlin, grow a back bone".

Natasha bit her lip and struggled to think of what to do next. Her people skills had never been the best as her continuing struggling friendship with Severus was showing. It was only a couple of days ago that they'd had a massive argument because she'd been too blunt and ended up insulting him in a way he found insufferable. She shifted uncomfortably as Sirius' grey eyes continued to bore into the side of her head.

"Look", she began and cursed inwardly as her voice shook slightly, "I'm doing your work for you, what more do you want from me?"

"You figure it out".

Sirius picked himself off the floor before moodily sitting himself on the window seat. For the rest of the evening he didn't move and Natasha had to content herself with struggling through her own, and Sirius', work whilst trying to ignore his presence. Without meaning to she fell asleep at her desk and when she awoke in the morning with the stiffest neck imaginable, he'd gone.

The next couple of weeks passed in a cloud of confusion for Natasha. Nearly every day at some point Sirius would invade her room for hours at a time. For the first few days Natasha had started to avoid the place before her stubbornness kicked in. It was her room, her haven; how dare he try and take it from her!

During the hours that Sirius was in the room, Natasha did her best to talk to him as little as possible although he didn't make it easy. She'd known by reputation that he could be hyper active but having to deal with it first hand was a different situation entirely. At her whit's end in how to deal with him, she decided to make subtle enquiries as to what his excuses were to his friends for his long periods of absence. Her next tutoring session with James was the ideal opportunity.

"Say, James", Natasha began slowly, trying to make a show of knowing what she was doing as she flicked her wand in random circles, "has Sirius been spending much time with you and your friends recently?"

James shot her a curious look as he adjusted her hand so she could transfigure the teapot in front of her correctly.

"Not especially…why do you ask?"

Natasha coloured slightly but she struggled on, determined to get some sort of answer.

"Oh it was just something Lily may have mentioned". Natasha laughed inwardly at the effect that name had on him.

"Lily? She's noticed us? What has she said?" The excitement that shone in his eyes was almost pitiable, and Natasha didn't have the heart to lie to him.

"It's not that she mentioned much, just that the common room had been quieter than usual without Sirius", she smiled apologetically at him as he slumped in dejection.

"Does she ever mention me Tash? In a good way?" he carried on hurriedly. Natasha took a few moments to take in what James had called her and she tried to hide a small smile as she felt a bubble of warmth spread through her at the friendly shortening of her name. It sounded stupid but little things like that really could change her day.

"To be honest James…no she doesn't, but well at least she's noticing you, even if not in a good way".

"Yeah, I guess" he said glumly before his face hardened slightly and he shot her an attempt of a careless smile. "And Sirius is working on top secret Marauder business I'll have you know, soon no where in the Hogwarts will be hidden from us!" His face split in to a proper grin this time and Natasha had to hide a disgruntled expression. So he was lying to them, and stealing her secrets.

It had been a few days ago and she'd finally had a bit of time to look up what Lord Pinsomscot had slurred at her about the 3rd floor, the hump-backed witch and saying '_Dissendium_'. She'd reached the very end of the corridor before she realised someone else was there with her and surprise surprise it happened to be Sirius. She still didn't know how he'd managed to sneak up behind her. It completely ruined the discovery that the hidden passageway let to Hogsmead; all she could think was to get away from him.

"He's stupid".

"What was that?"

The question from James brought her back out of her thoughts and a blush was quick to cover her face.

"Um, I just…I just don't like him. Look hey I'm gonna go, I-I've got other stuff to do".

Natasha sped off before James could get a word out, leaving behind a very bemused boy as she careered off the side of her table on her hurry to get away. She rushed along the thick carpeted hallway before abruptly turning into a cold stone floored one. It never ceased to amaze her how different one corridor was from the next in Hogwarts; it was such a complex building she doubted even the Marauders were ever going to find out everything about it. In fact she was determined not to let that happen. Sirius might know about her room but the others definitely weren't going to.

She bit out a "cariad" at Lord Pinsomscot before storming into her room. She wasn't left waiting long. Sirius sauntered in with his usual cocky grin but his usual arrogance faltered slightly as he took in the sight of Natasha's angry face.

"Problem?" Sirius raised his eyebrows in bemusement as his lips twitched in amusement.

"No not really. Just realised I've been dealing with a liar that's all".

"What the hell do you mean?" A wary look crept its way onto his face.

"Here was me thinking you Marauders were the most honest group around. You'd never lie to each other would you?" she was fully out glaring at him now.

"I don't know what you're talking about". Sirius was no longer meeting her gaze.

"Your _best friend_ thinks you're creating some sort of amazing Marauder…thing, I don't know what, when all you've been doing is terrorizing me! You know what you're doing is wrong but you're just too much of a coward to face up to it yourself!"

Sirius' mouth set itself in a grim line and he squared his shoulders before facing her head on.

"I'm not lying, I am doing a Marauder…_thing_", he sneered the word, "As you so eloquently put it".

"Oh please if you're making yourself believe that then you're even more pathetic than what you think I am".

Natasha turned her back on him before stalking over to the window.

"I always knew that one of you lied, but I guess it looks like you all do".

"What exactly do you mean by that?" There was a note of alarm in his voice.

"You know you can see a lot from this window; the lake, the quidditch pitch…the whomping willow". She turned back and looked him square in the face. "And Remus".

Something flared up into Sirius' eyes that shook Natasha's confidence and she wondered if perhaps she'd gone a step too far.

"What the hell do you know about Remus?" he practically snarled at her as he stalked forward and grabbed her by the arm tightly. She tried to pull her arm free but it was useless.

"Like I said I see a lot. He's a Werewolf okay, I know. I see Madam Pomfrey take him to the whomping willow every month. I'm not stupid".

"You say anything about this to anyone and I'll-"

"You'll what?" Natasha cut him off. "Invade my privacy, bully me and make me your homework slave? Sorry to break it to you but you've already done that". She didn't know where this new found confidence had come from but she was going to hold on to it for as long as she could. "Now get the hell out of here and don't think of coming back or I swear to you, I will tell".

Sirius gaped at her in disbelief before shutting his mouth and clenching his jaw tightly.

"You bitch".

With that he let go of her arm and stormed from the room. As soon as she was alone Natasha sank down to her knees and bit back a sob, but they quickly overcame her. Groping blindly for a pillow to hold onto she cried to herself. Her moment of bravery was gone, replaced by her usual weakness…and there was no one there to comfort her.


	10. Aftermath Moodiness

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but Natasha and Ruby, everything else belongs to J K Rowling. Fact.

**A/N:** WARNING! Well okay not really a warning but it would seriously help if you re-read the last chapter before this, otherwise it might not make perfect sense, most specifically the end of chapter 9. I am truly, TRULY, sorry it has taken me so long to update. I don't know why but this story always seems to stump me, no matter how much I love it. Any reviews or constructive criticism is highly welcome, and thank you so much to **ifyoujump** who reviewed the last chapter. My apologies again it's taken me so long to update. But without anymore babble from me, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!!(and please review!)

Chapter 10

He could almost see her now and feel her, she was so tantalisingly close yet just out of his reach he almost growled with the frustration of it all. He was wrapped in a cotton soft world of blue skies and he floated along on the breeze, and never alone. She was always there with him, hovering just out of sight yet so calming he never wanted to leave this place. He felt a slight tugging at his mind, and the blue started to seep away no matter how hard he tried to hold on. He couldn't leave her, not when he felt what she felt.

"She loves me". He half mumbled it to himself, still trying desperately to sink back into that place he felt so calm in.

"Oooo Sirius was having one of _those_ dreams".

Now that voice wasn't meant to be there. Sirius blinked slowly as he sat up and looked around to see his three closest friends looking down on him with evident amusement.

"So tell us Sirius, who does love you?" James had a smirk spread across his face.

"Umm, no one…just a dream. Why'd you wake me?" Sirius shot them all a half hearted glare.

"Because you seem to love sleep far too much recently and it's not natural", Remus summarised. "You're usually the first up and disturbing us all with your disgusting screeching from the bathroom".

"Disgusting screeching?" Sirius sounded mortally offended. "I can sing perfectly well thank you". His wounded pride took a further beating at the laughter that greeted the last statement.

"C'mon mate get your lazy arse up, we want to see how much you've done for our next Marauder project!" James grinned cheerfully before making his way, followed my Remus and Peter, down to the common room.

Sirius flopped back down onto his pillows with a dejected sight. He'd been working on the project alright. Pages and pages had been drawn up of the layout of Hogwarts. All that time he spent in Natasha's room wasn't wasted, and a quick snoop through her notebook proved priceless. Over the past four years Lord Pinsomscot had dropped hundreds of little Hogwarts secrets to her that he felt no guilt in stealing. The Marauders had known most of them anyway.

That girl never ceased to confuse him. She was clearly fairly clever, had friends, she even seemed relatively _normal_ yet she'd convinced herself that everyone hated her. She was so average it would be impossible to hate her, all that was unusual was her hair, but in a school like Hogwarts even that didn't stand out too much. He shook his head slightly. "That girl is delusional" he mumbled to himself, giving a half hearted stretch before dragging himself out of bed. The sooner he got the day over and done with, the quicker he could fall asleep and dream again.

The day past in a bit of a blur for Sirius, a mix of lessons and laughing with his friends and it was evening before he knew it. He took the opportunity, whilst Remus and Peter were consoling James due to another rejection from Lily, to slip away and visit Natasha's hide out. Ten minutes later he really wished he hadn't. He stood, almost snarling to himself in anger outside the portrait of Lord Pinsomscot, battling with himself so stop himself going back in and…and. He didn't trust what he would do to her when he was feeling like this. He clenched his fists; his entire body quivering with rage as he slowly turned and walked off down the corridor.

How could she, how _dare_ she black mail him! "Bitch" The word left his mouth like a hiss as he breathed out heavily, not noticing where he was going until the cold wind pierced him outside. And after everything he'd done for her! Lily had noticed that he was helping to protect her from people, to get them to accept her, why couldn't she?

'_You'll what? Invade my privacy, bully me and make me your homework slave?'_ Her scathing and mocking voice washed over him. It was so unlike her, he really resented it. He paused, half turned to go back and argue it out with her when he felt a chill of cold fear run up his spine. He couldn't. He couldn't bother her ever again; if he did she'd tell about Remus. A part of him thought that she was bluffing, but how could he ever risk it? He growled to himself and stalked off towards the forest, needing to work off some of his frustration. As he entered under the dense branches he paused and concentrated for a moment, before the fluidity coursed through him, and all at once he was free. His four paws pounded through the undergrowth as he sniffed at passing scents, letting the mind of the animal take the forefront for a while, leaving his human mind free to mull things over.

Still in his animal form, he padded heavily towards the edge of the forest. He didn't know how long he'd been out there but a part of him realised that if he didn't get back soon then he would be missed. He was about to continue on up to the castle when a flash of blue in the moonlight caught his eye and turning towards the lake he saw Natasha walking there. Before he was even aware, he was racing towards her, and the shock of happiness that spread over her face when she glimpsed him almost tore his mind in two. The animal part was so pleased but then the Sirius part reared up; hurt that she never looked at him like that.

He shook his head in bemusement. He shouldn't care, he just wanted her to…he didn't know what he wanted, just that she shouldn't be angry with, no matter what he'd done to deserve it. A giggle brought his attention back to her and he frowned before opening his mouth in a grin, tongue lolling between his teeth. He must have looked very strange to her. Edging closer he let her stroke him, running her fingers through his fur and he wagged his tail happily at the sensation. For now he would let himself believe the lie; that she liked him. He'd put off facing the truth of his situation until tomorrow. He inwardly smiled; he still had lots of dreaming to do until then.

Over the following days Sirius well and truly tested his friends' patience. He knew he appeared unreasonably angry to them, but he refused to say what was bothering him. How could he ever admit how he'd truly treated Natasha? As he'd sat with her by the lake in his animagus form, she'd still been quite tearful, explaining to him how much it had cost her to stand up to him, how everything he'd said and done had truly affected her. It was the guilt more than anything that was getting him so angry, because he knew he couldn't do anything to get rid of it. How could he apologise to her, when she told him if she went near him again she'd tell about Remus?

He had turned up early to their charms lesson and was sat gnawing on a finger as he glared absentmindedly at the board at the front of the class. How on earth could he have done it all to her? He'd had these bouts of guilt before but had always managed to come up with some excuse for his behaviour, but now…

'_This is how a Black is supposes to be…_' a memory of a menacing whisper from his horrible cousin Bellatrix seemed through his mind and he inwardly recoiled from it. He'd fought the whole of his life to get away from the Black stereotype, doing everything in his power to prove that he wasn't like them. How could he just throw it all away? And for what? A girl who was painstakingly lacking in confidence that he felt the need to belittle further just to make himself feel better. It was pathetic. An ugly sneer directed to himself appeared on his face, and he didn't notice the person hovering near him.

"Merlin Black, are you trying to curdle milk? Because trust me with that face you'll definitely do it".

He quickly transferred his gaze to the inquisitive stare of the red head that stood beside him. His face went blank as he tried to gain some control over his anger.

"Just leave me alone Evans", he eventually said, sighing heavily as he crossed his arms and gazed downwards.

"No. This isn't like you. What the hell has happened between you and Tasha?"

His head snapped up with a crack before he realised that his reaction would have given him away.

"What makes you think anything has happened? We don't even talk". His tone was hard, with a warning in it.

"Oh please Black stop trying to scare me. She never told me exactly what it was you were doing to her, but all I know is that it's stopped and you're stomping round the school with a face like a smacked arse and she's scared of her own shadow".

Sirius blinked in amazement.

"Evans, did you just say _arse_?" he felt a slight grin form on his face as she flushed in embarrassment but kept her gaze on him, waiting for a reply. He sighed again. "Look I don't know why she's so scared, she said something to make me leave her alone and it's working. She should be jumping for bloody joy". He bit out, his face darkening again at the end as he thought everything over. How could he work it so that she would talk to him again? That he could show to her that he wasn't the horrible, bullying idiot she thought he was?

He could see that Lily was still confused and was about to ask more, but luckily for him his friends entered the room then, talking loudly and laughing, so shooting James a dirty look, the red head huffed in annoyance before leaving to sit at her own desk.

That evening, when he was alone with the rest of the Marauders in their dormitory, Sirius took the opportunity to apologise to his friends. He knew he'd been almost unbearably, and it was a testament to their friendship that they were willing to put up with it, willing to let him try and work things out on his own but still always be there for him. He felt a slight thrill of happiness run through him; his entire life he'd never had the feeling of security and trust that he got with his three best friends. They were going to be friends for life.

"Look guys", he began hesitantly, eyes downwards and his dark hair cutting across his face, before he took a deep breath and looking directly in their faces. "I know I've been a complete arse these past few days, and I'm sorry for taking it out on you. It was just something stupid that was bugging me but I've sorted it now".

"Well you better bloody had, another day like that and I was ready to flush your head down the toilet".

Sirius's face broke out into a grin as he heard James' comment.

"Oh cheers Prongs, I feel so loved".

"Anytime Padfoot, besides it was Wormtails idea".

Sirius glanced at his shorter friend and shared a laugh with him. Peter might always seem the innocent one but he was just as much a trouble maker as the rest of them when he wanted to be. Remus had been noticeably quiet throughout but just placed a supportive hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"It's good to have you back Padfoot", Peter said.

After that things when straight back to normal, as though Sirius' personality change had never happened. That was the good thing about them, Sirius thought, they were all so willing to forgive and forget. It was how friends should be.

The following week passed as normally as it could get for Sirius, with the multitude of pranks he felt the need to make up for due to his days of extreme moodiness. Their project was also coming along quite nicely.

"I think the first draft is done", Sirius commented. "What do you think?"

The other three bent their heads over the parchment, taking in every detail.

"It's brilliant Padfoot", Peter breathed in awe. "I don't know how you've done it".

"I've got to say Sirius, a perfect map of the entirety of Hogwarts….impressive" Remus said, sincerity clear in his face, as his fingers absentmindedly traced the winding route from the Gryffindor common room down to the Great Hall. Sirius felt himself puffing up with pride at the comments, although he deflated slightly at the frown on James' face.

"Something wrong with it Prongs?" there was a slight edge to his voice, this was his project and it meant a lot to him. He just had to have done it well.

"No, no way Padfoot it's great!" James quickly rushed to reassure his friend. "It's just that…couldn't we do something more?" he finished hesitantly.

Sirius frowned deeply. "Like what?"

"Well like making it show everyone in the castle, so we can see where everyone is all the time. Think how easy it will be to dodge Filch and the Professors then!" James finished in a rush, unable to hide his excited grin. Sirius kept a straight face for a while before he too broke out into a grin. You couldn't ever ignore as good an idea as that.

"It's bloody brilliant Prongs!" he exclaimed as Remus and Peter joined in, clamouring to be heard as they all put their ideas forward. It would be difficult no doubt, but with their combined brains they'd definitely be able to do it.

"You know we really should come up with a name for this" Remus said after a while, when they'd each been sitting in silence, mulling over their ideas. Sirius felt a stirring of creativity and flashed his friend a grin.

"Leave it with me Moony, leave it with me".

For the first time in a long while he felt calm and relaxed but it wasn't to last long as the common room door swung open, letting in the blue haired girl he was trying so hard to forget about. She towered slightly over her friends Lily and Ruby, and Sirius battled down the pang of guilt again as he stared at her face. She didn't seem to sad, in fact she even looked a bit happy, and he sighed deeply, trying to ignore how much he was missing spending time in her hide out, even though they never really had spoken in their. She just seemed to make him calm. A light touch on his shoulder made him glance up startled, to see his friends looking at him and he flushed slightly.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing at all" James said, his eyes questioning, but he knew better than to ask anything outright. Sirius was a private person, despite all his showboating. If he needed to talk, he knew where they all were. All they could do was to be there for him, just like he was always there for them. James broke the eye contact and heaved a great sight as he turned to look at Lily.

"She's just so pretty" he muttered, but louder than he thought. A blush spread across his face as his friends burst out laughing at him.

"James man, get a grip" Sirius snorted with laughter as his friend tried to hide his embarrassment.

"Hasn't the countless times she's said no put you off yet?" Remus asked teasingly, but with a genuine hint of interest. Would James ever stop his pursuit of her?

"Nope, never!" James declared fiercely, his eyes still following the red head round the room.

"At a boy Prongs, you've got to stay determined, one day she'll say yes" Peter encouraged his messy haired friend. James cast an arm around Peter's shoulder and gestured to the remaining two Marauders.

"See, now why can't you be as supportive as Wormtail? He's a true friend!" he declared elaborately as Remus and Sirius snorted in laughter.

"Yeah a true friend in keeping you delusional" Remus quipped, quickly dodging a swipe from James' arm. Still laughing and joking, they four of them gathered up their things and made their way noisily up to their dormitory, and leaving Sirius determined to put his dealings with Natasha behind him. James was proof that girls just weren't worth the hassle of screwing up your behaviour.


	11. Secrets revealed

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but Natasha and Ruby, everything else belongs to J K Rowling. Fact.

A/N: Here I am again! Only a month to wait this time. I hope you like this chapter, I decided to bring a lot more interaction of the characters in to get the plot moving and to stop it being quite to introspective. I hope you all like it! Major thanks to **purpleabsofsteel**_**,**_ **LegoLassss, Naflower05 **and **Funkysam94** for the reviews! Enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think!

Chapter 11

Natasha was feeling incredibly foolish. She was crouched; half of her actually in the stupid prickly shrubbery, and a rather vicious red head that went by the name of Lily Evans wouldn't let her move. They'd been spending more time together recently, now that Natasha had finally managed to free herself from Sirius Black, and she was so happy she'd managed to really spend time with her best friend. She wasn't so happy about it right then though.

"Seriously Lily, let me go!" she whispered angrily.

"No!" Lily hissed back at her. "We need to see what she's up to".

"Can't you see and then let me know later?" Natasha mumbled moodily, attempting to swipe a strand of blue hair out of her hair, without getting scratched by the thorns. The glare Lily shot her made sure that she stopped complaining.

Five painstaking minutes later, they saw what they'd been waiting for, but it definitely wasn't something they wanted to see. Two figures walked past, their hands intertwined as the shorter, a girl, rested her head on her companions shoulder. They swiftly disappeared from view, leaving their hidden observers stunned.

"That wasn't Remus" Lily said stupidly. Natasha could only gape at her, trying to form words.

"Ru-Ruby and… and… _Peter?!_" she finally managed to spit out. "What in Merlin's name is going on? I thought she liked Remus! Peter knows Remus likes her! What?" Natasha finally finished on a confused note.

"I have no idea…how could they do that to him? How could Peter…" Lily trailed off, unable to comprehend it. How could you ever date someone you knew your best friend fancied?

"This is why they're keeping it secret; could you imagine what would happen if the others found out?" Natasha shuddered slightly – Remus would be so betrayed.

"I can't believe she's done this" Lily whispered. "She's completely used Remus to get the one she wants. And she's lied!" Lily's nostrils flared and her emerald eyes flashed. "We are going to have words with her Tash".

"We?" Natasha asked weekly, but nevertheless she also started to wriggle herself free from the bush.

They gingerly climbed to their feet but baulked at the sight that met their eyes.

"Shit", it slipped out before Natasha could stop herself.

"Erm, Hi Remus!" Lily chirped in a painfully cheerful voice.

Remus stood in front of them with an oddly painful, closed look on his face, his hands hidden in his pockets.

"Ruby's been using me?" he asked quietly. It wasn't hard for him to guess who the 'her' they had to talk to was.

Natasha and Lily shared a quick glance before they nodded slightly to each other. There was no way they could hide this from Remus now. Lily started hesitantly.

"She…well, we think that maybe she was using you as…as a front to get to…" she couldn't finish.

"To who?" Remus asked sternly, his eyes hard and demanding an answer. It was a side to Remus that was very rarely seen. Natasha took a deep breath.

"To Peter", she all but squeaked, feeling a horrible pang of guilt shoot through her at the look of confusion and betrayal that spread over his face. "But she might not have…let us speak to her…maybe it's a mistake…" she trailed off lamely, her head hanging causing her bright hair to hide her face.

"No…if fact everything is starting to make sense now". He said it very quietly and his face was calm once more, revealing nothing as he turned to go.

"Remus!" Lily called out suddenly, causing him to look back at them. "We're sorry".

A wry and slightly bitter smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

"Don't be. I'm glad I finally know the truth now". And with that he walked off quickly, leaving the two girls in stunned silence once more.

* * *

Later that evening, Natasha and Lily were perched nervously on the cushions in front of the round window in the Gryffindor common room. It was dark outside, and rain battered heavily onto the glass through the howling wind. It was bitterly cold out, as autumn was quickly turning into winter, and a draft kept ghosting through the edge of the window, causing the two of them to shiver.

They hadn't managed to find Ruby after Remus left them. For once they cursed the weekend which meant they couldn't corner their friend in lessons.

"Do you think he's told them?" Lily whispered as their eyes darted over to the three boys gathered in front of the roaring fire. Peter hadn't turned up during the day either.

James and Sirius were being loud and boisterous as usual, and a small crowd had gathered before them as they set about making everyone laugh. Remus was sat by them, a smile on his face; as though he too was amused, but Natasha knew it was a lie. She'd worn a fixed smile like that too many times not to see through it. Her blue eyes trailed back over to Sirius and she was startled to see his grey eyes staring directly at her. She felt herself panic slightly at the contact; she gone out of her way to avoid him, to even _look_ at him since their fight. He had a frown on his face as he looked from her to Remus, and she could see questions forming as she quickly looked away.

"I don't think they know yet", she answered Lily finally. "But I think they've just noticed that Remus isn't being himself".

Lily looked over to see James and Sirius with their heads bowed together, but instead of talking to Remus, they got up and started walking over to them.

"Shit".

"Is that all you can say at times like t his?" Lily asked in exasperation.

"Well I thought it summed everything up" Natasha replied with a quick grin that disappeared as soon as the boys stopped in front of them.

"A word bluebottle" it came out as a growl from Sirius' mouth, and he didn't giver her a chance to protests as he reached down and grabbed her arm, before yanking her up and dragging her after him.

"How dare you" she hissed at him in an angry whisper as they finally came to a stop in a quieter corner of the common room. "I told you to stay away from me". The words came out calm and steady but inside she was trembling. He was looming over her and she subconsciously backed further towards the wall, as his eyes narrowed in anger, before she saw him force calmness to spread out over his features.

"I want to know what's wrong with Remus".

Natasha quirked a blue eyebrow at this. "Well I think we both know what's wrong with him, do you want me to tell everyone else?" She was pushing him she knew, and with a gulp she realised that maybe she'd pushed him too far.

He backed her into the wall completely and leant down to snarl in her ear.

"I don't think that would be wise", his hot breath brushed over her neck causing her to shiver and lean her head away. He brought his hard grey eyes back up to her blue ones. "What has happened to him today?"

His tone was deceptively calm now, even pleasant and Natasha was left reeling in the change of his emotions, but she knew it wasn't her place to tell him.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" she replied stubbornly, as she glared back at him. He'd accused her of being weak before, and she'd be damned before she showed any signs of weakness in front of him again, regardless of how much she was quaking inside. She cursed the fact that he wouldn't break eye contact with her.

"You're lying".

Her eyes widened in alarm at his matter of fact tone and she shifted guiltily.

"Why do you say that?" her steadfast expression faltered as his face broke out into a grin.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

"So I've been told…" Natasha trailed off wearily as he edged closer. What was he going to do now? He was such a complex character, he continually had her guessing and she didn't like it.

He leant his arm on the wall above her head, his face angling down towards her and she refused to make eye contact with him. She flinched slightly has his hand lightly gripped her jaw, his fingers caressing her cheek as he made her look at him, and she felt her face flame.

"Please" he shot her a pleading smile, his eyes now almost molten silver, "Tell me" he murmured to her, and Natasha felt herself melt. Why didn't she just tell him? Her azure eyes were drowning in silver ones and she opened her mouth to speak.

"You should ask-" At that very moment a screech of rage rang out form the other side of the common room, and distracted Natasha tore her eyes from Sirius' to see an irate Lily standing over a cowering James. Realising how close she'd come to crumbling she lurched away from Sirius and made her getaway, breathing a huge sigh of relief.

She rushed over towards Lily who had just brandished her wand, and quickly grabbed the red heads arms to drag her away.

"You are unbelievable Potter" she spat at him in anger. His face broke out into a lopsided smile.

"Finally you see the truth Evans".

Natasha took one look at the frozen anger on her friends' face, before all but shoving her up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. As soon as they reached the privacy of their room, Lily grabbed a pillow before screaming into it. She lowered it slowly, her eyes still spitting fire.

"I hate him". She stated it in a matter of fact tone, and at that moment in time Natasha believed her.

"What…what did he do?" she asked hesitantly, afraid Lily would release her anger on her.

"He kissed me!!" Lily let out another shriek of rage before she began pacing the room. "He was trying to get me to tell him what was wrong with Remus and I wouldn't, so he just leant in and_ kissed_ me. Urgh, gross, I feel sick!" she wailed finally before flopping down on to her bed and groaning into her pillow. Natasha was quite glad Lily couldn't see the amused smile that was threatening to take over her face. She quickly wiped it clean though when Lily pulled herself up to look at her.

"What happened with you and Sirius?" Natasha scowled at the mention of his name.

"Well first he threatened, then he out right asked, and then he tried to…to _seduce_ me!" she exclaimed, all her frustration with him coming to the fore. Lily started to giggle.

"He _seduced_ you?" she giggled again.

"Yes!" Natasha exclaimed. "He leant in, cupped my cheek and would _not_ break eye contact. It was horrible, I almost crumbled. He's too good looking for his own good". She muttered to herself.

Lily was nodding knowingly.

"He's tried that on me before, when he wanted me to do his potions essay for him. He's horribly good at it isn't he?"

Natasha sunk down onto the bed next to her friend. "Yep. What a git".

They giggled together for a while, but quickly stopped as the bedroom door opened. Natasha held herself ready to make a quick getaway in case it was Cassie and Eluned but thankfully, or not, it was Ruby.

"There you are!" Lily exclaimed, sitting up with a start. "We've been looking for you all day. Where've you been?"

"Oh you know, in the library mostly, then I had to ask some Professors some things, and then I was with Remus". A blush spread out over Ruby's cheeks. Before Natasha had always seen it as a blush of happiness, but now she could see it was more a flush of guilt. Her eyes hardened but it was nothing compared to Lily's reaction.

"You're lying", Lily spat at her, her anger clearly evident.

Ruby looked startled as she stood there in the middle of the room, unsure of what to say.

"No I'm not I-"

Natasha cut her off. "We saw you and Peter, Ruby. We know the truth".

Ruby gazed down and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, I just…I really like Peter! I got to know him when I was trying to get close to Remus and well, I'd told you both how much I liked Remus, I didn't think you'd believe me if I told you I'd changed my mind".

Lily scoffed at this. "Why on earth wouldn't we believe you?"

"I don't know, I was just too scared to say anything. I…I really like him". Ruby's eyes pleaded with them, and Natasha felt herself softening. Lily however had no such qualms.

"You have been _using_ Remus and lying to us! Did you even consider his feelings in all of this? Were you just going to keep it a secret forever?"

"No of course not!" Ruby exclaimed, "We were just going to let it come about slowly. I didn't mean to use it as a shield, but well…he likes me and I knew you'd believe me if I said I was with him, when really I was with Peter".

"Can you hear yourself?" Natasha asked in amazement, her anger coming back. "It's disgusting how you've treated him! How do you expect him to feel when he finds out?"

"Well he won't will he?" Ruby's jaw had taken on a stubborn look as she faced her too friends down. Her eyes narrowed though as she saw them shift guiltily. "Will he?" she reiterated.

"He, well Ruby he happened upon us after we'd seen you and Peter. There was no way we could hide the truth from him". Lily said it in a matter of fact tone, her expression of anger mirroring Ruby's. Natasha shifted nervously; she didn't want her two friends to argue over this.

"How could you betray me like that?" Ruby yelled at them in complete anger. "What the hell, we wanted to tell him ourselves, oh Merlin…" running her hands through her choppy hair, Ruby shot them one more glare before making her way to door.

"Where are you going?" Natasha called out quickly.

"To help Peter", Ruby snapped at her, "Now that you've gone and fed him to the dragons. I can't believe you two". And with that she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

"Does she actually believe she's in the _right?_" Lily asked in amazement. "How can she?"

Natasha looked at her friends dumbfounded face, and couldn't help but agree. Ruby had treated Remus very badly, she had lied to them, and yet didn't see what she'd done was wrong.

"She must really like Peter I guess…" she trailed off, not knowing really what to think.

Lily was silent for a while, a frown covering her face, before she sighed heavily.

"Yeah I guess, but why's she gotten so weird about it? She used to tell us everything". Lily looked so sad; Natasha leant over to hug her. They sat there for a time before Lily sighed once more, but this time there was an air of determination about her.

"Let's talk to her again when we're all calmer. I think maybe the out right attack on her didn't help, she always has been very defensive".

"True", Natasha agreed, "And then maybe we'll find out exactly how she feels about Peter".

They got ready for bed then, and as Natasha lay there in the darkness she heard Cassie and Eluned enter the room. Her eyes fought to stay open, as her ears strained to listen out for Ruby, but her final thought before sleep finally claimed her, was that boys were stupid, and she really hoped that one of them didn't take one of her best friends from her.


	12. That time of the Month

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

**A/N:** No this is not a mirage. Yes this is actually an update. I can only apologise (again) for how long it's taken me. This is a bit of a short chapter to help kick start myself back into the habit of updating. Hope you all like it, would love to know what you all think of it!

Adrenaline was coursing through his veins, a heady mix of fear and excitement as he edged down the dusty pathway, his shoulders brushing the edges. Tongue lolling he turned to look behind, seeing the figure of a stag closely following and he couldn't contain the bark that slipped out. A squeak of warning drew his attention downwards to where a rat was scuttling nervously about his feet.

'_Trust Wormtail to always be edging on the side of caution' _Sirius mused to himself.

It had taken a surprisingly short amount of time for Peter to finally get the hang of being an animagus now that James and he had been successfully transforming for almost three months, but this was the first time they had dared put their plan to help Remus into action.

They reached heavy wooden door, which had deep cracks splintering through it, so much so it was a wonder it still remained in one piece. From the other side they could hear the growls and snarls of anger and occasional shrieks of pain, interspersed with the splintering and crashing of wood. Remus was on the other side, but it was a Remus none of them had seen before.

Things had been tense between all of them the previous week. With the discovery that it was Peter that Ruby had been sneaking off with and not Remus, it was the first true test of the Marauders' friendship. Remus had been subdued and upset, as opposed to angry, whereas Peter had been plain terrified. Strangely it was not Remus that he was scared of, but it was the reaction of James and Sirius he'd been much more scared of.

And they had indeed been incredibly angry. They were the Marauders, the best of friends, practically brothers and they were not pleased that he had hidden this from them. Peter had been beyond apologetic. He'd known from the start that he should have come clean but he'd opted to take the easy way out.

The more Peter had explained though, and just how he spoke about Ruby, Sirius found his anger abating. Peter liked her, he really really liked her. Confusion bubbled up in him; how could they all have missed this? How had Peter hidden it so well from them?

It was Remus though that had finally settled things. He'd cut across Peter's stuttering explanations, said he was happy for him, and that was the end of it. Sirius had stood there flabbergasted for a moment, and shared a confused look with James. What could they do though? If Remus said it was fine, as he was the one who had been wronged, they had to go along with him.

It had all left a slight feeling of unfinished business, and as the week had trickled ever closer to the full moon, Sirius was left feeling slightly grumpy about the whole thing. It was as though he was still itching for some sort up confrontation of sorts, indeed even that day he'd - No. He wasn't going to think about that, not now when what they were about to do was so very dangerous.

A sharp nudge to his side brought him back to attention. James' animagus, that of a stag, was gazing at him curiously and Sirius gave himself a mental shake. His nose was assaulted by so many new smells but the biggest one he was picking up was danger, yet he did his best to ignore it. With a low growl to Peter and James, he reared up and leant all his weight on the door. It opened slowly.

Sirius' eyes almost refused to take in what he was seeing. How could _that_ be his best friend?

The werewolf was crouched low in a corner of the room, almost hidden by the expanse of a large bed, with eyes flashing yellow. Mad eyes. A mournful howl broke free with such heart wrenching pain contained in it Sirius couldn't help but shudder. Large gouges and scratch marks littered the werewolf's body as it breathed heavily, affording itself some respite.

The sound of scuttling on the floor, Peter trying to hide behind James and Sirius, had the werewolf's neck snapping straight up. Yellow eyes gleamed as the body stilled. There was only a slight twitch, a small gathering of muscles that warned Sirius what was coming before the werewolf sprang.

Meeting him head on, it was a ferocious collision of teeth, fur and claws. Panic was almost starting to set in in Sirius' head, yet it was a good job he was as big an animagus as he was. He could hardly control Remus – no the werewolf. Sirius couldn't quite yet think of this monster as his quiet, sarcastic and mild mannered best friend. James' stag figure soon joined the fray, using his antlers to field the more serious blows from landing and the great shaggy figure of a black dog.

He lost all track of time as they fought, and he wondered just how wounds to his animagus form would transfer on to his human one. With a grim growl, he prayed it wouldn't be too bad in the morning.

It must have taken them almost an hour, but eventually the werewolf started to settle down, as though it knew it wouldn't win this fight. With a slight whine it settled itself in the corner, eyes no longer glowing with a crazed light, but still definitely weary.

A strange silence entered the room, as one by one Sirius, James and Peter all edged closer towards the werewolf, taking it in turns to smell and survey him. It was a very animal thing to do. The worst the werewolf did was to bear its teeth and growl at Peter's rat form, yet for now it seemed that the wolf inside it had been subdued.

Could it be that Remus could still have some semblance of control over it? Staring in to the utterly alien eyes, Sirius didn't think so, yet part of him hoped if just once a month, they could do their bit to help their friend from hurting himself when he was transformed. Remus didn't share too much with them, but they hadn't failed to notice that the older he got, the longer he was staying in the hospital wing to recover. It was clear that with age the wolf was stronger, and he was self-inflicting more serious injuries on himself.

The three of them had left it late to see Remus, uncertainty and nerves having prevented them getting there sooner, not knowing quite how things would work out trying to control a werewolf. Because of this, morning was already coming on swift wings, made even more apparent as the closer it got to dawn, the sleepier Remus' werewolf was getting. Almost as one the figures of the rat, stag and dog edged their way quietly out of the room, Sirius doing his clumsy best to shut the door behind them with his big jaws.

They quickly made their way out of the tunnel, Peter using his small size to freeze the branches of the whomping willow to allow them a safe escape. They had decided beforehand that the best way to conceal their animagus identities was to always transform within the confines of the Forbidden Forest and they quickly made their way there. Sirius had been most adamant they weren't to risk transforming near the whomping willow where there was the risk they could be seen from the windows.

James and Peter had been surprised how vehemently he had been against it, as usually the risk of getting caught was what Sirius loved the most about situations, yet the knowledge of a secret fourth floor window was ever present in his mind. He did not want to risk that infuriating bluebottle seeing them and picking up even more secrets. She knew too much as it was, and her threat about revealing Remus' secret still stood. Panic had been building in Sirius all evening over his actions from earlier in the day but – NO. A vicious snarl escaped him as he clamped down on the thought. He wouldn't, he couldn't, let himself think about it.

He glanced quickly towards the stag to see if James was sending him a strange look, yet James was standing stock still. A quick flick of his tail and he sprang off into the trees. Sirius made to look for Peter but was amazed when he couldn't see him; just what had he missed? A faint bark in the distance quickly grabbed his attention.

A dog, it was out there and not too far away and that meant one thing. The gamekeeper Hagrid was already up and about, they'd left it later then they should have to transform and now there was the very great risk they could get caught. Heedless of the direction he was going in, Sirius launched himself further into the Forbidden Forest, praying that the dog didn't pick up any of their scents.

He ran deeper into the darkness, yet instead of panic, all he felt was exhilaration. The whole night had been one spiralling mass of an adrenaline kick and he'd loved it. This was what it was to feel alive. Cocking an ear to listen out for signs of pursuit, he couldn't hear any, so he slowed to a gentle walk, and transformed as he moved.

He was never quite sure just where his clothes went when he transformed, but he was very thankful they were still there when he changed back. He looked down at himself and grimaces slightly. His chest and arms were covered in red welts and he knew from gingerly feeling his midriff that he was coated with bruises.

With a deep sigh, he turned and started to make his way back to the castle. Animagus or no, wizard or no, even he wasn't stupid enough to think it was safe to be deep in the Forbidden Forest by himself.

It seemed to take him far longer to walk back to the school than he'd anticipated, and with each step his adrenaline was wearing off, to be replaced with a deep seated weariness and no small amount of pain. If this was how he was feeling, he shuddered to think of the condition Remus would be in, and had been in every month for years. It wasn't right, it wasn't _fair_, and Sirius determined his friend should never have to go through this alone again. If he could only take a small amount of pain out of his friend's lycanthropic transformations then he'd do it. No one deserved to go through such brutal pain.

With a weary sigh, he half smiled at the site of Hogwarts looming large before him. The sun still hadn't quite risen so he knew he had to be careful on his way back up the Gryffindor common room. His condition however was rapidly going down-hill. By the time he'd reached the entrance hall he was struggling to walk, and with slight alarm he noticed black dots starting to swim before his gaze. He had to get somewhere and soon, for if he was found unconscious and battered in the hall ways he didn't even want to contemplate what sort of difficult questions he would be faced with.

One thought entered his mind and he clutched on to it. It seemed to take him an age but he finally wondered his way to the right corridor and with a croak of the word "Cariad" he got to where he wanted to be.

He staggered over to the person in the room, who was gazing at him with completely undisguised horror. So much was his pain he couldn't even acknowledge the feelings of guilt or panic that were raging through him.

"Nat" it was all he managed before he stumbled forward and passed out. Deep darkness took him, as a smile slowly replaced the pain filled grimace on his unconscious features.


	13. The week from Hell

**Disclaimer:** see first chapter

**A/N:** can you believe it but it's another update. Two days in a row! I know I'm in shock... hello to all my new followers, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. Would really love it if any reviews could be left, just to let me know how I'm getting on, what you think is good/bad etc... it really would make my day. Happy reading!

Chapter 13

Her breath was coming in quick shallow gasps, her vision blurring as she struggled to get enough oxygen through her system. A fine trembling was in her arms and hands and her eyes gazed wide at what was before her. The sight alone would have alarmed her but not to the extent it had, but she'd had enough. Her day, no her whole week, had been a disaster. Natasha Regan was quite willing to admit that she had well and truly had enough.

It had all started off with them finding out about Ruby and Peter's secret. Ruby had been beyond furious, something Natasha still couldn't quite understand. She'd kept mostly quiet, allowing Lily to exhaust her own anger before asking Ruby just how it had happened.

"I just don't understand Ruby, you were so focused on Remus...what changed?"

Running a hand through her short choppy hair, her friend seemed to struggle for a moment before she could draw up a reply.

"I...I don't really know. I just, I was so nervous trying to talk to Remus, I kept trying to find out more about him somehow and the easiest way to do that was by talking to Peter. I mean he's Peter, he's not intimidating at all right? And thing is, he really was easy to talk to, and he's so funny! Seriously now" she hurried to continue at the slight raised eyebrows she was receiving in response "I know you might not think it, that he's the quiet 'Marauder' or what have you but he is funny, and sweet and kind and...I like him"

She was utterly serious as she flicked her gaze between Natasha and Lily.

"I get it okay, he's not the good looking one, the mysterious one or the Quidditch star one – but _I like him_".

There wasn't really anything Natasha could say to that. Lily and Ruby had formed a tentative truce, with Ruby promising not to keep things like it from them again. Yet things still weren't quite right. Instead of comfortable silences, there were awkward ones, and Natasha prayed that her two friends could come through this shake in trust.

After that it had been her tutoring session. She'd had them for almost five weeks now, and all in all they were perfectly okay. Contrary to Lily's hypotheses, James Potter whilst yes slightly arrogant, was actually a rather decent boy. He was smart, articulate and funny. He was also irritatingly inquisitive.

"C'mon Tasha, what have you done to Sirius?" James' pleading tones received nothing but a derisive snort and a raised blue eyebrow as a response.

"I'm being serious, something's happened and he's not been right since. He's either in a foul mood or sleeping or trying to make up for his moods by going over the top on pranks. I know you have something to do with it. Natasha, please" frustration had been growing in James' voice and he reached out now to stop her hand that had been furiously copying down his transfiguration note "what's going on with the two of you?"

Natasha paused for a long moment, part of her absolutely staggered that James had the gall to ask her about Sirius' behaviour, to act as though it was something _she_ had done that was wrong. Struggling to keep a control of her temper, she turned to look at James and stared him right in the eye. A sad smile crossed her face when he was unable to hold her azure gaze.

"I haven't done anything James, only stood up for myself. If Sirius doesn't like it, that's not my problem, but please don't make it out as though I'm the one who's in the wrong here".

That earned her a sharp look.

"I didn't mean that I...wait if you don't think you're in the wrong, then that means you think Sirius is? But he's stopped all the pranks on you – what's the problem now?"

"None of your business" she snapped. It was far more of an aggressive response than she'd intended but she felt so stressed by the situation with Sirius knowing about her hideaway, she truly didn't think she could handle it if someone else found it.

James gave her a cold look, and inwardly she quailed to see it.

"I don't think I deserved that Natasha" he snapped back at her "I'm worried about a friend, a friend who if you actually took the time to notice, is actually being very helpful to you. But then that's you all over isn't it, you don't notice do you? Do you ever for a second think how anyone else is feeling other than yourself? Because I'm starting to really think that you don't. And the way you treat Lily? That stinks. I don't know what such a wonderful girl has done to get friends" he all but sneered the word at her "like you and Ruby. She deserves so much better".

And after that snarling, angry speech he'd left. Just gathered his things and left, leaving Natasha sat there, mouth gaping in shock as her face slowly flushed red in a mix of shame, embarrassment and anger.

How dare he, how _dare he_ speak to her like that and make her feel guilty about Sirius' behaviour. He had no idea, none at all, as to what Sirius had been putting her through. No he just thought his best buddy was perfectly friendly and that he was being bloody _helpful_ to her.

A very unladylike snort issued from Natasha as she raked her fingers absentmindedly through her hair. I mean, he hadn't been helping her, had he? Sure maybe the teasing and looks had stopped, but he'd more than made up for that by finding her hideaway and stealing her secrets. They were at a weary impasse at the moment but Natasha wasn't foolish enough to think it would last long. Sirius was like a finely cracked egg shell – only seconds from breaking. She thought she'd been the only one to notice it, but clearly James had as well.

As she haphazardly gathered her unfinished and scribbled transfiguration notes to stuff in her overburdened bag, her mind flitted briefly to what James had said about Lily, and she felt herself flooded with shame. With the easily recognisable picking at the corner of her eyes that were the tell-tale signs of tears, Natasha all but ran to her sanctuary.

She shut the heavy oak door behind her, eyes quickly scanning the welcoming area in case Sirius had decided to forgo her warning, and she released a shaky breath of relief when she saw that it was empty.

The tears came then. She didn't quite know what had brought on such a violent outburst from James, but however wrong he was about Sirius he was so very right about Lily. She had well and truly been an awful friend. But then, what could she do?

She'd tried spending more time in the common room, yet instead of being teased or talked of, she had those silver grey eyes of Sirius bore into her almost relentlessly. It made her so uncomfortable it was all she could do not to run out of the room. Added to that, after her years of solitude she simply wasn't used to being around people for long. Lessons were enough for her, why couldn't the others just let her be?

Selfish.

The word smashed into her. She was, now that the thought was there, utterly selfish and she couldn't argue with it. For so long she'd been wrapped up in her own misery she had stopped noticing it of others.

'When did I stop?' she mused, trying to wipe her face dry. 'Have I really been so self-absorbed to not notice Lily needed me?'

Guilt spread through her when she realised that not only had she not noticed, but that she hadn't really listened when Lily had asked her to spend more time with her either.

'Rubbish. I'm a rubbish friend, Merlin James is right, why on earth does she put up with me?'

Morose was one word to describe Natasha that evening, and as she made her way to the window seat to rest her head wearily on the cool glass, her mind still raced with morbid thoughts, and sleep eluded her.

That had been on Wednesday. By Friday she looked and felt dreadful, the lack of sleep catching up with her and her inner berating taking what small confidence she had managed to build up. Friday also happened to be the day hers and Severus' potions project was due.

With a weary sigh she'd approached the table where he sat, and was surprised that instead of his usual half-hearted sneer in greeting, his face remained blank. His eyes looked thoughtful and he opened his mouth and shut it a couple of times before heaving a heavy sigh.

"What's happened?"

She all but gaped at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You look like you've been in a fight with a banshee. To put it simply, you look like shit".

Again Natasha could only gape at him.

"And don't think I'm asking because I care about you, I want to make sure you're okay to present our project today"

Well, that put her in her place. She eyed Severus nervously, as though weighing how to respond. Apart from their weekly meetings in the library, Severus had almost gone out of his way to avoid communicating with her with any semblance of a friendship. She couldn't quite comprehend why in the library he could be almost civil, yet at other times he was utterly mean. She didn't think she would even understand this strange sallow skinned boy, who was undoubtedly amazingly intelligent, but seemed to think the whole world was against him. Despite all of it though, she had to concede that she liked him.

"I'm fine Severus" she murmured and hurried to finish before he count interrupt "No, please, I am fine to do the project, you don't have to worry about that".

Again that strangely blank look from him, and then a nod.

"Good. Look through these; I've made a list of what we need to go through".

Ten minutes passed in silence then as she perused his instructions. She couldn't deny that he was thorough, and the nerves she'd started to feel about having to stand in front of the whole class room started to settle. All they needed to do was recite through the ingredients, process, and the effects, then just put forth their hypothesis of an antidote for the Draft of Living Death.

It had been hugely enjoyable to research such complex solutions with someone as skilled in potions as her. She didn't for one second think the information they'd gathered so far was anywhere near to forming an antidote but she'd loved the process, the trial and error, the gathering of information. Potions simply gave her a thrill, and it was almost with eagerness she stood at the front of the dungeon classroom, with the sour faced Severus at her side.

She should have known the good feeling wouldn't last.

The rest of the class presented a hugely intimidating audience as they all nudged each other and whispered, openly pointing at the two of them. Natasha had to resist the urge to look down and check her clothing, in case there was something amiss with her appearance. To her relief, Severus started the presentation.

It was soon apparent however that Severus was not made to be a public speaker, at least not a public speaker for a bored and slightly antagonistic class of school children. His tone of voice was not suited to overcome the murmur of noise that always pervaded a classroom. What he had to say was interesting, yet his tone of presenting it did not encourage people to listen.

A strange drumming noise irritated her ears, and looking around for it, azure eyes met grey, as one Sirius Black was leant back on his stool, fingers drumming the desk top in boredom as his eyes bored into her.

A sharp nudge in her side from Severus alerted her to the fact it was not her turn. Gazing down quickly at her notes to gather herself, she could still feel Sirius' eyes on her, and she knew without doubt something bad was going to happen.

As her voice, quiet and hesitant, started to discuss the effects of the Draft of Living Death she heard intermittent giggles from around the classroom. Her face starting to flush red with embarrassment she carried on with her speech, staring directly ahead, not daring to look around, to look at Sirius, to see just what was going on. Strange white flickers begun to appear in her peripheral vision and she couldn't help herself but to look.

Floating in mid-air and occasionally bumping into Severus' head were tiny pieces of soap.

"Can't you take the hint _Snivellus_. Looks like someone thinks you need a good clean".

Sirius Black's arrogant drawl sounded unnaturally loud in the classroom. Natasha at this point had trailed off in panic as she glanced quickly at the Professor to see what she would do. To her horror however she could see Professor Roulou just sitting there, looking almost intrigued to see how Natasha and Severus would handle the situation.

Severus to his credit, refused to respond, so Natasha taking her cue from him, carried on with the presentation, her voice louder this time to try and bring attention back to her instead of Severus. It was futile though as the giggles kept increasing. Sirius wasn't one to be ignored either.

"Looks like its his ears that need cleaning first, or maybe his hair, although I dare say it would take something stronger than spoke to get rid of that slime".

Grey eyes gleamed with an emotion she couldn't fathom, but before she could contemplate it further, Severus snapped. Almost instantaneously the two boys had drawn their wands and the red sparks flew.

Giggles turned into shrieks as everyone dove for cover. It took the Professor just a few short minutes to restore quiet, as Natasha stood there helpless.

Sirius had been banished from the classroom and sent straight to McGonagall the head of Gryffindor house with the proclamation of a weeks' worth of detention ringing throughout the room. Natasha hesitantly made her way over to Severus who was cradling one of his hands but he snarled before she could get close.

"Stay away from me Regan".

It almost ended on a hiss, and she sheer hatred in his voice almost sent her reeling. Eyes starting to blur with unshed tears, she searched quickly through her potions supplies, nervous fingers taking an irritatingly long time to find what she wanted.

"H-here" she stuttered, shoving a small bottle of clear liquid his way. "Essence of Dittany" she explained, voice stronger this time, before he could snap at her again.

Severus didn't reply, although she gave a half smile at the site of his good hand reaching out for the bottle. Her smile died though before it could be fully formed at the site of Professor Roulou glowering in front of her.

"Considering the depth and knowledge of the information you had managed to gather for this project, your attempt at a presentation was a disgrace. Knowledge alone is not good enough if you cannot utilise it nor explain it to your peers. Let this be a warning to you both – never perform so badly in my class again, for it will be the last time I allow you into this dungeon".

As the Professor stalked off to the front of the classroom, Natasha sat there trying to take it all in. So she, known to be nervous, had been doing her best to present their project. Sirius Black, completely uncontrolled, had seen fit to ruin it. And the Professor was blaming them?!

Casting the Professor and incredulous look, Natasha gathered her books and potion supplies and stormed out of the room, ignoring Professor Roulou's shouts for her to return. She couldn't stay in that classroom a moment longer and still trust herself not to do anything that she would regret, or regret more than what she'd just done anyway.

And she'd made her way straight to her hideaway, to her sanctuary, almost bubbling over in rage. Her life, she had come to the conclusion, was entirely unfair.

And it had culminated now, as dawn was just breaking on the Saturday morning, at the sight that was in front of her, that had sent her breathing into such a panic.

Sirius Black was passed out on his side, on her bed, and he'd called her Nat.

Her eyes widened further as she took in his appearance, she didn't think she could ever recall a time when someone looked as terrible as he currently did. There was a large gash on one of his eyebrows and two perfect black eyes were forming. A huge bruise could be seen through the torn sleeve of his shirt that was hanging off him in tatters, as well as sever bruising along the whole of his right side.

Panic thrumming through her she wondered just what she should do. Should she levitate him to the hospital wing? She cut that question off quickly. No, if she went there would be questions firstly how Sirius had gotten this way and secondly just how it was that it had been her that had found him.

Mind made up she rushed over to her potions supplies and she cursed loudly as she realised her Essence of Dittany was still with Severus. As hands still shaking started to assemble her cauldron and ingredients to brew up a fresh batch, the strangeness of the situation had her shaking her head.

Just how could it be that after a week in which Sirius had ruined almost every day, she now found herself early on the weekend brewing up a potion to treat his wounds? What on earth was he even doing here anyway, why wasn't he with his friends?

Face grim with determination, Natasha's blue eyes rested on him, noted the shallow rise and fall of his chest and she promised herself she would get an answer to the most important question which she voiced softly into the air.

"Sirius, what happened to you?"


	14. Avoidance of all Types

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter. I own nothing.

**A/N: ** To my new followers – welcome! You've no idea what a boost it is to know more and more people are following my story. I admit I'm not the best updater, but you all certainly provide me with more motivation!

**Nyx:** Thanks very much for the review, so glad you like it!

**Ridiculosity:** I'm siriusly glad you like it! Thank you.

**Spot'sGalFrom1899:** So sorry for the next chapter not being ready sooner, hope you enjoy this one, and thanks for the review.

And to the Guest that reviewed – yes I am indeed Welsh, and diolch!

Chapter 14

He was running, the sounds of shrieks and snarls following him as a deep cold fear gripped at his heart. A thick fog was surrounding him as grasping flesh eaten hands reached for him. Stumbling now, falling, being ripped away from something so precious it caused him to cry out in pain. And then it stopped.

A blue haze surrounded him and he drifted. Uncaring of where he now was, just thankful that the sounds and fear had been left behind. A happy sigh this time, as he felt himself relax, for once feeling utterly at home.

Sirius didn't know how long he lingered in that place, but it was with great regret he felt something tugging at him, pulling him upwards, and with a world weary groan his eyes begrudgingly opened. Such a splash of blue greeted his gaze, he half thought that he was still dreaming, but as the pain set in, he blinked quickly, bringing the worried face of Natasha Regan into focus.

Her mouth was moving, yet Sirius couldn't make sense of the words, just a lilting sound that rang out pleasantly, and he looked at her in confusion.

"Are you singing?" they both started at the sound of his voice, it was hoarse and gravelly, and it had hurt him to speak. Confusion was plastered over Natasha's face as she looked at him.

"No".

Such short answers she always gave him, it infuriated him, and as his face deepened into a frown, he growled in anger as he saw her pull away slightly, as though in fear.

He sat up then, hating to feel so submissive, so weak, and just as he was about to ask her just how it was he'd gotten into her room, something else distracted his attention completely.

"How – hey, why am I topless?"

A blush, a clear cherry tomato red, bloomed over the cheeks of his bluebottle.

"I – your shirt – I, it needed mending. And you were hurt..." she trailed off, clearly beyond embarrassed as she refused to meet his gaze.

Glancing down at himself he saw faded red marks, and pale looking bruises, as though they were already days old.

"You healed me?"

Sirius for the life of him couldn't fathom why she would have done that. Not after how he'd treated her, with the blackmailing, the teasing, the ruining of her presentation... his thoughts trailed off. He really had been an utter git to her. The swishing of blue caught his still weary eyes as she shook her head quickly.

"Why?"

He heard her intake of breath at that, and was amazed that for once she held his gaze. Too often recently she wouldn't do it, would hide her eyes from him, and he hated it. He'd heard James mumble about how unnerving they were, how he couldn't stand to look at them for too long, yet Sirius was utterly lost in them. He was so distracted by them, he didn't notice the slight hint of steel that entered her expression as she threw a question at him that took him completely off guard.

"How did you get hurt?"

Sirius' heart began to pound. How could he even begin to answer that? As the seconds ticked by, his panic began to grow as her eyes narrowed in an all too knowing suspicion.

"It was a full moon last night..."

Her words were soft, but in the stillness of her hideaway he still heard them clearly. It was as though he was frozen with fear and there was no way he could see to talk his way out of this one. Sirius wasn't stupid, he knew how to work situations to his favour and usually with girls it took one lopsided grin and they caved. That had _never_ worked with Natasha, no matter how many times he'd tried it. With a deep breath he opted to settle for as close to the truth as he could.

"Remus' transformations each month are horrible. I was...I was helping him". He'd tilted his head to the side and gazed up at her, his eyes gleaming silver through the strand of dark hair that framed his face. He saw her shudder but whether that was from his look or from his words, Sirius was at a complete loss to tell.

Fear had spread across his bluebottle's face as she scrambled back and stood quickly, gazing at him as though he'd grown another head. 'Definitely not at my look then...' Sirius mused sardonically.

"Are you – are you _crazy?!" _Natasha stuttered at him. "What if you'd been b-bitten?"

A frown settled on his features as he gazed down as his still bare chest and then back to her face. A wry smile settled over his features as he lay back, linking his hands behind his head.

"Why Regan, I didn't think you'd care..." he trailed off with a grin as a furious frown crossed her face, even as she flushed bright red at him reclining before her.

"I don't". The force in which she'd snapped her answer seemed to surprise even her, yet Sirius kept his lazy smile. Whatever was happening between him and Natasha, he knew for sure that this time at least he had the upper hand and he'd be damned if he'd let that go. He gestured casually to his naked torso.

"And yet, you healed me...why?" His question was more pointed than last time and he all bit pinned her to the spot with his eyes. Sirius was often seen as being happy go lucky, the class clown, the trouble maker; whatever label you had for him hid completely what he could be really like. Stubborn, loyal, determined and smart were not adjectives you'd commonly associate with this particular Black but Sirius was never one to easily be thrown from his path. He wanted an answer from her and he'd make damn sure he'd get it.

As she glanced about her, clearly searching for an answer he quietly got to his feet and approached. The widened innocent blue eyes and the startled gasp that came from her was more than worth it. He took a step closer. It was with mild amusement he noticed he had her pinned up against the desk again, although at least this time he wasn't snarling in anger at her. No, he decided, as she stared at his wide eyed and slightly breathless; this time the scenario was much more preferable.

It seemed to take ages for her to meet his gaze, and Sirius felt a momentary surge of triumph as she finally opened her mouth to answer.

"It was...it's just...James..." she trailed off seemingly lost for words and Sirius couldn't help but tense up in instant anger at the mention of his best friend's name. He was the one who had been hurt, he was the one she'd healed, for Merlin's sake it was he, Sirius, that had her pinned up against a desk and she says _James?!_ His eyes hardened further as he saw her flinch back slightly from his angry gaze, which only sent his temper spiking further. Did she honestly think he'd hurt her?

He closed his eyes and released a puff of angry air as he had to force himself to take a step back.

"James". The bitterness that was in his voice surprised him, but he didn't stop to think why he was suddenly feeling so angry. "So James gets to call you selfish, gets to make you cry and yet you'll do things for _him?!_" Sirius determinedly ignored the voice in his head asking just why he thought Natasha would ever do anything for him, Sirius Black, after how he'd been treating her.

He turned around in anger and stalked back towards the blue duvet covered bed to snatch up his shirt. He could hear her chocked breaths behind him.

"How...how do you know that James said?"

Her damned voice. So lilting that she always sounded like she was singing. He didn't know why it was that he was noticing it so much today when it had hardly registered before. Her Welsh accent was so strong he was at a loss as to how he'd missed it.

"I'm his best friend" he ground the words out, his back still towards her.

"Yes, but how did you know it made me cry?" There was a wobble in her voice, a vulnerability that Sirius couldn't bear to turn around to see. He opted for silence. Having finished buttoning him his shirt with trembling hands he stormed out of the room, leaving his blue bottle flabbergasted.

He stormed down the stone corridors, the flaming torches guttering slightly at the draft he created as he stalked past.

Why was it always James? It seemed James always managed to get the best out of everything. Sure James could be mean to Natasha and she'd still do something for him, yet if Sirius even dared pick on it then that was it – she'd hold it against him forever. Sirius refused to even acknowledge that it was just one thing James has said compared to the multitudes he had. One incident in comparison with months of bullying.

He had almost calmed down when he realised with a growl of anger that she hadn't even really answered his question. James what, exactly? He cursed himself for not staying to find out. He bit out the password at The Fat Lady and as he clambered up through the portrait hole he almost froze as the realisation struck him. For all his anger towards her, irrational or not, for all of his panic and fear of discovery; he hadn't even bothered to say thank you.

He took a deep breath to calm himself. He'd been so sure of himself in that room, so utterly convinced that he was the one in control yet again time had proven that when it came to Natasha Regan he well and truly was utterly clueless. He stared at the steps leading towards the boys' dormitory with something akin to dread. She'd done a masterful job of not explaining herself to him, and now he wondered just how on earth he was going to explain just where he'd been to his friends. He squared his shoulders as he walked across the padded red carpet, ignoring the early risers curled up in the seats near the fire place. Until this year Sirius Black had always been truthful with his friends, but Natasha Regan had put a spanner in the works. He knew it wasn't her doing, he knew it was his own shame of his treatment of her that kept him from telling the truth and he was sick of it. As he started to climb the stairs to his dormitory he decided things had to change. It was time for his fellow Marauders to know everything.

* * *

He found himself a couple of hours later lurking in the invisibility section of the library, with the distinct feeling of confusion as to how his mission of telling his friends the truth had gone so badly wrong.

As expected all three had been waiting for him, but he'd managed to postpone his explanation as they all discussed their escape from the forest, and Remus took his chance to express his own gratitude. Sirius had to admit it made a nice change to see Remus back in the dormitory so soon after a transformation, usually it took him a day or so recovery in the hospital wing before he was ready to return to normal school life.

It had been exhilarating with both fear and excitement to relive the night, and James almost proudly showed off his injuries. His bruises still looked slightly painful, but they had been nothing compared to the battering Sirius had received. Catching Remus' guilty look and Peter's mild look of horror, a spasm of worry passed through him when he considered owning up to his own injuries and he made a snap decision to brush over them. He did not want Remus refusing their help for next month, which he knew his lycanthropic friend would do if he knew.

Silence had descended while Sirius was musing and he refocused to see three sets of eyes staring at him intently.

"So c'mon Padfoot" Peter prompted "Just where did you end up?"

Unable to focus on Peter's watery eyes in case his own gave away his guilt, Sirius launched into an explanation about Hagrid and Fang being too close to him.

"So you see I had to hide out in the forest a bit longer".

He finished with what he hoped was a convincing grin. Peter was nodding his head accepting, never thinking of questioning his more impressive friend.

James and Remus however, exchanged quick glances, crossed their arms, and looked at him.

"That's a load of frog's brains Sirius" James said flatly.

"And how come you aren't as hurt as much as James is? I fought with you a lot more...didn't I?" Remus finished asking with a slight waver in his voice, as though not quite able to recall his actions correctly. Indeed Sirius would have been surprised if he could, but he'd no doubt that Peter and James must have filled him in.

He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably.

"I just, well I guess I lost track of time I guess" he mumbled lamely.

As he saw his best friends looking to open their mouths to question him further he jumped up in a hurry, almost stumbling over his trunk.

"I've, erm, forgotten something, for, erm...a prank! Yeah a prank, I thought about it when I was in the forest, I'll go grab it and find you later!"

Sirius made a dash out of the dormitory, oblivious to the startled looks his three best friends were sending his way. They knew Sirius had sometimes hid things from them but they had never, ever seen him run away from them before. With concerned gazes, the three boys wondered just what on earth was going on with their boisterous, but often troubled friend.

A flush of embarrassment crept up Sirius features as he continued to hide in the library. He'd been completely cowardly, the supposed Gryffindor bravery had forsaken him completely, but then he thought, just what could he say?

He couldn't admit about Natasha helping him, not without giving away her hideout, and certainly not without brushing far too close to the fact that she knew about Remus' condition. He scuffed his shoes along the thick blue carpet, brow furrowed as he tried madly to think up a more credible story. He froze suddenly when he heard two very familiar voices approaching, even if they were speaking in hushed whispers.

"Honestly Moony, he's hiding out in the library – this has gotten beyond worrying now!"

"I know Prongs, but maybe we need to give him some space. I'm sure he'll own up to things in his own time..."

Exactly Remus! Sirius thought triumphantly before alarm swept through him. They knew he was there! And then the thought struck him – that blasted map he'd help create. Silently cursing his stupidity, he started to make his way to the other end of the aisle as he fumbled for something in his pocket. Knowing that his friends would be able to see his figure moving on the map, he chucked away all caution and as he broke his cover, he dropped a dungbomb behind him as he sprinted out of the library.

Uproar sounded behind him and with a wince he heard the shrieking voice of Madam Pince yelling "POTTER!" and he prayed his friend would not be too angry with him. Knowing he wouldn't have long, he raced along the corridors before stuttering to a halt in front of the drunken portrait of Lord Pinsomscot. Except the glare that the portrait sent his way was completely sober.

"You". The Lord grunted, actually grunted it at him. "Here again I see, disturbing the charming Natasha's peace again I've no doubt. Shouldn't let you in really, look at you, scruffy lay about, good for nothing-"

"CARIAD" Sirius bellowed it at him. The diatribe of insults coming his way were far too similar to that he usually heard from his own mother that he couldn't stand to hear them, not here in Hogwarts. He wanted to lock that part of his life away, leave it far behind him but it seemed no matter where he turned the comments followed.

With a hiss of annoyance, the portrait swung slowly open. Sirius stepped through tentatively, and let out a sigh when he saw that the room was empty. Whether it was one of relief or disappointment, he couldn't say, but he slowly made his way to the window seat, absently plucking a book from the multitude of shelves that lined the wall.

"The Mabinogion" he murmured the title. The pictures on the cover were old fashioned and unmoving, so he could only assume it as muggle literature. Half tempted to chuck it aside, he caught sight of the summary. _A collection of stories collated from medieval Welsh manuscripts split into the four branches of the Mabinogi..._ As he browsed through the pages, Welsh names galore jumped out and grabbed his attention. Vivid images, prose and detail contained so much magic in themselves he found himself unable to put the book down. Settling himself more cosily into the canary cushions, his hand holding the book propped up on his bent knee, Sirius lost himself in the tales of years gone by. Away from his friends, from the distractions of Hogwarts, and the worries of his family that almost continuously plagued him, Sirius found a sense of calm he usually only found in sleep when he dreamed of all things blue. With a heavy sigh, he started to understand completely just what Natasha loved so much about her hideaway, and he wondered just what he could do to persuade her to share it.


	15. Realisation

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter

**A/N:** another chapter! I'm as amazed as you are, really enjoyed writing this one though. To all of my new followers – welcome! I really hope you like this chapter.

**Ridiculousity** – so glad you like it, and thanks for the review!

**Theta-McBride** – thanks for the review! And ha, you thought he was a jerk before...happy reading!

Chapter 15

It was with a sense of numbness that Natasha floated through the next couple of days. Lily had been shooting her worried looks, whilst even Ruby had emerged from her Peter focused world to ask her if anything was wrong. She brushed off their concerns. It wasn't that Sirius had upset her, at least not more so than usual, but that he'd said something that had set her brain to thinking, and it was maddening that she couldn't find the answer.

Just how did he know that James' comments had made her cry? No one, absolutely no one, knew about that. She hadn't even told Ruby and Lily what James had said, not because she didn't want to share but she knew Lily would to use a muggle term, blow a fuse. James and Lily had attained a somewhat uneasy impasse as the term had progressed, and Natasha really didn't want to do anything that would rock the boat.

It was lucky that it was the final week of school leading up the holidays, as Natasha's scattered thoughts and scant attention were not noticed anywhere near as much as they would usually have been during lessons. Not that her lessons themselves didn't pose their own problems – especially potions.

Professor Roulou's eyes practically spat fire every time she gazed on Natasha, still not having forgiven her for walking out of the classroom after her failed presentation. In behaviour that was greatly out of character Natasha glared defiantly back, determined not to forgive the Professor for the lack of aid. It was always a tense few seconds when their eyes met, with the Professor clearly weighing up her options whether to call Natasha up on it or not, but to her great relief, she would pass on without comment.

Svereus Snape as her potion's partner however, was even more problematic to handle. He'd dumped her Essence of Dittany potion back in front of her without comment, and sat twisted to one side, so his back faced her, and she had no opportunity to try and gain his attention unless she grabbed his arm and pulled him, or simply walked around the desk to face him. Having seen how twitchy Severus had been recently, Natasha didn't think it in her best interest to do that. It upset her somewhat that he was no longer talking to her, she really had thought they had started up some kind of friendship, but as he joined his fellow Slytherin's as the class ended, and saw his almost furtive behaviour, a suspicion started to dawn on her that perhaps he didn't have very much say in the matter.

As their last day of classes was upon them, Lily dragged both her and Ruby outside for a lunch time stroll.

"C'mon you two lazy lugs, it's the last chance we'll get to do this before the holidays! And it's never just us three anymore".

Ruby had the decency to look a bit guilty about that.

"Okay, I know I've been rubbish this term, but I promise after Christmas I'll do better! We'll have proper girl time for sure" her infectious grin was enough to get both Lily and Natasha smiling back and as the weak winter sun struggled to make itself felt above the looming mass of the Forbidden Forest, it felt that everything was right in the world now that the three of them were good friends again.

Natasha didn't speak much, her mind still befuddled somewhat from the nightmare she'd had the previous night. It was the same as usual, the darkness and smoke and the tearing of something precious from her. It was the sense of utter fear and loneliness that it left with her in the morning that she hated the most. The feeling that she was losing something and she was powerless to stop it. Shivering slightly she looked out towards the lake, as Lily and Ruby continued to bicker about Quidditch.

Her eyes brushed her usual spot, near a trailing weeping willow, where she always ended up sitting on her night time strolls. It was her place to talk, and she felt a fond smile tug at the corner of her mouth as she thought of the dog that visited her and listened to all her worries. He truly was remarkable, always listening, knowing when to snuggle in close to her when she needed a bit of comfort. The way his head would tilt to the side as though confused when she explained something, as his shaggy hair fell slightly into his face. His face tilted to the side...

A memory of Sirius in her hideaway slammed into her.

Him, topless, leaning back on her bed, head tilted to the side as his hair fell in his face as he gazed at her intently.

'It's the same look, the same gaze...'

Her thoughts trailed off as she frowned in confusion, almost snorting silently to herself. Why what a ridiculous thing to think! As if Sirius could in anyway possibly be a dog.

'Although how ironic would that be, with his name meaning Dog Star...'

Her thoughts trailed off again as she dismissed the thought as an impossibility. Sirius may be many things, an annoying bullying git being the main one, but she was pretty sure other people would notice if he was moonlighting as a great big black shaggy dog.

Shaking her head slightly at her own silly thoughts, she allowed a small grin to grace her face as she, Lily and Ruby walked up the steps and stepped through the giant doorway into the entrance hall. The loud chattering of children still resounded from the Great Hall and with Lily's stomach giving an almighty rumble the three girls hurried to get some food while there was still time. Hogwarts dinners were _definitely_ something Natasha would miss when she went home over the Christmas holidays.

"Remember you two" Ruby said after she'd gulped down a glass of pumpkin juice "you've both got to write to me over the holidays. Mum and Dad are making us go abroad for Christmas, so visits are out. I'm going to be completely bored at Aunt Shirley's!"

Natasha and Lily gave her sympathetic glances. Ruby's Aunty Shirley was very elderly, and with age had also become exceedingly grumpy. A fun family holiday it would not be. With a bit of a smirk though, Ruby pulled something out of her pocket.

"It's going to be terribly dull there I know, so I've spent this week packing in as much excitement with Peter as I could". Murmuring a charm, the item in her hand multiplied by two, and she handed one each to Lily and Natasha with a clear smirk upon her face.

"Mistletoe? Do I even want to ask?" Lily teased with a raised eyebrow. A slight blush spread over Ruby's face but she didn't lose the grin. With a wry smile Natasha pocketed her own, wondering just when on earth Ruby thought she would find a use for it.

"Oi Evans, is that mistletoe?" The voice of James Potter seemed obnoxiously loud of the usual chatter of the students. Lily's green eyes turned flat.

"So what if it is Potter" as Lily spat out his name, Natasha couldn't help but wonder yet again at the instant rage the black haired boy could elicit from her fiery friend. "It's none of your business anyway".

Glancing up at James, although hesitant to meet his gaze after their last argument, Natasha took the opportunity to study those with him. Peter was gazing at Ruby with a fond smile, and Remus stood slightly to the back, a resigned smile on his face. Sirius was...Sirius was looking at her, his head tilted to the side as though in confusion, his black hair falling into his face.

With him here, right in front of her, wearing that _exact_ same expression, lunacy or no Natasha could not get away from the thought – Sirius Black was the same as that dog. She didn't know how he'd done it, she didn't even know if it was possible, but he and that dog – they were the same.

Feeling suddenly ill, she pushed away from the table with a loud scraping of the bench. Ignoring Lily and Ruby's cries of concern, ignoring the silver eyes that were boring into her she fled. Her chest heaving she managed to gasp out the password that let her into her hideaway. Eyes wide with something akin to fear, she fumbled at the draw of the desk before finding what she'd been looking for; her diary. Flicking back through the pages, her fingers fumbling in her eagerness, she looked back for the night her and James had fought. With hands shaking she held the diary up and read just what it was she dreaded.

_...James had been so scathing, so horrible and yet so right. I just hadn't realised it before, just how selfish it was I had been behaving. I can't remember the last time something has made me cry so much, not because of teasing but because I felt well hurt I guess, hurt by someone I'd started to think of as a friend. Thank goodness the dog was there to listen and to dry my tears – even if it was replaced by his slobbery tongue! I don't understand how that dog always turns up when I need him the most but I'm so very glad that he does. There's something nice about crying in front of an animal that just won't ask questions, that simply offers comfort instead..._

Her diary dropped to the floor from her numbed hands, as she almost heard an echo of herself voicing a question in the room just a few short days ago.

"_Yes, but how did you know it made me cry?"_

She'd asked Sirius, she'd actually asked him how he knew and he had said nothing. Simply kept his back to her and stalked out of the room. But he knew! He knew everything about what she'd said and what had upset her so...a feeling of intense humiliation swept over her and she felt her face grow hot. It wasn't just that last time after her argument with James, it was all the times Sirius had ever upset her. She'd lost count of the times she'd spoken to that dog, poured her heart out to him – about everything! And it was Sirius all along. He knew _everything_ there was to know about her. Her fears, her desires, her weaknesses – everything.

It had been a dog she'd been thinking she was talking to, a creature completely unable to pass on her secrets, so she'd not held back, not in the slightest. And it had helped her, it really had, having an outlet for all of her pain and worry and she'd felt truly comforted but all along it had been _him_.

She felt tears of embarrassment prick at her eyes and she gazed blindly out of the window, slowly piecing everything together and humiliation struck her again as to how stupid she'd been. Why, but how else was Sirius able to help Remus with his transformations, if he couldn't in fact transform himself? All those looks, all those half comments that she'd just not clicked with as the reality seemed too ludicrous to imagine.

Lowering herself slowly to her bed, she curled herself up into a ball, clutching a pillow towards her as her tears slowly started to fall, and she prayed that for this day at least he didn't disturb her solitude. Sirius Black had been making her life a living hell, not only that he then listened to all of her secrets, knew just how much he was upsetting her, and had carried on doing it. Sobs fully enveloped Natasha then as she buried her face into the pillow, asking silently the question; just what on earth had she done to deserve this?

It was the pale winter sun shining in through the large window that woke her. She groggily sat up, stretching out from her awkward sleeping position. She had cried and thought long into the night but as she fully came awake it was a seething anger that now bubbled inside of her. Brushing blue strands out of her face she glared around the room, as though daring Sirius Black to appear. So help him, but he had better not cross her path. As something akin to rage coursed through her, she wasn't quite sure what it was that she'd do to him.

Shakily gathering up her belongings, she left her hideaway, sparing it a brief farewell glance before rushing up the Gryffindor tower to quickly pack her belongings. When she reached her dormitory, Ruby looked as though she was going to ask what had happened yesterday, but Lily catching sight of Natasha's angry expression gestured for her not to. She knew Natasha didn't get angry, so if she was it had to be something very, very bad. It was with a strained silence that the girls packed up their belongings.

Cassie and Eluned had started to make a passing comment at Natasha but as she straightened she all but growled at them. Her flat blue eyed gaze for a change gave the two girls a pause for thought, and with slightly ruffled expressions they quickly left the dormitory.

Ruby let out a low whistle.

"I'm not sure I want to know what it is that's annoyed you Tasha, but silencing those two with a look? Good on you girl!"

Despite herself, Natasha did manage a small smile.

"Well, you can't say they haven't had it coming" A wry smile on her face was returned hesitantly by the other two, and seeing that she was now talking, Lily felt brave enough to approach her.

"Tasha, hun, won't you tell us what's wrong?"

The blue haired girl furrowed her brow before shaking her head.

"Not now Lily, sorry, maybe after the holidays?" She asked it hopefully, praying she'd have calmed down by then, and was grateful to see Lily nodding her agreement. Surprising the red head, Natasha stepped forward and hugged her.

She wasn't one usually for these acts of friendship, but the hurt and anger she was feeling, she never had been more grateful to Lily than then. To ask, and to accept when Natasha wasn't ready to talk, was something she would never stop being thankful for.

"Hey, you can't leave me out, group hug you two!" and with that Ruby launched herself at the pair of them. Giggling as they crashed sideways on to Lily's bed, Natasha felt a momentary sense of calm settle over her anger. It didn't dispel it, but it made it a lot more controllable and for that she was grateful.

"C'mon then you two, we need to get down to the carriages, we don't want to miss the train home!"

"Oh that's rich coming from you Tasha, you're the one who missed breakfast" Lily cried back in amusement. So bickering and giggling the three girls made their way down to the entrance hall, to start their journey home.

It was with a weird sense of ice cold fury that Natasha felt eyes staring into the back of her head as she walked down the steps and out into the school grounds. As her head turned and her blue eyes collided with silver she let out an angry cat like hiss, so loud she startled Ruby and Lily into silence. For a change Natasha had the satisfaction of seeing silvery grey eyes widen in confusion and almost fear quickly look away, unable to face the sheer anger in her gaze.

Let him worry, let him be scared, let him ponder on just what it was he'd done that made her so angry. Natasha had the holidays to think over it, and she was determined that when she got back to school that somehow she would make Sirius Black pay.


	16. Confessions

**Disclaimer:** please see first chapter, I don't own anything

**A/N: ** Firstly, to my new followers – welcome and enjoy! A slightly shorter chapter this time, more of filler really, but hope you all like it just the same.

**Ridiculousity** – thanks so much for your review.

**Theta – McBride** – ha indeed, do feel sorry for Sirius, I think most of us will before the story is over, although perhaps not for reasons of revenge...cheers for the review!

**TheArtCrazed - ** Thanks for the review, and sorry about the chapter endings! I'm not sure you're going to like this one either ;-)

And apologies to all for the delay, I've had two mental weekends away in Ireland so am still playing catch up with everything!

Chapter 16

When Sirius walked from the bathroom and fully back into the boys' dormitory the evening of their last night in Hogwarts before the holidays, just a scant few hours after dinner had finished, he knew he was in trouble.

James, Remus and Peter all sat on their own beds, staring at him, with stony faces. The curtains were shut and only a few candles had been lit leaving the room in an ominous half dark. A sudden noise to the right of him made Sirius jump.

"Did you just – did you just _lock_ the door?!" he asked incredulously.

"Yes. Sit." James all but barked at him indicating to Sirius' own bed.

Once the tall Gryffindor had settled himself he cast a very confused look at his three friends, but it was Remus who held his gaze.

"Talk."

Sirius couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow.

"Talk? About what exactly? That's very vague Moony..." he trailed off in the middle of making a joke about it when he saw their unmoving expressions. It was Peter who relented first.

"Natasha Regan".

Sirius' back straightened as though a bolt of electricity had shot through his spine and he glared furiously at them.

"What about her?" he even alarmed himself slightly at the snarl that came from his lips. His three friends exchanged a look, a look of what Sirius was furious to note he couldn't understand, before they turned back to face him; and waited.

Sirius had started off the cold silence absolutely determined he wouldn't break it, but as the three gazes of his best friends continued to bore into him, he could feel himself relenting. After all, isn't this what he had wanted? To offload everything to get their opinions and if anything to alleviate himself of even some of the guilt he was feeling.

Glancing down, his right hand started to absentmindedly play with the edge of his quilt, and he finally started to talk.

He wasn't even sure for how long he talked, he only knew that it felt good, and once he got started there was nothing in that room that was going to stop him. He felt a bit embarrassed afterwards but at the time it was as though a damn had broken on his stream of consciousness and he couldn't hold back the flow.

The eyes of his three friends grew wider and wider as they took in the barrage of information.

"...I mean, it wasn't like I wanted her to start offloading her problems on me, I mean I was in the form of a _dog_ for Merlin's sake, what could I do...

...and she just stood there and _looked_ at me, you know? She never reacts properly! Never! And I'm damned if I can understand why she keeps hiding herself away...

...and she'll let you think that I haven't done anything to help her when oh no, who is it that's stopped all the people teasing her and gossiping about her hair? Me that's who, and does she thank me? No she does not...

...and okay so maybe I shouldn't have pinned her against the desk, or made her do my homework, or ruined her presentation but she just _infuriates_ me, and she resists everything I try to say and do and I just hate being ignored...

...and I keep getting these stupid dreams, either terrifying or wonderful and they're totally messing me up which just doesn't help but the only time my head seems to stop hurting is when I'm...

...so I know I've been an arse, and I know I've been in the wrong but she just - I just – I mean it's just – we just – oh, I don't know".

Sirius heaved a huge sigh, his shoulders slumped in dejection before he risked a glance at his fellow Marauders and he had to fight back a snort of laughter. All three were staring at him with slightly horrified expressions, their mouths agape.

"Well you did ask me to talk you know" Sirius muttered with a half-hearted snort.

It was James that recovered first.

"Bloody hell mate. Next time, _please_ don't bottle your feelings up. I'm not sure I can handle an outburst like this, and I know" he added quickly, raising a placating hand "that we asked for it, and I'm glad, but seriously _bloody hell_".

It was Peter who spoke tentatively next.

"Sirius mate do you...do you fancy her?" he all but quailed at the thundercloud expression that formed on Sirius' face.

"No I bloody well do NOT!"

"Hey c'mon Padfoot" James jumped in quickly "It's not that much of an outrageous question. She's clearly gotten under your skin. You've been following her around all term, getting others to treat her right while you keep tormenting her and you can't even form a sentence properly to explain as to why. So do you? Do you fancy her?"

The silence ticked by slowly as Sirius thought furiously to himself, biting back comments he wanted to hurl at them. He'd already said no hadn't he? Did they really think he knew himself so little that he couldn't tell when he was attracted to someone? And sure the bluebottle was pretty in her own way but she was far too irritating to be truly attractive.

"No". He bit out his answer once more and looked up, catching Remus' eye and quailing at the look that was there. Remus was scared, and he was angry, and Sirius wasn't very sure on how he was going to handle this.

"She...knows, about me? About my...condition?" Remus asked it hesitantly. Sirius had skimmed over that bit in his offloading, not wanting to acknowledge it to his friend or just how Natasha had blackmailed him, but it was out in the open now and he knew there was no way he could deny it.

"She does Remus, I'm sorry. I didn't tell her I swear. It's that room of hers she gets to see everything" he shuddered at the memory. "She won't say though, so long as I don't blab about where her room is – which I will _never_ do Moony, I know how important this is to you."

Remus' serious gaze never left his.

"You better hope she keeps her word Sirius, or that you don't do anything that tips her over into saying anything. Please, for me, even if you can't leave her alone...just stop upsetting her. Please".

Sirius' grey eyes were dark with emotion as he replied.

"I promise".

It was a telling moment, and had a finality to it that all but ended the conversation. With a few murmured good nights, each of the boys fell back onto their beds, eager for the sleep that would bring them closer to the holidays. Little did Sirius know that he might very well have made his promise too late.

The morning saw Sirius returned to all of his manic glory as he bounded around the dorm room, flinging random objects into his trunk as he bellowed out Christmas Carols at the top of his voice. It was the exact opposite of one of his melancholy fits, but he truly did love the holidays and this year he was going to spend it at James'.

There had been an awkward couple of moments when the other three had been talking about their Christmas plans. Sirius had been planning on staying at the school, after all his parent's had made it quite clear they no longer wished to see him. He'd been preparing himself for a boring miserable week by himself before James turned to him.

"Mum can't wait to see you by the way, I swear she likes you more than me sometimes!"

Sirius was dumbfounded for a moment.

"I'm – I'm staying with you?"

"Well of course you are stupid" James had replied, giving him a punch on the arm. "Do you really think she'd let me leave you here for the holidays?"

Sirius had fought against the big grin that threatened to spread across his face, but ultimately lost his battle. Completely beaming, his arm thrown about James' shoulder he had praised Mrs Potter to the skies before launching quickly into plans of mischief with his best friends. No, these holidays would be anything but dull.

The grumblings of his roommates alerted his attention that they were all quickly joining the land of the conscious and he let off a last batch of fireworks to help them on their way.

Bed clothes slightly singed and with slightly wild looks of alarm, James, Remus and Peter quickly joined Sirius in packing up, and it wasn't long before they were all traipsing down to the Entrance Hall to wait for the carriages. Having stayed up so late talking last night, breakfast had been forgotten, but Sirius had no doubt the trolley on the train would more than make up for it.

They were just descending the last of the stairs when Sirius somehow felt a pair of eyes on him, and whatever feeling they were conveying he knew it couldn't be good. Glancing around his own silver grey eyes clashed with molten blue and he gasped, his eyes widening in shock at the sheer hate he saw there.

Natasha Regan, placid, quiet and highly unemotional Natasha Regan was seething at him. He wouldn't have been surprised if steam was coming out of her ears. There was nothing but anger and yes, hate, in that gaze and Sirius quickly looked away, trying to ignore desperately the surge of alarm that swept through him.

What on earth had happened now? He recalled how she'd all but fled from dinner the previous evening but he hadn't said anything, he'd only looked at her! Glancing at his friends, he saw that they had noticed the look too and Remus was glaring at him with something akin to an accusation in his eyes.

"Not here" James whispered fiercely before Sirius could open his mouth to speak.

It was a very strained atmosphere that saw the four of them share a carriage to the train, and it wasn't until they were all sat in a compartment with the blinds drawn and the door locked that anyone broke it.

"What the _hell_ have you done Padfoot?" Remus actually shouted at him. It took Sirius a moment to recover from that before he kick started himself into action.

"Nothing! I've done nothing Moony, how on earth could I have done something since yesterday? You've been with me the whole time!" He glanced at Peter and James for help.

"He's right Remus" Peter piped up. "He's been with us, he's not even had a chance to do anything, besides he did promise".

Remus looked slightly mollified as even James nodded his agreement, although he was running his hands through his messy hair with a confused look on his face.

"But man, Sirius, that look wasn't good" James murmured. "She looked like, well I don't like saying it but it looks like she really hates you".

Sirius could only sit there, almost gazing into nothingness, with a fierce frown on his face as he thought over everything. They'd exchanged words last time, sure, but it was nothing to one of their bigger fights. And he'd had no inclination in her face then as to her thoughts of him. He almost snorted to himself in derision. He'd wanted to get her feeling something, to get a reaction – well now he did, but he found he wasn't happy with it at all. He just didn't understand –

"...what could have happened to her that she hates me now, rather than before?" he'd whispered it out loud but the others picked up on it, murmuring to themselves how strange it was.

"Unless...unless she's found something out that would really piss her off?" Remus asked the question slowly, as though trying to figure out something for himself.

"What do you mean Moony?" Peter asked, confusion clear in his voice.

"Well, I mean, Sirius" Remus turned then to stare directly at Sirius' face, looking for any hint of an answer that he knew his friend might not be willing to voice. "Is there any way she could have found out you're an animagus? You said yourself she sees everything from her room".

Even as Sirius shook his head in a negative response, he felt the cold trickle of fear sweep over him and a sick feeling gathering in his stomach.

"No...no I don't see how she would know. We're so careful to keep under cover of the cloak as we're changing that she wouldn't see. And after all, there's not much that gives me away in my dog form that it's me, only my hair really, and who in their right mind would ever suspect it?" he voiced the question to the air, convincing himself in the process that he was right, and squashed the sick feeling in his stomach down. There was absolutely nothing he could have done that could even have hinted at it, and in that was there was no reason for her to even suspect, to even hazard a guess that way. It would be a laughable thing for most people to even contemplate.

James and Peter looked relieved, and Remus although not wholly satisfied, could do nothing other than take Sirius' word for it.

"Well, I hope you're right Padfoot, because something's upset her. I just hope it doesn't upset her enough to reveal my secret" he finished bitterly.

Sirius leaned forward, his hand grasping Remus' shoulder as he made his friend look at him.

"Whatever it is, whatever happens, I will make _sure_ she never tells. You have my word on that, as your fellow Marauder, you secret is safe with me".

A trundling noise outside alerted them to the food trolley out in the corridor and with a speed that bellied him, Peter had opened the door and came back with an armload of food almost quicker than they could blink.

"Hungry, Peter?" James quipped and as chuckles and grins broke out amongst the four of them, Sirius sat back and munched on a pumpkin pasty. He felt his shoulders relax the further the train got from Hogwarts. It had been a tough term, but with a holiday at the Potters to look forward to, and a break to properly get himself back together with hopefully dreamless sleep, he had no doubt that things from now could only get better.

Sirius Black for all his attributes, his looks, his brains, his loyalty – for all of that; he was wrong.


End file.
